The holidays are a source of joy for some, and challenge for others.
For many of us, the holidays are simultaneously filled with the promise of making new memories, and rife with recollections of the past. The emotional and physical energies often expended during this season can leave us exhausted. Top stressors reported by people are: financial, travel, hosting, overloaded or empty schedules, grief and loss, and strained relationships.
Challenges
Feelings: In managing holiday stress, the first thing that mental health providers recommend is to acknowledge feelings. Any and all of our feelings are acceptable, both positive and negative.
Allow the negative feelings to pass when ready, and notice the positive ones with appreciation.
Grief and loss: A sense of loss can stem from many reasons. For some it might be the first holiday after the death of a loved one. For others, divorce can cause transition stress in addition to new and positive experiences and relationships. Perhaps some are struggling with health challenges.
Others are finding it hard to celebrate when larger world conflict and loss is happening.
Financial stress: With many people facing economic challenges, the pressure to buy gifts or produce elaborate meals can seem daunting. Media advertising and marketing content is not always helpful. Town food banks and agencies can be helpful with assistance. In some areas like the Northwest Corner, towns have social workers to help connect people with services. For people of all socioeconomic, groups it might be important to reframe the holidays as a time to connect with others versus overspending.
Relationships: Strained relationships can be a source of pain during the holiday season.
Although it might be tempting for some to air grievances or resolve conflict, it is likely better to put these types of agendas aside during this time. Focusing on positive qualities in one’s self and others has better outcomes and produces a sense of grace/acceptance.
Overload and isolation: For some, it might be tempting to overfill their holiday calenders with events and travel, which can often lead to burnout. For others, the impulse might be the opposite, and can create loneliness. The ideal is to strive toward balance.
Setting limits with “no” to an invite might be equally balancing as accepting an offer that could be nourishing. Self care means knowing when to look outward for connection and when to spend more quiet time with one’s self or an intimate few.
When this season becomes too busy, arranging for down or quiet time can help us to recharge. Stress-free, screen-free time can allow us to drop into our “rest and digest” parasympathetic nervous system, rejuvenating the body and brain.
Techniques
In coping with holiday stress, there are a variety techniques that have proven to be helpful. It can be challenging to regulate one’s emotions and behaviors during this time.
Mindfulness and meditation: Even brief mindfulness meditations with breathing can be helpful. The following link to a meditation on Insight Timer is an example of the many apps and forms of online support available, some of them free: insighttimer.com/terrijenkins/guided-meditations/holiday-de-stress-with-mindfulness-of-now.
Yoga might also be helpful, whether it be online or in person locally at a practice such as Be Well Community Yoga in North Canaan.
Lowered expectations: Lowering expectations of those around us, and of the holiday experience itself, is beneficial. None of us are going to be on our best behavior at all times. A forgiving sense of humor, different from sarcasm or barbed commentary, about one’s self and others can be fun and emotionally freeing.
Humor, as they say, “is often the best medicine.” When in doubt, “put on” comedy, whether it be through humorous personal recollections/observations or entertainment media.
Faith: Whether it be religious or spiritual, faith can provide a spiritual rudder when we are challenged and help us to navigate better choices once we are not “operating” from a place of fear.
Empathy and giving back: Often, we find meaning and healing in service to others. Helping a friend or neighbor, making a financial donation, or volunteering for a community agency are all powerful ways to make a positive impact. As we all know, the holidays can spark feelings of generosity.
Boundaries: In the rush to celebrate the season, we can all get overwhelmed by an innundation of invitations to create, donate and celebrate. Evaluating when to say yes and when to say no can be part of healthy self preservation.
Being mindful of our own and other people’s particular vulnerabilities, whether they be physical or emotional, is especially important during the holidays.
Perhaps seating, timing, location and other concerns need to be thought out the best we can in order to accommodate different personalities and generations. Thoughtful and active listening can be more rewarding than any heated debate or conflict that may come up.
In some settings there is an agreement to stay away from divisive topics during gatherings. Others may not want to take this more structured approach. In these cases, taking space for a time when needed and then rejoining activities might be helpful.
Self care: Self care can mean many things: sleep, exercise, fresh air and vitamin D.
Abstaining from or limiting alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and excess sugar intake can reduce stress and protect the immune system. Overall, balancing care of one’s self and others seems to be a key element in creating a positive holiday experience.
Isabelle Clark Foster and Margo Davis are licensed independent clinical social workers. Davis publishes at goingforwhole.substack.com and offers a free meditation group every Friday at 4:30 p.m. at the Bushnell-Sage Library in Sheffield, Massachusetts.
