Identity borrowing

Identity theft is a hot topic just now. There is a cousin, which I like to call identity borrowing. It is what we do when we need to be someone else, just for a while.

For example, I get my hair cut at a place where there are many cutters and sometimes I get a different person. “Just a trim� seems to be a subjective thing, and sometimes I come home with really short hair. In my mind I am now Cary Grant, who sported very short hair for the later part of his career. In this way I convince myself that rather than a hair disaster, I have accidentally become suave.

James Bond is a favorite with a lot of men. You can take a pointless, repetitive, mundane existence and imagine you are actually involved in an international investigation that requires you to melt into the background. You observe everything from the vantage of your faceless location in the crowd. The James Bond theme hums through your mind.

A lot of what the super spy does is just like what you do, except for the gunplay, karate fights, womanizing and high-speed chases. He does seem to stumble into one bad situation after another. At least that part is familiar.

I cannot speak for women, but based on what I see in my generation, I would guess that there is a lot of channeling of Marilyn Monroe. Maybe that is why there are so many dyed blondes, just like Marilyn was. I am not sure what the modern day equivalents are. I am not against this practice. I think Ann Margaret looked really cool with her dyed red hair. Come to think of it, I could use a touch up.

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Some have taken this to another level. They are called historical re-enactors. Some are employed by the parks department, but a lot of them are volunteers. American Revolution and Civil War are two of the favorites. These folks wear period clothes and use period tools. They eat period stews and breads (hardtack is popular) and the men shoot replica weapons and pretend to get shot. They fall down, Hollywood style, rather than choking and coughing up blood, which would be closer to being accurate. Well, you can’t have everything.

As refrigeration was not available back then, I suspect they also get to re-enact dysentery. I know that all I have to do is leave my tuna sandwich at room temperature a little too long. I can just imagine what comes of hanging deer meat in a tree for a couple of days.

I can hardly wait for Halloween.  This year I am going to be a king — just not Louis XVI. He had way too much taken off the top.

Bill Abrams lives in Pine Plains and dreams of being a movie star.