Moving up in the royalty world

The bravery shown by Prince Harry and Meghan Markle as they speak out about the heavy burden imposed on them by the British royal family has given me the courage to do something I’ve been secretly contemplating for a long time. I’ve decide to give up my commoner status and become a royal.

Lest you think I’m another one of those guys who decides to make a career change and expects his wife to go along without any thought to her situation I can assure you that is not the case. We have had extensive discussions and she has graciously agreed to become a Princess. In the event that position is not immediately available, she will accept the title of Royal Duchess subject to a six-month performance review leading to Princess. 

We both agree that under no circumstances will she accept anything along the lines of near-royalty or, god forbid, lady-in-waiting. Even a cursory familiarity with Masterpiece Theater tells you that lesser royals always get the short end of the stick, or worse.

As much as I am inspired by Harry, my circumstances are very much different. Although I have had some experience ribbon cutting at Christmas and throughout the year with pastry boxes it is obviously nowhere near the level required of royals. I am pretty handy with a pair of scissors or shears, as the British might say, so I’m confident that I could get up the learning curve pretty quickly.

I have no military background, which makes the uniform thing a problem. I was a Cub Scout. And I must admit that I was proud to wear the blue and gold. I liked being a Cub Scout and had no desire to move on to the drab tan and green of the Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand that Scouting is like being on the partnership track at a law firm. Up or out. The den mother had to tell me that I could no longer be a Cub Scout. Apparently, I had aged-out and was headed for the distinction of “world’s oldest Cub Scout.”

Of course, declaring myself a royal is just the first step. I would need to join a royal family. Since I speak the language and with the opening left by Prince Harry, the British royal family would seem to be a natural fit. Although some have questioned how my version of English would translate “across the pond.” 

Depending on how you count them, more than 25 monarchies exist around the world so I’m not solely dependent on the whims of the House of Windsor. That said, I am not interested in joining absolute monarchies or countries with excessively hot weather. That pretty much limits me to Western Europe. Unlike Prince Harry, I’m looking for more of a ceremonial role. Someplace manageable like Lichtenstein or Luxembourg. Monaco is always a possibility and the Scandinavian countries seem very accepting of outsiders. So I have choices.

I’ve reached out to Harry and Meghan for their perspective, so far to no avail. Still clinging to vestiges of royal privilege, they have routed all my inquiries to an intermediary. Some person named Oprah. Oh well, keep calm and carry on.

 

M.A. Duca is a resident of Twin Lakes, narrowly focused on everyday life.

Latest News

IMS wins basketball jamboree

FALLS VILLAGE — Indian Mountain School took home first place in the third annual Housatonic JV Boys Basketball Jamboree Feb. 1.

Hosted at Housatonic Valley Regional High School, the interconference tournament featured the junior varsity squads from HVRHS and Mt. Everett Regional School in Sheffield, Massachusetts plus the varsity team from IMS, which goes up to grade nine.

Keep ReadingShow less
Robert G. Grandell

CANAAN — Robert G. Grandell, 81, of Canaan, passed away peacefully on Jan. 29, 2025.

Robert was born in Waterbury, on Aug. 29, 1943, the son of Isabella (Brickett) and Art Perkins. He married Janet (Van Deusen) on June 27, 1964.

Keep ReadingShow less
Welcome Subscription Offer!

Special Subscription Offer

Thank you for inquiring about the Welcome Offer, which expired on January 30. Please be on the lookout for new subscriber offers in the future. If you would like to subscribe now, please click the button below or call (860) 435-9873.

Thank you!

Keep ReadingShow less
Frozen fun in Lakeville

Hot-tub style approach with a sledge-hammer assist at the lake.

Alec Linden

While the chill of recent weeks has driven many Northwest Corner residents inside and their energy bills up, others have taken advantage of the extended cold by practicing some of our region’s most treasured — and increasingly rare — pastimes: ice sports.

I am one of those who goes out rather than in when the mercury drops: a one-time Peewee and Bantam league hockey player turned pond hockey enthusiast turned general ice lover. In the winter, my 12 year-old hockey skates never leave my trunk, on the chance I’ll pass some gleaming stretch of black ice on a roadside pond.

Keep ReadingShow less