Gravity of the situation

I have an ongoing adversarial relationship with gravity. I’m not talking about aging and the attendant humiliations, like the visitation from the Jowl Fairy, or any of the other droopy phenomena. No, it is more diabolical than those commonplace and expected changes. Those are just part of the price for living longer. I consider this a fair price. My issue comes with those little things that sneak up on me as I go about my business.I get it that things fall if you hold them out and let go. What I don’t get is why every time I put a pencil down on a table it immediately rolls off, lands on the floor, then continues rolling until it finds the most difficult place for recovery, usually involving me on my stomach groping under a piece of furniture, clawing for it like a manic cat. I must live in a perpetual Mystery Spot, that place that I thought only existed in the Catskills where water flows uphill. Now that’s something worth paying to see, kind of like the world’s biggest pig at the fair. I throw my wet bath towel over the bar, turn my back and whump! There it is, on the floor. I dump those little potatoes on the counter and watch in disbelief as they cascade over the edge. I have learned the hard way not to set eggs anywhere except in a pan.How about when I am up on a ladder trying to install the new blinds and I have exactly the right number of screws in my hand? It doesn’t matter where I put them; my pocket, a small dish or on the window ledge. The more important it is to not drop a screw, the greater the likelihood that I will. Sometimes I get lulled, installing window after window with no problem until I get to the last one. That is when gravity teams up with the incredible invisible screw to drop and vanish, leaving me to either substitute a nail (which will be noticed and I will be in big trouble) or spend the rest of the day on my hands and knees scanning the surface of the floor with a powerful flashlight.OK, these are basically just annoyances. What about when it makes an attempt on your life? Not so innocent now, is it? These days I descend stairs with a rope clipped to my belt and the banister.I will have the last laugh. Mag-lev devices, like they are using to levitate trains, are here. My system came in the mail recently, but I had to send it back because it was damaged. I dropped it. Bill Abrams continues his quest to master the laws of gravity while living in Pine Plains.

Latest News

Wake Robin hearing date to be decided next month

LAKEVILLE — After receiving ARADEV LLC’s new application to expand the Wake Robin Inn earlier this month, the Planning and Zoning commission decided at its May 19 regular meeting to table its scheduling of a public hearing for the project until its next meeting on June 2.

The decision was made to allow the town’s Water Pollution Control Authority time to review the application sewer survey and render its own decision, as well as await a verdict regarding ongoing legal action against the Commission.

Keep ReadingShow less
‘A Tasteful Event’ benefits FISH food pantry

Celebrating food, wine and the spirit of giving, the community invited to a festive social evening at the Litchfield Community Center at 421 Bantam Road, on Wednesday, May 28 from 5 to 7:30 p.m. for the 7th annual “A Tasteful Event” fundraiser to benefit FISH/Friends in Service to Humanity of Northwestern Connecticut, recognizing efforts for those facing food insecurity and the homeless of the Northwest Corner for more than 50 years.

Several area restaurants, caterers, bakers, and spirit distillers have volunteered to prepare savory and sweet treats for event supporters. Attendees will enjoy music from Jacque Williams Entertainment.

Keep ReadingShow less
Lime Rock Park seeks detour permit for NASCAR event

Lime Rock Park is slated to host the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series Friday and Saturday, June 27 to 28 in Lime Rock, Connecticut.

Photo by Nathan Miller

SALISBURY — At a special meeting Thursday, May 15, the Board of Selectmen tabled the issue of approving a permit for traffic rerouting on Route 112 Friday and Saturday, June 27 to 28.

Lime Rock Park is hosting a weekend of NASCAR events. In anticipation of a large crowd, estimated between 12,000 at 15,000 in attendance, LRP has asked to have one-way traffic on Route 112 (Lime Rock Road) from Route 7 to White Hollow Road and the main track entrance between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. and again between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. on both days.

Keep ReadingShow less
Falls Village budget hearing May 21
Photo by Patrick L. Sullivan

FALLS VILLAGE — The Board of Finance will hold a public hearing on the proposed spending plans for 2025-26 Wednesday May 21, 6:30 p.m. at the Emergency Services Center and on Zoom.

First Selectman Dave Barger will present the municipal plan and Board of Education Chair Pat Mechare will handle the plan for the Lee H. Kellogg School.