Yes, be selfish, it could be good for you

Rhonda was always doing things for other people and saying “yes” to requests. Often, she found herself completely exhausted emotionally and physically; sometimes all she could do then was stay home in bed all weekend, watch videos and eat junk food. She told me this cycle had been going on for years and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t change. I reminded her of the instructions we all have heard on airplanes: In an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first before helping your children with theirs, because if you’re gasping for air you can’t really help anyone else.So why wasn’t Rhonda taking care of herself? Like most people, she had subconscious beliefs keeping her from from making healthy choices. We identified the three biggest ones.• It’s selfish to really take care of myself before everyone else.• I don’t deserve to do things for myself.• People really need my help.These beliefs were always running through her head and keeping her from doing the right thing for herself. I asked her for some beliefs that were more true than the above limiting beliefs.• If I don’t take care of myself, I am no good for anyone else.• If I put myself first, I can do more for myself and for everyone else.To help start a new pattern, you need to take action. I asked Rhonda specifically what she could do to take care of herself in the next two weeks. Some of her ideas:• Get a massage.• Leave work by 5:30 p.m. most days.• Take the time to eat a healthy lunch instead of wolfing down a sandwich at her desk.For Rhonda, this changed the idea of self-nourishment from theoretical talk to an action plan that she could actually start on that very week.I asked Rhonda to visualize the new way she wanted to be regarding an upcoming baseball game outing. Instead of calling everyone and organizing meeting places and transportation, she was going to let someone else do it. And instead of running to get food for everyone at the game, she visualized just sitting there and enjoying the game. After the outing, she reported, “It was a new experience to just relax and enjoy myself!”If you are a giver by nature, it is unlikely that you will turn into a selfish monster when you start to make yourself a priority. I have never seen a natural giver stop giving when they started to take care of themselves. This applied to Rhonda as well.The more Rhonda put herself first, the more she came to see that people got along just fine without her help, and didn’t think any less of her when she said no. She noticed that almost no one gave her a hard time when she said no to a request.Remember: If you don’t keep yourself in good physical shape, you might not have the stamina to do everything you need to do and to help other people.If you’re not getting enough sleep, you may not be as alert as you need to be to get everything done.If you’re overworked, things might slip through the cracks in your personal life and reach a crisis point. If you’re doing things for others to the detriment of yourself, you might feel resentful, and this is certainly not the way you want to show up for everyone else. Brooke Loening is a life coach in Sharon who works with individuals, and runs weekly coaching groups on achieving growth in career, health and relationships. To make column suggestions, email bloening@snet.net.

Latest News

Cornwall honors former
slave and war hero

First Selectman Gordon Ridgway presents the proclamation declaring Feb. 8 Robin Starr Day in Cornwall.

Riley Klein

CORNWALL — Nearly 245 years a er he purchased his freedom, Robin Starr — a formerly enslaved Revolutionary War veteran— was officially recognized last week when the Town of Cornwall proclaimed Feb. 8 as Robin Starr Day.

Starr, who served in the Revolutionary War, is the subject of a research project undertaken by the7th-grade class of Cornwall Consolidated School. He was a veteran of many battles, including the Battle of Stony Point and the Battle of Yorktown, and he was a recipient of the Badge of Military Merit (an early version of the Purple Heart).

Keep ReadingShow less
Salisbury celebrates 100th Jumpfest

Kaelan Mullen-Leathem jumps in the Salisbury Invitational.

Patrick L. Sullivan

SALISBURY — Salisbury Winter Sports Association kicked off its centennial celebration Friday evening, Feb. 6, in classic festive style as temperate weather – alongside roaring bonfires and ample libations – kept Jumpfest-goers comfy as skiers flew, fireworks boomed and human dog sledders, well, did what human dog sledders do.

Before the truly hyperborean conditions of Saturday and Sunday set in, Friday night brought the crowds – enough that both the vast SWSA parking lot, and overflow, were completely full by 6:45 p.m.

Keep ReadingShow less
Salisbury ski jumpers put on show for students

Gus Tripler prepares to jump from the new 36-meter jump.

Margaret Banker

SALISBURY - With the Winter Olympics just weeks away, Olympic dreams felt a little closer to home for Salisbury Central School students on Feb. 4, when student ski jumpers from the Salisbury Winter Sports Association put on a live demonstration at the Satre Hill Ski Jumping Complex for more than 300 classmates and teachers.

With screams of delight, student-athletes soared through the air, showcasing years of training and focus for an audience of their peers. The atmosphere was electric as the jumpers soaked up the attention like local celebrities.

Keep ReadingShow less
Classifieds - February 5, 2026

Help Wanted

PART-TIME CARE-GIVER NEEDED: possibly LIVE-IN. Bright private STUDIO on 10 acres. Queen Bed, En-Suite Bathroom, Kitchenette & Garage. SHARON 407-620-7777.

The Scoville Memorial Library: is seeking an experienced Development Coordinator to provide high-level support for our fundraising initiatives on a contract basis. This contractor will play a critical role in donor stewardship, database management, and the execution of seasonal appeals and events. The role is ideal for someone who is deeply connected to the local community and skilled at building authentic relationships that lead to meaningful support. For a full description of the role and to submit a letter of interest and resume, contact Library Director Karin Goodell, kgoodell@scovillelibrary.org.

Keep ReadingShow less