Thank you!
Your support is sustaining the future of local news in our communities.

Change, change, change

I know people who have lived in the same house all their lives. I’ve heard of people who have standing dates and have for decades. “Oh, yes,†they say, “we have lunch every Tuesday,†or “Sunday night dinner is a tradition — the whole family comes.†Golf dates, bowling dates and church services all require very regular commitment.

I’m in awe, but also befuddled by others’ ability and willingness to do the same thing day in and day out, week after week, month after month. In five decades I’ve lived in at least 14 different places and held 10 different jobs (I’m sure I’m overlooking some). Clearly, I’m not rooted and I don’t have a career. But I do have experience.

Yet, I greatly admire people who can stick to schedules of their own making. I don’t mean people who get up and go to work at the same time every day. I mean those who in their free time commit to an activity or pursuit. (By the way, they benefit from doing something regularly: They get better at it.)

One of my editors swims three times a week, pretty much always. Most successful novelists speak of a routine; they produce because they commit to the same time or amount every day.

I’m reading a wonderful and inspiring book by Haruki Murakami, “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.†In the book, he explains his commitment to running. He runs nearly every day — and this is busy guy. As a novelist he’s written 12 books; as a runner he’s completed more than 23 marathons.

u      u      u

I don’t play golf or bowl, but I do lots of other activities that require practice and commitment; yoga and horseback riding are two of them. Yet I have a terrible time carving out the time to do the things I want. It’s not because I can’t make plans. I’m a big planner, actually. Love lists. I have multiple calendars. Schedules are my thing. I believe in them. I also believe in pencils. Because if I wrote everything in ink, I would need bottles of white-out to keep everything legible.

A friend of mine doesn’t have this problem. When someone asks her to do something at a time when she already has something scheduled, she says no. In the nicest possible way. That’s what I really like. She doesn’t turn herself into a pretzel trying to make everyone happy. She just says, “No. I’m busy then. When else could we do it?†What a concept.

u      u      u

At a yoga retreat last summer, which was dedicated to hard-core yogis (many of whom were instructors), I took part in a discussion about the difficulty of carving out the time to do this thing we all love so much. The easy part, it seemed, was taking a week off from regularly scheduled life and immersing oneself in yoga. The truly difficult part was trying to find some minutes in our everyday lives to do the same thing.

Is it time management? Or is it clearing the mind long enough to listen and respond? There were suggestions galore: Just do five minutes; make every action (picking up the kids’ sneakers off the dining room floor, opening the refrigerator) a yoga pose; do it first thing in the day; do it last thing in the day. Lots of ideas, no sure-fire solutions. Clearly, I am not alone.

The reality is, every time I make plans, they are likely to change multiple times before they happen. The goal is always reached, but the path to the goal morphs one way and then another, as different factors come into play. Is this a bad thing? Does it make me unreliable or too flexible?

u      u      u

Recently, I had a real wake-up moment, suggesting we can learn to change our ways. I’d made a date with a friend to walk our dogs, on a day that I knew was going to be very busy. But I figured I could squeeze it in. Even as I was committing I had misgivings, but my assumption was my friend was going for a walk either way and it would be great if I could join her, and if it didn’t work out that way in the end — no big deal; she would still take her dog for a walk.

It never occurred to me (honestly!) that my company might be a factor in her day. That if I had said I wasn’t available she might have found someone else with whom to share her time. I was just focused on the act of the walk.

When I called to cancel only an hour before the meeting time and got her voice mail, I decided to meet her, make my apologies and leave. She was understanding and forgiving, but as I blathered on, she said, “Well, just don’t do it again. OK?†Calm, quiet, sincere. And suddenly I saw the situation completely differently.

So, I have a new resolve: commit, commit, commit.

Tara Kelly, copy editor at The Lakeville Journal, is an avid follower of social trends. She may be reached by e-mail at tarak@lakevillejournal.com.

Latest News

Angry bees close Mudge Pond Beach

Angry bees close Mudge Pond Beach

Officials closed the Sharon town beach at Mudge Pond on Wednesday, July 15, after a fallen tree limb exposed a large beehive. The beach is expected to reopen Thursday.

Alec Linden

SHARON – The town beach on Mudge Pond closed on Wednesday, July 15, but the cause wasn’t the smoky haze drifting in from Canadian wildfires – it was angry bees.

According to Sharon’s Parks and Recreation Director Bryan Failla, a large limb fell from an old tree near the lifeguard stand overnight, exposing a hole that houses a large beehive. He said the town made the decision to close the beach Wednesday morning “out of an abundance of caution.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Millerton dressmaker forged path as early businesswoman
Mary Kisselbrack, left, and her husband, George.
Provided

If you’ve driven down Main Street in Millerton, you’ve passed the former home and shop of one of the village’s earliest female entrepreneurs. At a time when most businesses were owned by men, Mary Kisselbrack made a name for herself in the late 1800s as a well-respected milliner and dressmaker.

On April 11, 1891, train conductor George Kisselbrack purchased a 124-by-232-foot vacant lot at 54 Main St. and hired locally renowned builders Beers and Trafford to design what would become their home and Mary’s business.

Keep ReadingShow less
Wastewater project coming to fruition after decades of debate

Millerton’s business community will soon see the completion of a public wastewater system, addressing what local officials and business owners have called a major constraint on commercial development in the community for decades.

The $13.8 million project, which is expected to serve the core of the Village of Millerton and a commercial stretch of the Town of North East along U.S. Route 44, represents one of the largest infrastructure investments in the community in decades, and brings an end to calls for a sewer system that stretch back to World War II. Officials say the system will safeguard local waterways while creating a foundation for long-term economic stability.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

Millerton Moviehouse marks 120 years with structural upgrades

Wooden beams made from tree trunks comprise the load-bearing structure under Millerton’s Moviehouse.

Graham Corrigan

There are a handful of buildings that have stood the test of time over Millerton’s 175-year history. But if there’s one that stands out as a singular representation of the town, it’s the Millerton Moviehouse and its iconic clock tower.

Built in 1903 as a grange hall, it was soon converted into a movie theater with a second-floor ballroom. It was one of a handful of buildings that came to define the town in the following decades, standing tall across the street from the Episcopal Church and Millerton Inn, next to Terni’s, and up the hill from Millerton’s train station.

Keep ReadingShow less
Irondale Schoolhouse: a piece of living history

Ralph Fedele sits at a desk in the historic Irondale Schoolhouse, which he led the effort to relocate to downtown Millerton.

Aly Morrissey
“It was in dire straits. Right on the road, but beautiful. I remember thinking, ‘Wouldn’t that be a great building to move into the village?’” —Ralph Fedele

A one-room schoolhouse sits on Main Street along the Harlem Valley Rail Trail, offering an opportunity for locals and visitors to step inside a piece of living history.

The Irondale Schoolhouse that now sits in downtown Millerton was not originally located on Main Street. The building was first constructed in 1858 along what is now Route 22 in the Irondale section of town, defined by Irondale road and the Old Mill that still sits along Webatuck Creek. At the time, the schoolhouse was one of 14 that served the Town of North East’s children.

Keep ReadingShow less
New Water Department building expected by summer’s end

Millerton’s former Water Department building, ravaged by fire, as it awaited demolition in summer 2025.

Aly Morrissey

Nearly 18 months after a fire destroyed Millerton’s Public Works building, which housed the Highway Department and Water Department, construction is expected to begin within weeks on a new Water Department facility and pumphouse.

The new building would restore the village’s full water pumping capacity and allow officials to end the state of emergency declared after the fire. Village officials are also planning a separate Highway garage, with details of that project still being finalized.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.