Moving up in the royalty world

The bravery shown by Prince Harry and Meghan Markle as they speak out about the heavy burden imposed on them by the British royal family has given me the courage to do something I’ve been secretly contemplating for a long time. I’ve decide to give up my commoner status and become a royal.

Lest you think I’m another one of those guys who decides to make a career change and expects his wife to go along without any thought to her situation I can assure you that is not the case. We have had extensive discussions and she has graciously agreed to become a Princess. In the event that position is not immediately available, she will accept the title of Royal Duchess subject to a six-month performance review leading to Princess. 

We both agree that under no circumstances will she accept anything along the lines of near-royalty or, god forbid, lady-in-waiting. Even a cursory familiarity with Masterpiece Theater tells you that lesser royals always get the short end of the stick, or worse.

As much as I am inspired by Harry, my circumstances are very much different. Although I have had some experience ribbon cutting at Christmas and throughout the year with pastry boxes it is obviously nowhere near the level required of royals. I am pretty handy with a pair of scissors or shears, as the British might say, so I’m confident that I could get up the learning curve pretty quickly.

I have no military background, which makes the uniform thing a problem. I was a Cub Scout. And I must admit that I was proud to wear the blue and gold. I liked being a Cub Scout and had no desire to move on to the drab tan and green of the Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand that Scouting is like being on the partnership track at a law firm. Up or out. The den mother had to tell me that I could no longer be a Cub Scout. Apparently, I had aged-out and was headed for the distinction of “world’s oldest Cub Scout.”

Of course, declaring myself a royal is just the first step. I would need to join a royal family. Since I speak the language and with the opening left by Prince Harry, the British royal family would seem to be a natural fit. Although some have questioned how my version of English would translate “across the pond.” 

Depending on how you count them, more than 25 monarchies exist around the world so I’m not solely dependent on the whims of the House of Windsor. That said, I am not interested in joining absolute monarchies or countries with excessively hot weather. That pretty much limits me to Western Europe. Unlike Prince Harry, I’m looking for more of a ceremonial role. Someplace manageable like Lichtenstein or Luxembourg. Monaco is always a possibility and the Scandinavian countries seem very accepting of outsiders. So I have choices.

I’ve reached out to Harry and Meghan for their perspective, so far to no avail. Still clinging to vestiges of royal privilege, they have routed all my inquiries to an intermediary. Some person named Oprah. Oh well, keep calm and carry on.

 

M.A. Duca is a resident of Twin Lakes, narrowly focused on everyday life.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Lakeville Journal and The Journal does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

Frederick Wright Hosterman

KENT — Frederick Wright Hosterman passed away peacefully in his home in Kent on April 16, 2025. Born in 1929 in Auburn, Nebraska, he was the son of farmers. He attended a one-room schoolhouse just outside of Brownville, Nebraska, adjacent to his family’s farm. The little brick schoolhouse is still standing! After graduating from high school, Fred attended the University of Nebraska (Lincoln), eventually earning a master’s degree in agronomy. He took a job with Monsanto in Buffalo, New York, where the company was a pioneer in applying biotechnology to agricultural sciences. In Buffalo, Fred met his future wife, Dorothy. Fred and Dorothy moved to New York City for several years in the early 1960s, before settling down in Norwalk. In Norwalk, Fred and Dorothy had three children. The family later moved to Kent. In 1980, Fred and Dorothy divorced, and Fred bought a large tract of land on Carter Road in Kent. He built a house there, largely by himself, which he maintained until his death at age 95. After taking early retirement, he spent the following decades working on his property, adding various buildings, woodcrafting, landscaping, and spending time with his children and grandchildren.

Keep ReadingShow less
Nancy (Case) Brenner

CANAAN — Nancy (Case) Brenner, 81, of Canaan, passed away peacefully in her sleep at Charlotte Hungerford Hospital in Torrington, following a long illness on Good Friday, April 18, 2025.

Nancy was born on April 10, 1944, to the late Ray Sargeant Case Sr. and Beatrice Southey Case. She was the second youngest of five children, predeceased by her three brothers, Ray S. Case Jr., David E. Case and Douglas C. Case, and her sister Linda (Case) Olson. She grew up in New Hartford and Winsted, where she graduated from Northwestern Regional 7 High School.

Keep ReadingShow less
Adam Rand

SHEFFIELD — Adam Rand, 59, of Sheffield, Massachusetts, passed away peacefully in his home on April 22, 2025, after a long battle with ALS.

Adam was born on April 6, 1966, to Lee and Charles Rand II of Boston, Massachusetts. Adam spent his early childhood in Nantucket, where his love of fishing and water was born before moving to Sharon. It was here where he made many lifelong friends and later graduated from Housatonic Valley Regional High School in 1984. He attended Hiram College in Ohio before settling in Connecticut.

Keep ReadingShow less