Finding the Perfect Beach Reads in a Not-So-Beachy Summer

OK, so this summer has been a bummer as far as the beach goes. But that doesn’t mean you can’t escape with a few good beach reads this month. Just spread a towel on the couch, bring the reading lamp in close and have a suitably festive drink (preferably with an umbrella) within reach. Sprinkle some sand around for further authenticity (and a lot of vacuuming when you’re finished).

To my mind, the main criteria for a beach read is that the book be good enough to keep you turning pages, but bad enough that if you drop it in the water you won’t miss it. A kind of “love the one you’re with� philosophy, if you will. Trust me, all of the below qualify.

Nicholas Sparks, of “Notebook� fame, has another one called “Dear John� (Warner Books), a title you know can’t mean good things. John Tyree, born in Wilmington, DE, is raised by his father after his mother disappears. Rebellious in a non-​threatening sort of way (grades are bad), John joins the Army after high school. On leave home, he’s at a local pier watching two college girls. When one girl’s bag is knocked into the water, John jumps in to retrieve it for her. She’s grateful. Her name (no surprise) is Savannah. Surely you can see where this is going, and it does, with enough salt water tears and rough romantic waters to last a lifetime.

In “The Beach House� (Plume), by Jane Green (“Dune Road�), Nan Powell is a widow in her 60s, owner of a grand old manse, Windemere, on the beach in Nantucket. Lately she’s lost some of her zest for life; maybe it’s because she’s hit a tough financial patch. Time to rent rooms! And as her little collection of tenants grows, so do the financial and emotional attachments. A fun read for anyone who knows the island.

How does he do it — even with help? “Sundays at Tiffany’s� (Grand Central Publishing), the bazillionth novel by James Patterson (this time with Gabrielle Charbonnet co-​authoring) takes an interesting premise — what if your childhood imaginary playmate turned out to be real? — and runs with it. Sort of. Poor little rich girl Jane Margeaux has grown up to be a poor big rich girl when she meets her old pal, Michael, who saved her (emotional) life once. Will he again?

In Maryann McFadden’s “So Happy Togetherâ€� (Hyperion), it’s finally Claire Noble’s time to shine. Or so she thinks. She’s engaged to a Nice Guy, for whom she’s going to quit her teaching job and move to Arizona, where they will live in a handsome condo and play golf all day (uh-​oh! Reader take note: She doesn’t play golf). Before she goes, Claire signs up for a photography course on Cape Cod and is offered a photo assignment by a handsome (hmm) writer who will cause trouble later. Sooner, however, trouble  arrives in the form of her estranged daughter, Amy, and Claire’s ailing parents. Plucky Claire does her best to deal with them all — and survive a two-​night stay in an isolated beach shack, which just might change her life.

The over-​the-​top prize goes to Gigi Levangie Grazer (“The Starter Wifeâ€�), whose “Queen Takes Kingâ€� (Simon & Schuster) pits Jackson Power, ridiculously rich New York City real-​estate mogul with bad hair (anyone you know?) against his soon-​to-​be-​former trophy wife, Cynthia Hunsaker Power, a former prima ballerina who is battling to retain her chairmanship of the New York Ballet Theater board. “Jacksâ€� is having an affair with Lara, star of morning TV, whom he is convinced he wants to marry. Compromising  pictures of Jacks and Lara appear alongside pictures of the Powers’ 25th-anniversary party in the same issue of the Post. And that’s when things get fun. These people aren’t particularly nice people, but at heart they’re not truly nasty, so the riotous battle that ensues — much of it unbelievable by any standards of normality, of course — is great good fun.  If this one falls in the water, you’ll be wanting to fish it out fast.