Not Much Story, Plenty of Effects And, Oh Yes, There's Natasha

I was handicapped going into “Iron Man 2,� having successfully avoided the first installment. So it took a couple of minutes to get the idea: Inventor/entrepreneur/enfant terrible Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) and his iron man suit are a hot property among the world’s evildoers, especially a Russian guy named Ivan Vanko (played by Mickey
Rourke and made up to look like Genghis Khan) who believes Stark’s old man screwed his family back in the Cold War day.

   So Vanko rigs up his revenge, which is good enough to disrupt the Grand Prix in Monaco and send the United States Senate into more than its usual tizzy.

   And then Stark’s arch-rival in industry, Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) gets hold of ol’ Vanko and commissions a big army of super-drone soldiers and stuff to disrupt the big year-long trade fair in Queens Stark is promoting.

   And all hell breaks loose.

   We also get Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson (the latter in a
leather suit that is quite, er, fetching).    

   Also we get Samuel L. Jackson, for no reason.

   This film should come with a Ritalin prescription, as it is clearly
designed for the Attention Deficit Disorder crowd. Something blows up, on average, every three minutes. And if things aren’t exploding then there are bright lights and computer bells and whistles.

   There’s not much point in trying to follow the story — Tony Stark is good, Paltrow as Pepper Pott is good, Johansson as Natasha Romanoff turns out to be good, as does Lt. Col. Rhodes (Don Cheadle).

Vanko and Hammer are the bad guys.

   Got it?

   While conceding this is a comic book movie, and a certain amount of
computerized whiz-bang is to be expected and even welcomed, two solid hours of crash and banging is beyond tedious. What saves the picture is some actual witty writing, by adults. A Senate hearing, presided over by Garry Shandling doing a Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) impersonation, is laugh-out-loud funny.

And Downey’s interactions with Paltrow and Johansson are sharp and clever. Unhappily, these moments account for maybe ten minutes of aggregate screen time.

   Note to Hollywood: Please scrap the video game kung fu effects. We have seen them. They are now a shopworn cliche. Stop it. I’m begging you.

   So: it’s about Robert Downey, doing his usual skittery-jittery smarty-pants routine and doing it well. Scarlett Johansson in a tight outfit that brings to mind something Diana Rigg once sported way back when in “The Avengers.â€� (Any young male who sees “Iron Man 2â€� will have this image permamently embedded in his brain as the epitome of female
pulchritude, probably to his detriment, as you don’t see too many snazzy gals in tight leather outfits at the Stop and Shop.)It’s Gwyneth Paltrow, alternately flaky and steely, doing a fine job with the snappy repartee.

   And it’s Mickey Rourke looking like Genghis Khan hanging around cyber cafes.

   It’s a bewildering plot that is best ignored and endless jiggery-pokery effects that cannot be ignored, because they represent 90 percent of the film.

   Fine for teenagers, but skip it if you get headaches easily.

“Iron Man 2� is rated PG-13 for intense action, violence and language. It is playing at The Moviehouse in Millerton, NY, and elsewhere.