Oil spill: location, location, location

“What if� this tragic oil spill occurred on the fashionable upscale beaches of the Hamptons or those Washington politicians’ hangouts along the Potomac and the beaches of Rehoboth, Del.? Can you take a wild guess as to the presidential and the government response for stopping that oil flow? I’ve got a few thoughts on that and I’m taking the risk of being called a “Republican� for mentioning them but, oh well, here goes.…

“What if� this oil flow wiped out some Hampton beaches and all of the power and wealth of Long Island’s south shore came to bear on a White House that simply says it’s the problem of British Petroleum? Believe me, you don’t want to piss off Jerry Seinfeld, Calvin Klein and Steven Spielberg. And “what if� the Rehoboth Beach politicos like Sen. Dodd united to protest England’s prime minister’s defense of British Petroleum? Luckily we have yet another “Tea Party� aptly named to face another British seaborne transgression.

And (wow) exclamation, the Washington Post crowd on Martha’s Vineyard would certainly get a government response to beach oil damaging their oceanfront cocktail parties. I’m sure that the Kennedys would chime in with Ahnoldt from Kaleefawnya and his state-taxed legalized marijuana to join in a somewhat stoned protest of environment destruction.

Another “what if� has me wondering about the Army Corps of Engineers and their dedication to shoring up expensive oceanfront property in upscale V.I.P. areas.

“It’s all British Petroleum’s problem,� says the president, but in view of the destruction of the shoreline of four southeastern states, that statement is what they call a “cop-out.� This is my country and my father-in-law had been the parks commissioner of Lake Charles, La., and I cannot comprehend the lack of interest in stopping the oil flow on the part of our elected Washington officials. Televised interviews and even radio talk show guys have made some valid suggestions about dealing with the problem.

Technical studies of the oil flow direction of movement in the water have been provided by impromptu guesswork of television weather forecasters. I’ve already viewed a dozen “guess� diagrams of where the oil might travel from untrained experts.

One guess has an oil plume traveling around the tip of Florida and heading for England: Now there’s a real solution to the problem. So long as it doesn’t get to Malibu, Calif.; that’s the land of box-office bombs and drug-ordered rehab. A Washington response on those beaches would offer tranquilizer aid to the over-hyped, overpaid, over there. Now here’s a few “what if� selections.…

• The governor of Louisiana pleaded with the president to authorize the Army Corps of Engineers to build a sand berm to block the flow of oil from entering the wetlands. There was no response to the Republican governor’s pleas.

• Initially the burning of the oil was suggested and it actually worked for a while until the idea was dropped. Why?

• A radio talk show discussion wondered why a panel of experts consisting of engineers and construction personnel who actually build and maintain these drill rigs was not gathered together in order to seek a solution to the problem. At this point, only British Petroleum is involved and they have constantly misstated facts such as oil  flow in the Gulf. They are the only “expertsâ€� involved.

• Actor Kevin Costner testified to having access to an invention that uses centrifugal motion to gather and separate oil from seawater; the idea was tossed aside because it could not remove enough oil quickly. So what’s wrong with removing some oil slowly?

• When one considers the amount of seaworthy craft available for skimming operations, why is there a lack of boats in the water skimming oil?

• Fishermen offered to line up barges as blockage for the floating oil’s movement toward land, but authorities (whoever they are) refused to authorize it.

And in saving the best for last in terms of our failing political leaders, I offer the billionaire mayor of New York City. Like Texas’ Republican Rep. Joe Barton at the BP hearings last week (who has since come to his senses and apologized), Bloomberg  openly expressed his concern for British Petroleum. He actually worried about their corporate profits and their chief executive who “wants his life back,â€� which could be echoed by the workers killed and injured in the explosion, as well as the thousands of marine and land mammals already killed by the oil.

Good Lord! This guy actually represents the people of New York City? Billionaire Mike (approximately $16 billion) has an estate on the island of Bermuda where he spends most of his down time. Its pristine, white sand beaches are far away from the tarred hell caused by that poor oil company. No doubt about it, Mayor Mike, you’ve got location, location, location.

Bill Lee lives in New York City and Sharon and has drawn cartoons for this newspaper and many other publications of note for decades.