The hungry games

How come everything on the planet is trying to eat everything else, with the sometime exception of certain plants which seem to be able to live on sunshine and dirt. Of course they are not completely innocent. In an attempt to defend themselves against being eaten many give off noxious substances or make themselves taste bad. A lot of insects do the taste-bad thing. This is not much help for the one being eaten, but sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team.Even the humble lawn has a trick or two up its sleeve. Mine has been trying to kill me for years. It starts in the spring when it grows like crazy forcing me to cut it two or three times a week. As the warmer weather sets in it changes its tactics. Now instead of frequency, it is the hot weather. Either way I am in danger of collapse; then the lawn will use me for fertilizer. The rose bush, suspecting I am on blood thinners, has a bumper crop of thorns.There is a big vine drooping down from the maple out back. I do not get entangled, nothing so sophisticated. Man-eating plants are reserved for the jungles. However, I do seem to have an uncontrolled urge to try to pull it down off the tree. This results in several dead branches the size of my arm raining down on my foolish head. If this doesn’t do the job, the vine has a plan B; those yummy looking berries that will send a grown man into convulsions or at least stain his shirt.u u uI used to settle down in my lawn chair when the warm weather set in to enjoy the outdoors. This was before I really saw what was going on. The coyotes are trying to kill the cats, the cats are trying to kill the birds who are trying to kill the bugs who are trying to kill each other and me. Sometimes the bug has a little helper in the form of West Nile Virus or Lyme’s. Some of the bugs are trying to kill the plants, too. Maybe this is why the plants are so cranky and are taking it out on me. Please pass the salad.Sometimes people eat bugs. Not the occasional accidental fly in the mouth. In primitive cultures the locals eat the termites. They have learned to use a stick to fish them out by watching the monkeys. Sometimes they eat the monkeys.As far as large predators go we do not have a lot of them around here. We do have bears and pumas, but they do not usually actively search out humans unless the humans do something stupid, like going into their woods.Anybody want to buy a pair of slightly-used hiking boots?Bill Abrams watches what he eats, and who might eat him, in Pine Plains.

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