Spinning the airwaves to suit your political view

Booming commercial for latest holiday sale and then low-voice violent movie promotion.

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Intro music ) ...

Host:

Hello, listeners, I’m your talkative host, screaming at you on the radio, numbing your ears, driving points home into your brain. I’m going to be here for four hours today making sure you have no doubt whatsoever on my agenda, my position, which I may flip-flop on, but you’ll miss that anyway. Let’s take the first caller... hello you’re on the air with me, the nation’s most important pundit, go ahead caller ...

Caller:

I’m going to say how wonderful you are, how I’m a first time caller, or maybe a regular, it doesn’t matter, we’re all the same, we’re pre-screened to make sure we are going to say something you can agree with ...

Host:

Yes, I will agree with anything I agree with, vehemently.

Caller:

Or perhaps I’ll say something to set you off ...

Host:

How dare you say something against the American people who I talk for? Go ahead, say it, and make sure you squirm a little, give the listeners something to sneer at ...

Caller:

Or maybe I’ll have fooled your call-screening operators and I can try and score a point for the other side on health care asking a yes or no factual question, mentioning real dollar figures ...

Host:

Your signal is breaking up ... here we can cut you off but I’ll ask, to no one in particular since we’ve cut your off ... are you a commie? I’ll go on about how America is besieged by socialists trying to take away the citizens rights ... and quickly – skipping the issue - take another call ...

Caller:

I’m the one chosen and moved up the calling roster because I will say all the things you really want to say about pinko liberals wanting to steal all our money and running up taxes and I’ll prime the pump talking about the deficit ...

Host:

I’ll call you a great American and a person who really understands the dilemma America is facing: the huge socialist spending policy ...

Caller:

I’ll squeak in with the new verb Wallstreet ...

Host:

I’ll cut you off and say that this administration is giving away America’s hard-earned money ...

Caller:

I’ll make the mistake of trying to add "Bush would not have ..."

Host:

I’ll quickly interrupt you to make sure that Bush is given a clean bill of health here, pretend that it is all this administration’s doing, throw huge numbers around like they were accurate, quickly tell you and the listeners how much money they will have to pay back because of these upstarts spending all our money, I’ll make sure I equate our money with American money, not his, making the not so subtle point that he’s not really an American ...

Caller:

I’ll throw in birth certificate ...

Host:

I’ll slow down, be reverential, I’ll say that issue is resolved with a sneer, like it was fixed, further flaming the embers that he’s not really American and go to a new caller ...

Caller:

I’ll ask, as if I don’t know, what your reaction was to the recent election results and respectfully sign off to let you have more callers, creating the impression I was so very honored to have this 5 seconds of air time.

Host:

I’ll thank you and launch into my prepared speech about a changing tide in America, the proof is there, everything will swing away from these pinko liberals, all the while I breathlessly remind you what it is to be a true American, passionately make sure I bang the table or microphone to drive home a point and, generally tell you what you secretly want to hear anyway... that you should be frightened with these liberals in charge and that I only know the real truth and can save you if you become my followers, I’ll call you my listeners, my loyal callers, my real Americans ....

And so it goes, 24/7 on the AM radio heartland radio. The majority media speaks. Nonsense.

Peter Riva, once of Amenia Union, is now of New Mexico.