I got the blues

Everyone knows that you lose height as you get older. What I recently realized is that your feet also get bigger. My shoes are a half size larger these days. This is nature’s way of compensating us for the balance issues that most of us seem to have around the same time. We need a wider base and not so much height. I think a lot of the balance problem is because our weight has moved around on our bodies. I know that while I am the correct weight for my height, my waist size is actually larger. Some have a problem with hips, while for others it is their head. The cure for Big Head is called decapitation.I used to wonder why so many older men either wore their pants way up high or used suspenders. Well, wearing your belt where you always used to no longer does the job. The new waist shape forces the belt down. It is like trying to tighten a string around a rubber ball just below the center line. The harder you squeeze, the faster it travels. You have to go above the bulge so this works in your favor, pulling them up. Suspenders bypass the issue, literally. You just find a flat spot up high, usually the shoulders, and hang your pants from there.I notice that a lot of seniors have adopted the sport trainer shoe. This is what they call sneakers that cost more than ten bucks. I am not sure I understand why they should cost more than ten bucks. During the Korean War when Communist China sent in masses of soldiers to bolster up North Korea they fitted them out at the absolute minimum cost as there were a lot of them and they were real big on the “human wave” attack at that time; thousands of men charging enemy positions, some without weapons waiting to pick up something from the previously killed. After all, why spend all that money on stuff for everybody when you know that a lot of them won’t actually get much use out of it. Their cold weather clothing included a cotton-quilted jacket, no gloves, and … sneakers.Then there is color. I am extremely wary of colored sneakers. Years ago I had a blue pair with cloth uppers. I was really into jogging then and went out in all sorts of weather. After returning from a wet run, upon removing my shoes I discovered that my feet had been dyed Smurf blue. It took days to come off. The family just thought this was SO funny.And my wife wonders why I won’t wear sneakers these days.Bill Abrams resides in Pine Plains with a closet full of suspenders, but empty of sneakers.