Thank you!
Your support is sustaining the future of local news in our communities.

Don’t live your ‘story’ over and over again

Jim found himself in the same predicament again and again. He was constantly trying to make it up to people for disappointments he felt he had caused. “I’m always disappointing people, and then running around trying to fix it.” In his childhood, there had been a pattern in which his mother was constantly disappointed in him and he was sure that “un-disappointing” her would win her affection; at that age it felt like life or death to him. That was a long time ago, but Jim, in his mid 40s now, still found himself disappointing and “un-disappointing” his friends and co-workers.At work he was in demand and his co-workers were constantly asking for his advice and help. He was always saying “yes” to projects and requests for extra research, and serving on various internal think tanks. But he found himself overwhelmed, overscheduled and dropping the ball when it came to returning e-mails and on general follow through. He felt people were constantly thinking that he had forgotten about them or that they were a low priority for him.He couldn’t live with leaving people in a bind, so much of his time was spent running around trying to make it up to them. It was a vicious cycle because the more time he spent fixing things, the less time he had to follow through on his promises. Subconsciously, it appeared to be working perfectly for him, though. Making it up to co-workers he had disappointed felt better than just following through in the first place, or being honest and saying “no” when he was overextended. The storyJim was clearly replaying the whole disappoint, un-disappoint scenario of his childhood. This was his story. Un-disappointing his mother translated into getting the love he needed for his very survival as a child. As an adult, on an unconscious level, he was setting up situations where he would disappoint people so he would be able to make it up to them. To Jim, getting approval from other people depended on this story playing itself out. Your “story” is what allows you to survive in life; it is who you think you are, and without it you might feel threatened. People can go through their lives with a story about themselves, constructed from childhood, which they will constantly recreate situations to prove that the story is true. AwarenessJim knew that this pattern of constantly saying “yes” when he could not follow through, then disappointing everyone, and finally trying to fix everything, was not working for anyone. The process of talking about how it repeatedly played itself out in so many ways, and tracing its origins, helped Jim understand the bigger picture and take more control.With this new awareness of his “story,” Jim was able to start cutting back on saying yes when he was overbooked and setting himself up for disappointing everyone. He knew that his survival and happiness did not depend on being able to continually make it up to everyone. ActionI suggested to Jim that he say “no” to a request that he knew was going to land in his e-mail that week. He was able to do it, and experienced a sense of relief when it was received very well. He continued to choose specific situations where he could make better choices in not disappointing his coworkers. With each one, it got easier as he began to realize that it was safe for him to choose that new path, that he would survive without all the disappointing and un-disappointing. What is your story? Seldom does a story built from childhood experiences continue to work in your favor later in life. Becoming aware of your story is the first step to undoing your subconscious need to live it over and over. Brooke Loening is a life coach in Sharon who works with individuals, and runs weekly coaching groups on achieving growth in career, health and relationships. To make column suggestions, e-mail him at bloening@snet.net.

Latest News

Fallen tree downs power lines, blocks Route 112

Eversource crews work to repair damaged power lines after a tree fell near onto Route 112 just north of the Interlaken Inn on Monday, June 22.

Photo by Nathan Miller

LAKEVILLE — A tree fell on Route 112 Monday, June 22, downing power lines and blocking traffic north of Route 41 near the Hotchkiss Four Corners.

Eversource crews on scene at 4:45 p.m. said power lines were being repaired and utility service had been restored to customers in the area.

Keep ReadingShow less

Francis Lynehan

Francis Lynehan

DOVER PLAINS — Francis “Butch” Lynehan, 75, a twenty-year resident of Dover Plains, New York, formerly of Sharon, passed away unexpectedly on Thursday, May 7, 2026 at Vassar Bros. Medical Center in Poughkeepsie, New York.

Born Aug. 29, 1950, in Sharon, he was the son of the late William W. and Nellie (Kluun) Lynehan.

Keep ReadingShow less

Richard McGriff

Richard McGriff

TACONIC — Richard McGriff died unexpectedly on May 16, 2026. This is a collection of loving reminiscences.

With a smile like that and a laugh like that and a soul like that, how could you not love him? Macey Levin and Gloria Miller

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

Juneteenth graduation celebrates Berkshire’s next generation of leaders

Cohort 2026 members Abigail Horace, Adam Liccardi, Adrian Lynch, Cameo Brown, Chauncey Dozier, Claudette Grant, Erline Saintilet, Harmony Edwards, Kamayue Gomes, Mackenzie Colvin, Otis West, Shadre Domingo, TJ West and Tyeesha Keele-Kedroe and Blackshires’ leadership team John Lewis, Patrick Danahey, Dubois Thomas and Julie Haagenson gather at the Blackshires City Hall Fishbowl alongside Mayor Peter Marchetti and city officials Michael Obasohan, Brandon Gill, Katherine VanBramer, Heather Brazeau, Justine Dodds and Jesse Tobin McCauley.

Provided

When designer Abigail Horace joined the Blackshires Leadership Accelerator, she was looking for support for her business, Casa Marcelo, which was founded in Salisbury in 2019. Through the Accelerator, she created the Black Berkshires Social Club, which creates culturally grounded social spaces for Black and BIPOC residents in the region. Throughout her experience, Horace found a community of peers invested in one another’s success.

“Finding Blackshires has been transformative,” Horace said. “Being a BIPOC founder in this region can feel isolating, and this community has changed that. They see my work, champion my business and have opened doors I couldn’t have opened alone.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Forged by curiosity: Art, craftsmanship and big fun with Izzy Fitch

Izzy Fitch at Battle Hill Forge in Wassaic.

Madi Long
I’m not really inventing anything new. I just tweak it a little bit.— Izzy Fitch

A steel praying mantis stands among garden accents at Battle Hill Forge in Wassaic, its folded forelegs ready for prayer and mischief in equal measure.

“She’s very nice,” said blacksmith, sculptor and Battle Hill Forge owner Izzy Fitch, patting the giant insect affectionately. Then he added, “Just don’t go out to dinner with her.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Unexpected subjects, familiar beauty in new Kent exhibits
Millerton-based artist Alexis England with her flamingo and mandrill portraits at Peggy Mercury in Kent.
D.H. Callahan

Kent Barns was alive with art on Saturday, June 13, as three new shows opened at Peggy Mercury and Kenise Barnes Fine Art, featuring a variety of fascinating paintings and drawings from four local artists.

Peggy Mercury, which in just two years has earned a reputation for curating remarkable collections of fine beauty products and accessories, continues to find exciting art to complement its offerings. The new show, “Portraits,” features four pairs of paintings by Millerton-based artist Alexis England. The “portraits” she paints, however, feature some pretty unexpected sitters.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.