Don’t do ‘James Brown Slide’ on ice (unless you want to)

By the time you read this article, I hope that most of the Tri-state region no longer resembles a giant outdoor skating rink. As I write this, it seems that you need a pair of skates to get across most parking lots in the area. And since most of us don’t actually wear skates to get from car to house or car to movies or car to restaurant (etc.), I’m already getting way too many reports from friends of bad falls that have ended up in tears at best and surgery at worst.Almost everyone thinks penguins are cute, and that’s a good thing in winter such as this — because all the experts recommend that when it’s really icy outside, you need to protect yourself by walking like a penguin (there is even a video demonstration online of how to do a penguin conga line). The parts of the penguin gait that you should emulate:• Spread your feet out slightly. In the drawings online, the cartoon person has his toes pointed outward like a ballerina (or a duck, to continue the bird metaphor). But the key thing apparently is to spread your feet because this widens your center of gravity. • Bend slightly and walk flat-footed (no prancing, hopping or skipping, no matter how much the nasty cold and ice fill your heart with joy). And try to keep your center of gravity over your feet. If you’ve taken much yoga or Pilates or other bendy-stretchy gym classes, this usually involves tucking your behind in a bit while keeping your back straight but not rigid).Concentrate on working your core (or abdominal) muscles.• Extend your arms out to your sides. If you watch figure skaters, you’ll notice that they use their arms for balance and also to help them change directions; hockey players often use their sticks to do the same thing. Along these same lines, keep your hands out of your pockets. And obviously, wear gloves. Not only will your hands stay warmer, you’ll also give your skin some protection in case you do slip and fall. Likewise, if you wear a bulky coat it will help cushion you if you fall.• Another wardrobe tip, probably a very obvious one but … don’t wear shoes with smooth soles. The Canada Safety Council (and they know a few things about ice) suggests wearing a lightweight “well-insulated, waterproof, thick non-slip tread sole made of natural rubber [with] wide low heels.” Not very glamorous, but neither is a cast. • The Canadians also recommend wearing a hip protector such as a lightweight belt or special pants with padding to protect your hips. Again, not very glamorous but once you’re wearing a bulky coat, the extra weight around your hips will be barely noticeable. And think how fabulous you’ll look after you arrive at a party looking like you’re at hibernation weight — and then you shed your layers in the cloak room and emerge as your svelte self.• When you’re ready to take a step, walk slowly and take teeny tiny little steps. • Keep an eye out for alternate routes. Sometimes a grassy or snowy edge is safer than the icy surface of a drive or walkway. But don’t be too intrepid; it’s generally not a good idea to go dashing off across a frozen yard, thinking that you’re taking a shortcut. There’s a chance you’ll hit some hazardous slickness when you’re halfway to your destination. • Another interesting tip from the Canadians: Keep a small bag of salt or sand in your pocket, so you can sprinkle some on your path (like rose petals before an empress) as you walk. As a general rule, any surface in winter that looks black and smooth is probably very slippery. The same is likely to be true of white surfaces that, in the sunshine, are wildly reflective and glossy. Back in about 2006, the exquisite but fall-prone figure skater Sasha Cohen was quoted as saying something along the lines of, “As we all know, ice is slippery.” What isn’t known, however, is why ice is slippery. If you do an online search, you will find many theories (and you will learn that there are more than a dozen different types of ice on our planet). But you will also hear most scientists concede that they don’t really know why ice is slippery. The fact remains, however, that it is. Be careful, be cautious and walk like a penguin. Otherwise, as Winsted Journal Editor Shaw Israel Izikson said, you might end up unintentionally doing what he called “The James Brown Slide.”