Rhonda was always doing things for other people and saying “yes” to requests. Often, she found herself completely exhausted emotionally and physically; sometimes all she could do then was stay home in bed all weekend, watch videos and eat junk food. She told me this cycle had been going on for years and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t change. I reminded her of the instructions we all have heard on airplanes: In an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first before helping your children with theirs, because if you’re gasping for air you can’t really help anyone else.So why wasn’t Rhonda taking care of herself? Like most people, she had subconscious beliefs keeping her from from making healthy choices. We identified the three biggest ones.• It’s selfish to really take care of myself before everyone else.• I don’t deserve to do things for myself.• People really need my help.These beliefs were always running through her head and keeping her from doing the right thing for herself. I asked her for some beliefs that were more true than the above limiting beliefs.• If I don’t take care of myself, I am no good for anyone else.• If I put myself first, I can do more for myself and for everyone else.To help start a new pattern, you need to take action. I asked Rhonda specifically what she could do to take care of herself in the next two weeks. Some of her ideas:• Get a massage.• Leave work by 5:30 p.m. most days.• Take the time to eat a healthy lunch instead of wolfing down a sandwich at her desk.For Rhonda, this changed the idea of self-nourishment from theoretical talk to an action plan that she could actually start on that very week.I asked Rhonda to visualize the new way she wanted to be regarding an upcoming baseball game outing. Instead of calling everyone and organizing meeting places and transportation, she was going to let someone else do it. And instead of running to get food for everyone at the game, she visualized just sitting there and enjoying the game. After the outing, she reported, “It was a new experience to just relax and enjoy myself!”If you are a giver by nature, it is unlikely that you will turn into a selfish monster when you start to make yourself a priority. I have never seen a natural giver stop giving when they started to take care of themselves. This applied to Rhonda as well.The more Rhonda put herself first, the more she came to see that people got along just fine without her help, and didn’t think any less of her when she said no. She noticed that almost no one gave her a hard time when she said no to a request.Remember: If you don’t keep yourself in good physical shape, you might not have the stamina to do everything you need to do and to help other people.If you’re not getting enough sleep, you may not be as alert as you need to be to get everything done.If you’re overworked, things might slip through the cracks in your personal life and reach a crisis point. If you’re doing things for others to the detriment of yourself, you might feel resentful, and this is certainly not the way you want to show up for everyone else. Brooke Loening is a life coach in Sharon who works with individuals, and runs weekly coaching groups on achieving growth in career, health and relationships. To make column suggestions, email bloening@snet.net.
Latest News
Jane Herold’s beautifully simple dinnerware.
Cornwall ceramicist Jane Herold explained that there’s quite a lot of enthusiasm for Clay Way among the region’s ceramic artists.
“We all need work space, which is hard to find or afford in urban areas. The wood-fire crowd needs lots of wood and outdoor space. This area is great because it’s rural enough for us, but has a wonderfully enthusiastic and supportive population of pottery [patrons].”
While many of the artists are returning from previous years, the loose collection of unofficial organizers likes to keep the event manageable for the public, limiting the number of artists and studios each year. A direct drive from the southernmost point at Ann Heywood’s studio in Wingdale to Herold’s big barn in Cornwall is under 40 minutes. But if you want to catch it all, plan for a full day’s worth of art exploration along some of the most beautiful roads in New England.
Starting at its northernmost point, Herold’s studio will host Matin Malikzada of Afghanistan, whose polished, modern interpretations of traditional forms are instantly recognizable. They’ll be joined by wood-fired ceramicists Steve Johnson, with his raw, organic forms, and Harry Levenstein, whose works relate closely to Johnson’s while making even more direct references to nature.
Herold herself creates work that is both beautiful and utilitarian. Her prolific output of objects is intended to be used by everyday people as part of their daily lives.
Moving south is Todd Piker of Cornwall Bridge Pottery. Piker has been making pots in his giant wood-fired kiln since 1971. The kiln looks more like an ancient blast furnace than something designed to transform clay into ceramics, but over the years, he’s mastered its intricacies and produces an impressive amount of fine work.
A ceramic vase by Kathleen Heidemann.Provided
Piker will host Sanah Peterson, who works at Cornwall Bridge Pottery and draws inspiration from both her time with Piker and her time traveling the globe as a child. They’ll be joined by Stephanie Haines, whose vibrant, eye-catching work features underglaze illustrations of birds, fruit and the bounty of nature.
Further along in Warren, Jessica Dubin’s pieces will be on display at the studio of Christine Owen. Both artists seem to appreciate the chaos and unpredictable nature of clay but find ways to refine it all using their own unique methods.
Heading east to Washington, Conn., Will Talbot’s creates intricate work while allowing for the unpredictable nature of clay to play a role. His studio will house Tom Knox and his wide variety of textures and forms, as well as New York City-based Alex Lebedev, who lets music and the nature of improvisation guide his work.
There will be two studios participating in South Kent. Alison Palmner, whose page on the Clay Way website states she “strives to achieve a lighthearted meld of human forms, animals and the vessel.” Her studio will host Ben Eberle, who trained under the guidance of legendary potter Toshiko Takaezu; James Guggina, whose intricate work can appear both deliberate and whimsical; and Paula Shalan, who blends rough, unrefined surfaces with polished precision in individual pieces.
Joy Brown’s delightful ceramic sculptures.Provided
Nearby is Joy Brown, whose work have become a staple of the area, with her figurative sculptures dotting the Northwest Corner. Brown’s studio will also feature Bonnie Levine, who taps into the beauty of chaos and destruction in her work, and Brendan Moore, whose more utilitarian forms are perfect for everyday use.
Finally, the tour crosses the border into Wingdale, New York, where the studios of Drew Montgomery, Ann Heywood and Amy Brenner will host Jackie Sedlock, Lynn Behrendt,and Kathleen Heidemann.
Brenner creates some of the most colorful and vibrant pieces on the tour, while Behrendt’s work is among the most studied and precise. Heywood creates carefully considered, intuitive forms, while Heidemann moves from simple minimalism to intricate textures. Montgomery and Sedlock both find new ways of playing with traditional forms, producing delightfully distinctive pieces.
To learn more about the artists and download a map of participating studios, visit clayway.net
Matteo works as the ever-enthusiastic auctioneer, and he puts on a real show. In just a few hours, he presents and sells hundreds of items, from antique furniture and rugs to art and decorative items, even taxidermy, jewelry and other odds and ends you probably wouldn’t expect. Community is part of the show, with Matteo joking around with regulars. Attendees congratulate each other on their purchases, and even educate each other about the items as matteo keeps the momentum going. If items aren’t moving, Matteo will remind the room that he’s got alimony to pay, and it’s up to everybody in the room to help him raise the funds.
For the past 15 years, this has all happened in that highly visible building at the main intersection in North Canaan. Now, Mattea, Kolbacher and their Stateline Auctions crew have moved off the beaten path. For some frugal bidders, this might seem like a good thing. After all, the fewer people who know about the auction, the fewer people they have to bid against when their lots come up.
Hundreds of items at Stateline Auctions, including a candy-apple-red Crosley pickup truck.D.H. Callahan
Unfortunately for those who consistently show up, the competition these days is less in the room and more online. Stateline has been running simultaneous auctions through the real-time auction website and app LiveAuctioneers.com, where the entire event is streamed live. Throughout the eight-hour event, the online viewership rarely, if ever, dips below 600 individual users. This technological development creates more potential buyers for Stateline and also allows busy bidders to keep an eye on their lots while out and about.
The new space, still in North Canaan, just barely south of the Massachusetts border, is a sizable warehouse packed to the ceiling with precious finds. It’s bigger, brighter and has ample parking.
The auction on Oct. 11 featured all kinds of lots, including three cars. A candy-apple-red Crosley pickup truck grabbed every eye in the room and even more attention online. Amid all the enthusiasm, it was heartwarming to witness the entire audience erupt in applause as young bidder Molly Seitz burst into tears after winning the truck. The beautiful vintage vehicle had belonged to her grandfather, who had given her driving lessons in it before he died.
Between resellers, collectors and the casually curious, the performance that is a Sunday at Stateline Auctions is a delightful way to breathe new life into old items. There’s rarely a set date for the next auction, but it generally takes about six weeks before they’re ready with their next round of goods. This time, Matteo predicts a sale after Thanksgiving, but if you want to be safe, follow their auction on liveauctioneers.com.
Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.
