Perfect trees for yule

These days my Christmas tree hunt involves a trip to the attic and a lot of squirming and squeezing between boxes until the right ones are found. An occasional contusion from a low beam is about the only hazard. It was not always thus.

For many years we (the young ’uns, my wife and myself) would select a weekend and sally forth in search of “the perfect tree� at the local tree farms.

One upon a time this was the economical way to get your tree. Eventually the tree farms caught on and the prices increased. The more clever added hot chocolate, cider and donuts to the mix.  Saw rental also became a feature for the Clark Griswolds of this world who forgot to bring their own.

There are two types of tree hunters: the perfect tree hunters and the symbolic tree hunters.  

Perfect tree hunters are satisfied with nothing less than perfection: perfect color, perfect shape, perfect size (although they often select a tree that is just a bit too large for the room). Tree farms know this and are not above cosmetic surgery to achieve this.

Symbolic tree hunters are not concerned with all of this. If it is green and can hold decorations it is enough. Like Charlie Brown, they may choose a really mangy specimen just to make a point (although exactly what that point is escapes me).  Often the branch distribution will fall into the colorful category known as “you can throw a cat through them.â€�

All of my childhood trees fell into this class. They were purchased on a lot in the city and were some of the sorriest specimens imaginable, but we thought they were just fine. Maybe this is why I was never a perfect tree person.  

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Wild trees are best installed immediately. One year I decided to store one for a while and set it in a bucket of water. This required thawing the bucket-sized ice chunk attached to the tree before installation.

You also need to be aware that there are things that may have made a home in your tree on the expectation that they would not be disturbed until spring, which the warmth of your living room replicates.

You can leave a fresh-cut tree up for a very long time. Eventually it will make a fine clothes drying rack.  I would be cautious about open flames in the area, however.

Artificial trees are perfection personified, providing you follow the instructions for installing the branches, although it occurs to me that some interesting effects could be achieved by switching things around. If you do it right, you can get a sort of a Mae West effect.

Bill Abrams resides and decorates his Christmas tree in Pine Plains.