Planning a Wedding? Tips for balance and harmony from a "couple of coaches"

The number of decisions and arrangements involved in planning a wedding is daunting. Here are some ideas for minimizing the drama and strengthening your relationship as you move through the months and weeks leading up to your big day.  

The box of love and appreciation

Appreciate and acknowledge your fiancé or fiancée through words and deeds. Couples will benefit from making lists of what they appreciate about each other on paper and in their heads.

After the 16 years of our marriage, we see this as the cornerstone of what makes our relationship feel good and work well.

This will also help you in moments of upset or disagreement, because your foundation of feeling appreciated and cherished by the other will provide a buffer zone when conflicts surface, and will prevent the conflicts from becoming opportunities to feel deeply hurt or disappointed with each other.

Curiosity

One of the quickest ways to dampen the energy between you and your beloved is by having to be right, instead of choosing to be loved when disagreements arise. Curiosity is the way out. Living with more questions will open up possibilities for new solutions that you may not have previously seen.  

When your fiancé or fiancée is doing something that annoys you, see how much wonder and curiosity you can bring to the situation: “I wonder why she cares so much about this issue?† “I wonder why he sees the situation as he does?â€

Practice curiosity with small disagreements at first. Observe what starts to happen.

Learn to be a ‘powerful requester’

Requests are essential. They ensure that our needs and wants will be satisfied. But most of us request only 50 to 75 percent of what we want or need. We resign ourselves to the idea that the last 25 percent of our requests can’t or won’t be fulfilled by others; also, many of us don’t like to impose on others.

However, we still carry expectations and become disappointed when our expectations are not fulfilled — even if we never verbalized those expectations in the form of a request to another person.

To become a more powerful requester, be very specific about what you wish done, when you want it done by, what your desired outcome looks like.

Practice making small requests,  and work up to bigger ones. See if you can log 15 requests per day. Then work up to 20. Please note, the response to a request can be one of acceptance or decline, but a decline is not a rejection of you. Rather, it is declining the request.  

Now it becomes an opportunity to make a different request or to make the same request to someone else.

Practice Radical Self-careâ„¢

Stressful times require extra self-care to help us remain happy and productive.  Find ways to reduce stress and benefit your well being. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise, maintain a healthy diet, schedule relaxing time together, create opportunities to do nothing, move to appreciation instead of disagreement.  

When you notice yourself getting stressed do something different by changing the mood and emotion: take a walk, listen to music, dance, take a bath, breathe. For a weekly checklist to track your self, visit our Web site (coachingvision.info). Click on “charts,†and find the Radical Self-care™ well-being check list.

Powerful requesting, appreciation, curiosity and self care can go a long way in creating an uplifting mood as you plan your wedding. They are also great cornerstones for a long, happy life together. Blessings and congratulations to the two of you!

Margo and Lawrence Davis-Hollander are life coaches. For more information, call 413-446-1777 or 413-229-8316 or visit their Web site at coachingvision.info.

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