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Love and romance: Part II
May 01, 2024
Bob Dylan wrote “The Times They are a Changin’” and that was certainly true in the dating world. I knew people who found a partner online, mostly 30 something’s, and decided to give it a try.
I researched dating sites the way I used to research stocks, with the same confidence that I’d make an “ informed” decision. I started with JDate and Our Time, but they were each too limiting — my religion is hugely important to me, but it only mattered that the man I chose respected it, and the “senior” dating sites were depressing — I didn’t want age to be our common denominator.
I then did a “trial run” on Match.com and that seemed ideal for me though it was not totally reliable, not always credible, certainly not algorithmically accurate, but replete with SO many good selections.
It’s challenging to create a profile, and I was wary of revealing too much but wanted to be clear about my negotiables (religion, career, education, widowed/ divorced, children) and non- negotiables (politics, sense of humor, motivation, compassion). I made sure my photos were recent and relevant and highlighted my career, travel, sense of humor, independence, focus on social justice, and total DIS-interest in sports. I provided my first name but was vague about other details (employer, alma mater) which would make me easy to Google.
Fortunately I was a salesman for 40 years and could handle rejection, because it came fast and furious. I initially contacted many men but so few got back to me; I reassured myself that it wasn’t “personal” — they didn’t even know me. It made me wary of continuing, (although I was in the City and had four dates the first week which felt like a good start, including two dates with one man). I recognized the challenges with online dating, encountering more problems than solutions: one man asked to see me again and ,when I readily agreed, told me he had a girlfriend but she worked evenings; another had NO internet presence and implied it was because he worked for a high level secret government agency. I realized quickly that I had to learn to manage expectations, and, as the saying goes, trust but verify.
A week later Covid started, I moved to the country, and everything changed — I could chat but not meet anyone. I learned to avoid crazies, phonies, predators, men who were unsuitable, and just took my time. I learned to ask last names so I could Google them, and insisted on FaceTime to confirm who they were. I expected to return to the City after Covid, and “met” a man who seemed perfect — highly educated, funny, sensitive, and we FaceTimed daily for months until we finally met in person. All the indications were perfect — we even predicted Match would use our narrative in ther ads — but he was really tied to the City and had zero interest in the country — confirmed when he spent a weekend and couldn’t wait to get on the train home.
After a few more dates (in the city!) I ended it.
I was clearly better off dating locally (and maybe Boston and DC), and that first summer primarily dated a retired engineer who had taken up watercolor painting — we had wonderful dates visiting every outdoor sculpture park we could find, but having lived with a fabulously talented artist, I frankly couldn’t “relate” to this man’s work, let alone live with it.
I spent a year dating men from Match and never had a really bad date, but during online chats came across one fellow whose ex-wife had a restraining order against him; another who described himself as a petroleum engineer and gemologist, and I discovered he was wanted for swindling a woman he met online out of $75,000; one who turned blatantly anti-Semitic when I suggested we weren’t a great match; one was described himself as “gender fluid” and told me if we were to meet he couldn’t guarantee he’d come dressed as a man; and one who sent me home from our FIRST date with a draft of his autobiography. That said , I also met several lovely men who were just not what I was looking for.
Please reach out to Gwen with your thoughts or questions at GwenG@millertonnews.com
Gwen lives in Pine Plains with her partner Dennis, her puppy Charlie, and two Angus cows (who are also retired!).
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The appliance scam
May 01, 2024
If you haven’t noticed, the price of large appliances continues to climb. What’s worse, in a year or two, many find that the costly smart refrigerator, oven, or washing machine in your kitchen is suddenly plagued with all kinds of problems. What happened to the concept of quality?
In the last two years, my wife and I have had to purchase a new refrigerator and washer. The guy who delivered them warned me that it was just a matter of time before the dryer went as well. None of these items were more than ten years old. I credit Rachel Wolfe of The Wall Street Journal for explaining why.
There seem to be three factors behind the shorter life span of these household goods. Computerization, an increase in the number of individual components that go into each appliance, and the quality of materials overall. Let’s take the refrigerator, as an example.
Back in the day, I can remember my mom having to shut down the fridge every six months or so and scrape off the ice that had built up in the freezer. Those days are gone. Manual defrost gave way to frost-free refrigerators that came with a bunch of new parts like heaters, fans, and sensors to automate the defrosting process.
The dawning of the 2000s saw a breakthrough in both energy efficiency and precise temperature control by replacing thermostats with digital computer control. All that was required was to add another batch of components and parts, mostly electronic, such as relays, capacitors, and solder joints to the old ice box.
Another factor impacting all appliances, not just refrigerators, was the industry-wide transition to lead-free solder in 2006. Environmentally, the benefits are obvious, since it eliminates toxic lead, however, the new solder requires stricter control over manufacturing processes and better design practices to ensure long-term reliability. This has resulted in an entirely new series of challenges to your neighborhood repair person to figure out what parts need to be repaired while others may need to be replaced.
In the meantime, George Jetson would be proud of the advancements. Appliance manufacturers keep coming up with wonder after wonder. Icemakers, touchscreens, and chilled water dispensers are built into refrigerator doors. I fully expect my fridge to be able to sing Zippity Do Dah in its next reincarnation.
The same trend is occurring in other appliances. New smart ovens offer induction, convection, air fry, steam, dual-fuel, and touch control. Washers and dryers promise smart technology integration with features such as in-washer faucets, dirt level and fabric type sensors, steam closets, removable agitators, cold water wash technology, and even add-on filters for microplastic capture.
While all these features enhance functionality, the number of valves, pumps, electrical connections, electronics, and such make something created to keep things cold now takes a rocket scientist to figure out, let alone repair. I confess that I still can’t figure out how to switch the icemaker from simply dispensing water to giving me a cup full of ice. What’s worse is that a blip in the icemaker can cause a system-wide failure and put your fridge down for the count. It has happened to me.
I am not alone. My appliance repair guy said his industry is seeing a ton more items in need of repair. The Wall Street Journal article confirmed that and found that Yelp helped users request 58% more quotes from thousands of appliance repair businesses. American households spent 43% more on home appliances last year than ten years ago, even though prices have declined during that same period. One of the main reasons for this discrepancy is there has been a higher rate of replacements. Twenty-five years ago, the average homeowner replaced appliances every 12-13 years. Today it is every eight to nine years.
As most readers know, getting someone to repair your appliance is an expensive and time-consuming process. House calls are roughly $250 per visit before any work is done. You can easily spend almost as much repairing an appliance as buying a new one.
In summary, the appliance market today “ain’t what it used to be.” One of my neighbors just ordered a dishwasher from Home Depot. They only drop it off. Now she needs to find a plumber to uninstall and cart away the old one and install the new one. There’s not much anyone can do about it but if you still have that old freezer or fridge in the basement, I would keep it.
Bill Schmick is a founding partner of Onota Partners Inc. in the Berkshires. None of his commentary is or should be considered investment advice. Email him at bill@-schmicksretiredinvestor.com.
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Letters to the Editor - 5-2-24
May 01, 2024
Ground Ball
A hard, deft swing of the bat brings delight
while leaping catch at the wall conjures surprise!
Swinging for the stands may be a strikeout,
but a well-placed bunt may win the series.
The ref may be doing his agonized best,
yet fail to meet your high expectations.
The pitcher may walk a slugger-batter,
as a double-play may save the inning…
Fans in the stands may be too excited
when the popcorn vendor juggles a spill.
The bald coach in the dugout has the stats
on a legendary relief pitcher…
Reporters play bloated hyperbole,
but the infield knows the real, lean story.
Kevin T. McEneaney
Verbank, New York
Sharon Hospital excels again
This time I was testing cardiology! Sunday morning at Church I developed symptoms of what family and EMTs present thought might be a mild heart attack and a visit to the hospital was in order.
The emergency room staff were at their best and detected a minor change in my status which then precipitated an overnight stay at the hospital for further testing. I was overwhelmed by the professional attention in the emergency room and then further impressed with testing from the cardiology department the next day.
To watch this 93-year-old heart working away during the electrocardiogram was like watching something from outer space with color. The Technician loves his job and was so proud of the high-tech equipment provided by the hospital and exceedingly patient with all my questions.
The Stress test was equally high tech catching my heart before, after, and during. The idea of a stress test can be daunting but the technicians involved were most considerate and encouraging.
Fortunately, the result of all this is that I am good to go but I want to sincerely thank the good nurses who are the backbone of the hospital and the sophisticated skill of technicians and doctors. We are so fortunate to have a hospital nearby where you have the comfort of familiar faces, kind words, and excellent care.
Elyse Harney
Salisbury
Pope Property density too high
Housing is a clear need in Salisbury. Articles in The Lakeville Journal about town employees’ inability to afford living in Salisbury, the state’s recommendation that 10% of CT towns’ housing should be affordable, the recent go-ahead from the Planning and Zoning Commission for the Dresser Woods project and other locations, and the planning for the Pope property all indicate a pressing issue.
Planning for the Pope Property is on-going, but it needs critical consideration.
The current Pope building area is 9+ acres, including historic district land along the Rail Path.
Assuming the Historic District Commission allows full use of that acreage, one wonders what “historic district” means if bucolic land is used for 64 housing units (approximately 110 people). That amounts to a huge intrusion into an historically protected area in Salisbury center.
The number 64 is worth further consideration. It represents the maximum number of units possible on the available land. But why must we build to the maximum? Apparently, the state favors funding larger projects over smaller ones. If Salisbury opted to spread out a portion of the development, the town might have to pay some of the cost — a trade-off citizens should be given the opportunity to vote on.
There are other (smaller) locations that could decrease the Pope density. The meadow where Cobble Road intersects with RT. 41 is ideal for about 20 units, especially because it can tap into water and sewer across the street in Sarum Village. It is, however, owned by the Appalachian Trail (i.e. the U.S. Government ). If they haven’t already done so, town officials should approach the government to sell the land for affordable housing. Another plot is situated above the town hall off Factory Street; it, too, has water and sewer available. There is yet another plot off Rt. 44 beyond Lion’s Head. The point is, if our aim is 64 units, we don’t have to build them all on the Pope property.
Two months ago, in a letter to the Lakeville Journal (Feb. 22, 2024), a representative of the Pope Land Design Committee stated, “Our charge was to determine if up to 64 [housing units]...could be accommodated. They can be. Whether they should be (my italics) is up to the elected and appointed town Commissions and ultimately the citizens of Salisbury.” Residents should think carefully before supporting 64 units all in one place. Fewer will be more — for thepeople who live there, for the land that will be disrupted, and for the character of the town itself.
George and Lorraine Faison
Salisbury
Grumbling Gryphons thanks for April celebrations
Letter of Thanks from Leslie Elias to the Connecticut Office on the Arts and Local Partners with Grumbling Gryphons for Earth Day Arts and Poetry Celebrations!
A resounding cry of music and laughter filled the air as children , teens and seniors danced with The Golden Lady Puppet in Cornwall, Canaan, Salisbury on town greens, in libraries and senior centers, throughout the month of April , in celebration of Earth Day and Poetry Month. A special thanks and shout out to the genius and artistry of Ellen Moon, who created this magnificent puppet and the imaginative masks and costumes she created especially for Grumbling Gryphons poetry and earth day performances.
Thank you to the Connecticut Office on The Arts, The National Endowment of The Arts for a special FY 24 Artist Grant I received to bring forth multiple celebrations in honor of Earth Day and Poetry month: “To further Youth Empowerment & Foster Community Engagement and Environmental Stewardship through the Arts in our region.”
Thank you to Noble Horizons, Geer Village, Scoville Memorial Library and Cornwall Library for hosting and contributing to the poetry and earth day performances and events held throughout the month!
Thank you to child and teen actors Stephany Quezada, Willa Lesch, Peter Parizhsky, Ruby Goldberg, Journey Johnson, Kylik and Avion Alleyne, Philippa Cavalier and my fellow troupe members Katherine Almquist, Daniel Saed and Natalie Resto who participated in multiple performances!
Thank you to artists Katherine Freygang and Natalie Resto for making Endangered Species puppets with children in Cornwall for the jubilant parade on the Cornwall Town Green on Saturday April 27. Thank you to Shamu Sadeh and all members of The Berkshire Resilience Brass 8-piece band which played an array of fabulous tunes for our pageant and parade!
Thank you to violinist Jane Prentice who fiddled ominously as our 12-person giant oil spill costume ominously approached the innocent animals and were ultimately repelled by the bluebird of happiness with a crew of zebras, lions, whales, fish, goats, ducks and a myriad more, calling for the end of fossil fuels and the need for conservation and environmental protection!
An enormous thanks to musician and composer Joseph Sobol for his own original musical settings of some of the world’s best-loved poems which brought healing harmonies to our new poetic production — Hold Fast To Dreams — Bringing Poetry to Life!
Thank you to artist Jude Streng for her fierce and provocative FACTORY Puppet which held court in our 2024 Earth Day Pageant.
A huge thanks to award winning filmmaker Ben Willis for his vision and phenomenal cinematography and editing of our intergenerational film, Count Ampula and The Carbon Curse , dedicated to the need for clean energy and reducing our carbon footprint. Thanks to The Cornwall Library and Margate Haske for hosting this film’s premiere screening to a packed audience on Saturday evening.
A special thanks to my son Daniel Saed whose commitment to community engagement through the art of participatory theater continues to inspire me as both a mother and an artist.
I wish everyone a beautiful spring full of health, growth, love and enjoyment of our beautiful earth.
Leslie Elias
Artistic Director
Grumbling Gryphons
West Cornwall
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Peter Charles Luminati
May 01, 2024
NORTH CANAAN — Peter Charles Luminati, 96, of 43 Pease Street, died April 29, 2024, at the Sharon Hospital, Sharon. He was the husband of Louise (Desmarais) Luminati. Peter and Louise were married for over 65 years. Peter was born Sept. 28, 1927, in Winsted, son of the late Louis and Celesta (Guiliani) Luminati.
Peter was employed by O&G Construction in Torrington as a truck driver. He retired in 1990 after working at the company for 31 years. Peter held the distinction of being the oldest living retiree from O&G. Peter was a communicant of St. Joseph’s Church, St. Martin of Tours Parish in North Canaan. He was a member of the Teamsters Union.
Some activities that Peter enjoyed were pitching horseshoes, fishing, watching the Little League baseball games across the street from his home, NASCAR racing, playing cards and going to the casino. But his happiest times were celebrating gatherings with friends and family.
Peter served with the U.S. Army during the Korean Conflict. He earned the rank of PFC.
In addition to his wife, Peter is survived by his five children: Robin Foley of Canaan, Laurie Twing of Canaan, Lisa Luminati (Jim Cook) of Canaan, Peter “Chuck” (Sheila) Luminati of Sharon, and Robert “Bob” (Darlene) Luminati, also of Sharon.
He was predeceased by his siblings: John, Henry, Emma, Alice and Julia as well as his two son-in-laws: John Foley and Frank “Bub” Twing.
Peter is also survived by his grandchildren: Michael Foley, Ryan Foley (Whitney Tyler), Cody Luminati, Luke Twing, Shelby Luminati, Aliza Luminati and Malayna Luminati; his great-grandchildren: Mackenzie and Maci Foley and Avery Hutton as well as his sister-in-law Clara Petit and several nieces and nephews.
A Mass of Christian Burial will be held on Friday, May 3, 2024, at 11:00 a.m. in St. Martin of Tours Parish, St. Joseph’s Church, 4 Main Street, North Canaan, CT 06018. Burial, with full military honors, will be held immediately following the Mass in St. Joseph’s Cemetery, Canaan, CT.
Calling hours will be held Thursday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. in the Newkirk-Palmer Funeral Home, 118 Main Street, North Canaan, CT 06018. Memorial donations may be sent to the North Canaan Volunteer Fire Company, P.O. Box 642, Canaan, CT 06018.
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