While it’s true that there’s no place like home for the holidays, the season can be difficult for adult children who went home for visits and found their aging parents’ health or well-being deteriorating. It can be challenging to assess someone’s health over the phone, so a holiday visit is a good opportunity for a child to gain some insight into a parent’s true health status and living situation. And it can also be a good reminder that more frequent visits might be in order.Visiting a parent at home can give their children an idea of how they are coping on a day-to-day basis. Is the home clean and tidy? Is the refrigerator stocked? Are medications organized? Does the elderly person seem able to maintain his or her personal hygiene?While an unkempt home or poorly stocked pantry may indicate only that some chores are becoming difficult for an aging person, they can also be an indication of a larger issue. The important thing is the adult child taking a look at the situation with a critical eye and a willingness to help.Visiting for a period of time provides an opportunity to watch elderly parents in action. Are they able to move around their home with ease or could they benefit from a walker or wheelchair? Are they taking their medication on time? Are they preparing meals or relying on ready-made dinners? Do they have any difficulties bathing or getting dressed on their own? Are they active or becoming more sedentary? Are they in contact with friends, neighbors and family members? Are they paying their bills in a timely manner?Attending church services or going for a walk around a parent’s neighborhood can be enlightening. Not only will an adult child have a chance to observe how their parent interacts with people they know (Are they social? Are they able to follow and participate in a conversation?), but it will give those people who are around the parent regularly an opportunity to raise any concerns they might have. If pulling friends or neighbors aside is an option, you can also ask if they have noticed any changes in the parent’s behavior or if there is anything they think the parent might need. While it can be difficult to face the challenges that are presented as parents age, there are many options once the need for help is identified. Perhaps they simply need an occasional ride to the doctor’s office or grocery store. Maybe a personal care attendant to help with bathing, a homemaker for light housekeeping help, or even a visiting nurse to check on their medical needs is more appropriate. Or perhaps it’s time to begin a discussion about around-the-clock care for Mom or Dad. Your loved one’s physician or the Salisbury Visiting Nurse Association can provide some clarity as you begin to explore the options.Pat Tremblay, RN, MS, is director of the Salisbury Visiting Nurse Association. To learn more, go to www.salisburyvna.org or call 860-435-0816.
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Dick Hermans in the Oblong Bookstore on Millerton\u2019s Main Street in 1985.
Provided
For Hermans, the award has prompted some reflection about why he has spent so much of his life involved in community projects.
“I was thinking about it this morning: Why do I do what I do?” he said. “And I think no matter what I’ve done, whether it’s been school board or rail trail, I’m trying to be useful to the communities I’m associated with.”
Hermans is perhaps best known as the longtime co-founder and steward of Oblong Books in Millerton, a business that began almost by accident. He and his former partner, Holly Nelson, were living in Millerton and looking for something to do during the winter. They had been painting houses, including the Grange Hall in Millerton, a job Hermans got through his aunt, who belonged to the Grange.
At the time, Hermans was also working in insurance for his father, doing collections.
“It was fine except I was doing collections, and it really kind of left me cold,” he said.
He and Nelson began thinking about what they might do together. Nelson was an avid reader, while Hermans had studied journalism and had worked in a record store. They noticed a chain of book and record stores operating elsewhere in the Hudson Valley and decided to follow that model.
And so Oblong was born.
Dick Hermans in the Oblong Bookstore on Millerton’s Main Street in 1985.Provided
“We really learned it by the seat of our pants,” Hermans said.
The business would eventually become a beloved and integral part of Millerton’s commercial life. But although Hermans may have learned the book business as he went, his affinity for retail — and for the connections that happen across a counter — had begun much earlier.
As a child, his second-grade teacher operated a little cardboard pencil shop in the classroom, and Hermans still remembers the satisfaction of selling a pencil for a nickel.
“I really liked selling somebody a pencil for a nickel,” he recalled. “I can remember that experience, and it was so pleasant.”
Later, while living in Arizona, he helped establish a food co-op and worked at the counter.
“I kind of knew that I liked doing that kind of thing,” he said. “It’s a nice way to be pleasant with people, but without making too much commitment to them.”
His relationship with Millerton also predates Oblong. His grandparents lived in the village, and he first came to Millerton as a baby. Over the years, he has watched the town change through several generations.
He remembers a Millerton with a much broader array of businesses, when stores such as Delson’s, the Main Street department store that stood for nearly 40 years in what is now Millerton’s Antiques Center, seemed to carry almost everything a resident might need.
“You could find everything from a set of dishes to a shotgun,” he recalled.
The rise of shopping malls changed that kind of downtown retail, he said, but Millerton has remained a lively commercial village.
“For us, it’s been a great place to have business,” Hermans said. “It’s a busy village.”
For Hermans, running a store was never simply about selling books and records. It was a way of being part of a place.
Music has remained another constant. Hermans continues to sell music at Oblong and hosts the radio program “New Harmony” on WKZE. The business of selling music has changed dramatically over the years, particularly with the rise of streaming, but Hermans has adapted.
He was initially reluctant to bring vinyl records back into the store because of their expense. But about four or five years ago, he began stocking LPs again, and they have become the main form of music the store sells.
He finds that many of the customers buying them are reconnecting with music they loved years ago.
“I do best with classic albums that people may have had when they were young,” he said. “And now that they’re retired, they want to hear it again.”
Hermans still reviews between 700 and 1,200 new music releases each week through the store’s distributor, Alliance Entertainment, carefully deciding what belongs on Oblong’s shelves.
That same commitment to place has led Hermans into a wide range of community projects. His work with the Harlem Valley Rail Trail is among the efforts he mentions when reflecting on his years of civic involvement. He has also served on the school board and has been involved with the Millerton Business Alliance and the Irondale Schoolhouse. He is now involved with The New Pine Plains Herald, which he sees as complementary to the work of The Millerton News and The Lakeville Journal.
“I really think that the important thing about this award is that people understand what a newspaper does to connect them to their community,” he said. “And if that means anything to their lives, they gotta support it.”
Hermans knew Mary Lou and Robert Estabrook and remembers them as people who were deeply conscious of their responsibilities to the community.
“They were really nice folks,” he said. “They were very conscious of what their role in the community was.”
There is, in fact, still plenty on his plate. Hermans admits he needs to scale back because he has taken on more than his current abilities can comfortably accommodate.
“To be given this award is very special,” he added. “But I don’t feel like I’m done.”
This article has been changed to reflect that Hermans and Nelson were partners. A prior version states that they were married.
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