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My mind wandered a lot during the two hours and 23 minutes of the 3D revamp of George Lucas’ “Star Wars Episode One — The Phantom Menace.”For starters, I am not entirely clear as to what “phantom menace” refers to. The menace seemed pretty above-board to me — all these little droid soldier things everywhere, plus the two Trade Federation guys with no noses.And the fellow with the red-and-black face paint job. Not one of these was a phantom.I’d better back up. Liam Neeson is Qui-Gon Jinn, a Jedi knight, which means he can fight his way out of almost anything, utter gnomic pronouncements that everyone believes and dress like a dork at a comic book convention and not get laughed at. His sidekick, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), is along for the ride and has the added advantage that his made-up name sounds almost normal by comparison.So they have to go get these Trade Federation jerks to stop the boycott of Naboo because the Galactic Senate is too busy racing their super senate pod ship things around the Great Hall to do anything useful. But the Federation guys find that because they don’t have noses, they can’t smell a rat. Anyway, they are in the tank for some shadowy evil guy who appears on secret holograms every so often to give orders and threaten. So there’s this whole complicated thing with the Queen (Natalie Portman) and the Gungans and escaping to another planet and finding some spare engine parts and a little kid named Ani who will turn out to be Darth Vader, but we really don’t know that. And lots of meetings and then a version of a demolition derby and some more meetings and space ships and the Gungan army and zip zap powie wowie zowie — in 3D.I might as well just lay this out: This movie is boring, with or without the special glasses.Here are some of the things that crossed my mind as I fidgeted in my seat:• The accent of the no-noses Trade Federation bigshots was an uneasy cross between a yakuza chief in a Japanese gangster flick and the late Ricardo Montalban extolling the virtues of the Chrysler Cordoba.• The Galactic Senate doesn’t use Robert’s Rules of Order. • The trip through the planet Naboo’s core, a dark, wet place filled with dangerous creatures, reminded me of the colonoscopy I have scheduled for next month.• I wish I got paid to write lines such as “Zsa Zsa bunga the booba!”• When the power goes out of the droid army it reminded me of the first week of November around here.What I really want to know is this: Is there no need for guard rails in space? Everywhere you go there are platforms sticking way the hell up in the air for landing your ship on, and not a guard rail in sight.If this flick were shorter and paced better there would be no time to wonder about these things, and that’s the problem. The other problem is getting up to go to the bathroom and forgetting to take off the 3D glasses.If you’re a Star Wars person, or a comic book collector, or captain of the Quidditch team at Nerd State, then you have to go see this and marvel at Jar Jar’s 3D tongue work. And if you have a little boy your parental duty is clear. Otherwise... “Star Wars Episode One — The Phantom Menace” is at The Moviehouse in Millerton and elsewhere. It is rated PG for sci-fi action/violence.
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Telecom Reg’s Best Kept On the Books
When Connecticut land-use commissions update their regulations, it seems like a no-brainer to jettison old telecommunications regulations adopted decades ago during a short-lived period when municipalities had authority to regulate second generation (2G) transmissions prior to the Connecticut Siting Council (CSC) being ordered by a state court in 2000 to regulate all cell tower infrastructure as “functionally equivalent” services.
It is far better to update those regs instead, especially for macro-towers given new technologies like small cells. Even though only ‘advisory’ to the CSC, the preferences of towns by law must be taken into consideration in CSC decision making. Detailed telecom regs – not just a general wish list -- are evidence that a town has put considerable thought into where they prefer such infrastructure be sited without prohibiting service that many – though not all – citizens want and that first responders rely on for public safety.
Such regs come in handy when egregious tower sites are proposed in sensitive areas, typically on private land. The regs are a town’s first line of defense, especially when cross referenced to plans of conservation and development, P&Z regulations, and wetlands setbacks. They identify how/where the town plans to intersect with the CSC process. They are also a roadmap for service providers regarding preferred sites and sometimes less neighborhood contention. In fact, to have no telecom regs can weaken a town’s rights to protect environmental, scenic, and historic assets, and serve up whole neighborhoods to unnecessary overlapping coverage and corporate overreach. Such regs are unique to every town and should not follow anyone else’s boiler plate, especially industry’s.
Connecticut is the only state that has a centralized siting entity for cell towers. The good news is that applicants must prove need for new tower sites in an evidentiary proceeding and any decisions have the weight of the state behind them. The bad news is that the CSC used to be far less industry-friendly and rote in their reviews, which now resemble a check list. There is an operative assumption at CSC that if an applicant wants a tower, they must need it, otherwise why spend significant money to run the approval gauntlet? This reflects a subtle shift over the years at CSC from sincere willingness to protect the environment toward minimal tweaking of bad applications with minor changes. The bottom line is that towns really cannot rely on the CSC to do all the work for them.
What CSC issues telecom providers is a “certificate of environmental compatibility” after an evidentiary proceeding (not unlike a court case) with intervenors, parties, expert witnesses, and the service provider’s technical pro’s sworn in and subject to cross examination. Service providers get to do the same with any opposition from intervenor/party participants – like towns and citizens -- and their experts. It’s an impressive process whose ultimate goal is the fine balancing between allowing adequate/reliable public services and protecting state ecology with minimal damage to scenic, historic, and recreational values. They unfortunately often fall short of their mandate – like approving cell towers with diesel generators over town aquifers -- evidenced by CSC only rejecting about five cell towers in the past 15-20 years.
The CSC was founded in 1972 and clarified its mission in the 1980’s to prevent the state from being carved up willy-nilly by gas pipelines, high tension corridors, and broadcast towers. With the sudden proliferation of cell towers beginning in late 1990’s, it became the most sued agency in Connecticut by both an arrogant upstart industry if applications were denied and by towns/citizens when bad sites were forced on them. CSC gradually formed a defensive posture that drives their decisions toward industry with deeper pockets and attorneys on retainer.
For citizens, nothing can wreck one’s day like the CSC. It behooves towns to protect what little toolkit they have, and understand the legal parameters of the CSC’s playing field. The CSC is not a “normal” government agency where municipal/citizen redress is based on logic and local support. Their process is largely immune to everything but specific kinds of evidence – like town regs with setbacks/fall zones, radio frequency transmission signal strengths, sensitive areas identified, and detailed wildlife inventory, among others.
There is a current cell tower fight involving two intervening towns -- Washington and Warren; both with good cell tower regs – over a tower site within 1200’ of a Montessori School, near Steep Rock’s nature preserves with comprehensive geology/wildlife databases that include endangered, threatened and special concern flora and fauna, on established federal/state migratory bird flyways, within throwing distance to a historic site capable of being listed on the Underground Railroad, and with an access road on a blind curve entering a state highway that will permanently damage wetlands, vernal pools, and core forests. There are well credentialed environmental experts, including Dr. Michael Klemens, former chair of Salisbury’s P&Z, as well as the former director of migratory bird management at the US Fish and Wildlife Service, and an RF engineer testifying to alternative approaches, plus three attorneys representing intervenors. It is the most professional challenge I have seen at CSC since Falls Village successfully mounted one that protected Robbins Swamps several years ago.
The hearing is ongoing, with uncertain results. To see what it takes today to stop an inappropriate tower siting, see Docket #543 under “Pending Matters” at https://portal.ct.gov/csc before removing local cell tower regs – the lowest hanging fruit that any town can possess in case it’s needed.
B, Blake Levitt is the Communications Director at The Berkshire-Litchfield Environmental Council. She writes about how technology affects biology.