And Bingo Was His Name-O

Those Indians in the movie “Little Big Man� had a great concept. They spent time with someone before conferring a name on him. If I had known then what I know now, our dog’s name would have been either Fight-O or Guardzilla. Fearless and Suspicious are his middle names.

He has a state trooper’s mentality. Ever try to be friendly with a trooper you don’t know? Their eyes narrow. Their speech becomes clipped. Their entire demeanor says, “What are you trying to pull?� That’s our dog.

A stranger could offer him a raw steak and it would cut no ice. He simply takes the gift (presumably for use as evidence), carefully places it on the floor for future inspection and continues his assessment. Don’t try to touch him without his permission. You might not get those fingers back.

Some of my dogs’ names I got right. There was Buddy, Mad Max and Orphan Annie. Of course some I missed the mark on. There should have been Thelma and Louise, Roller and Spot (a slight problem with housebreaking). Probably the most appropriate was the little Scottish terrier that wandered in years ago. I puzzled and puzzled about what to call her. After all, she had to have a name. I had to call her something. Something it was.

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I was not allowed to have anything larger than a parakeet as a kid. My father never trusted dogs, cautioning me when the first baby arrived to be sure that I kept the dogs well fed. He was dead serious.

When I left home, I over compensated, having as many as three dogs at one time. The thing about three dogs is that you never really have control. You bring one to heel, redirect your attention to No.  2, bringing him under control, then while turning to No. 3, the first one realizes that you are busy and begins to do his own thing. Not so fast there! I saw you. But so has No. 2 who is now busy with his own agenda. And so it goes in a sort of infinity circle. Complete control eludes. (I later found that this basic truth, like many others with dogs, also applies to kids.)

Survival tip: Science Diet — Adult Small Bites provides all of the daily nutrition your dog requires. I think it stands to reason that it will do the same for you. If you always keep a bag in your car and another in your home you will never starve, and you don’t have to worry so much when the dog gives you that hungry look.

Hey! Quit hoggin’ the Milk Bones!

Bill Abrams resides in Pine Plains.