Eliciting the opinions of people at the dentist’s office

Her name, she told me, is Rainier, “like the Prince,” she said. “I wish I had some of what he had,” she added with a grin. We were waiting in the parlor at the dentist’s office. Rainier, I would say, is in her mid-60s, a proper, well-dressed African-American woman. Not shy, she’s a talker, the kind of person who will not suffer the silence of a public space privately.

“What you think ’bout that?” she asked. I looked up, not immediately grasping her question, until I saw she was looking at a stack of celebrity magazines. On top an issue featuring the transitioning Bruce Jenner.

“I’m confused,” I said, now flipping through the stack. Each cover had a photo of Jenner, either from earlier days as a star male athlete or of his nearly current state, an ambiguous but famous person, titillating headlines all. The most recent magazine, featuring the seductive Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner, was not in this stack, as its provocative cover had only the day before been exploded for publicity purposes. I had seen it and asked if Rainier had. “On the news,” she said. “I don’t read magazines.”

“All your life as one thing...” Her voice trailed then returned with “God did not make us the same. That’s sure.” She didn’t wait for anything from me and began a story about a girl she knew from her neighborhood who had been a boy, playing with a puppy,  a “shy child,” years ago.

“What do you say when you see her now?” I asked.

“I say, how’s your mother? I’m not cruel.”

Overhearing all this had been the dentist’s assistant, Eva, come to summon a patient. She’s a Polish immigrant, she said proudly, 30 years here.

Annoyed, she said, “He’s self-centered to the end. He’ll make millions over this.”

“Do you think,” I asked her, “he’d surgically alter his body that much just for money?”

“I don’t trust him. I don’t know him.” Then she said — was it hopefully? — “if you connect with a person, you don’t care.”

There are, research tells me, at least 700,000, perhaps more than 3 million, transgender people in this country. No one knows for sure, as the vast majority fly well below statistical radar. Among them are lawyers, data professionals, dentists, doctors, models, actresses, even reality show stars. If the press is to be believed, many are supporting Jenner through this very public transition. Yet many too are skeptical.

As one fully transitioned transgender woman has said, “There has been little coverage of the pain and depression that goes with being in the wrong body. Nor have I seen any coverage of the fact that Ms. Jenner represents many, many others who don’t have her money or notoriety, or that many lose their families, friends and livelihood when they transition ... until transpeople are finally protected from discrimination in employment, housing and public accommodations everywhere in the country I don’t think we will have made even the minimal steps towards general acceptance by society.”

On the way home from the dentist’s I heard a radio news report about a transgender woman who had allegedly been assaulted on a New York City subway platform. Throughout, the reporter used female pronouns in reference to the victim. A grammatical step forward, I suppose.

My source remains wary. “How we interact with others, and how those closest to us feel about us, determines a large portion of how we feel about ourselves. ... While we may be getting a lot of visibility, I think there is a big difference between visibility and acceptance.”

Don DeCesare is a veteran of more than 40 years in radio and television. Most recently, he was appointed by the state Legislature to serve as co-chair of the Connecticut Task Force on Victims’ Privacy Rights and the Public’s Right to Know. He lives in Silvermine with his wife, Catherine.