Good Acting, But a Cheesy Tale And Much Too Long

Question: Can anyone in Hollywood make a movie that is under two hours long? 

Anybody? Huh?

Yeah. I thought so.

David Dobkin’s “The Judge” is a courtroom drama grafted onto a family melodrama. Henry “Hank” Palmer (Robert Downey Jr.) is a successful Chicago attorney and your basic Type A jerk, with redeeming features such as a quick wit and love for his daughter.

On a trip back to small-town Indiana when his mother dies, he is quickly reminded why he left in the first place. His domineering old father, Judge Joseph Palmer (Robert Duvall), is just as insufferable as ever.

But Hank can’t make his escape, because the old man goes out on a rainy night to get eggs. On this trip,  apparently, the judge takes the opportunity to run over a local ne’er-do-well, just returned after a lengthy prison sentence (courtesy of the judge).

The local attorney can’t make a move without getting sick to his stomach, so Hank has to take over the defense.

Along the way we find out about Hank’s previous life and loves, and all about the messed-up Palmer family.

There’s nothing inherently scaly about this set-up, but…

The problem with this flick is the tortuously slow pace, and the absolutely hideous soap opera plotting.

Here’s a sample: After his mother’s funeral, Hank winds up making out with the attractive young bartender — who turns out to be the daughter of the old flame! 

But wait! The attractive young bartender could possibly be his daughter!

But if you order in the next 10 minutes . . . I mean, hold the phone, turns out the father of the AYB is actually Glen, Hank’s older brother! 

And that means Hank made out with his niece, which is a marginal improvement over making out with his daughter.

And the way I just described this is far more amusing — and succinct — than the way it plays out in the movie.

The film is also a cliché festival. The reunited lovers share a tender moment, interrupted by the phone ringing to tell Hank the jury is back.

It just goes on from there.

And let’s not forget the music video sequences —  heartfelt emo band moping away as actors look pensive. That’s a good way to pad out the running time, and maybe even sell a download or two.

On the plus side, Robert Duvall is very convincing as the crotchety old man; Vincent D’Onofrio ( a highly underrated actor in my opinion) turns in a powerful performance as Glen, the disappointed brother.

And Robert Downey Jr. is now at the point in his career where he plays Robert Downey Jr.,  something achieved by no American actor since Cary Grant.

There is a very powerful scene involving Downey and Duvall — where the former’s character, fed up to the eyebrows with his father, must assist him when he collapses in the bathroom.

But no way is this piece of cheese worth two hours and 21 minutes of anybody’s life.

“The Judge” is rated R for language and sexual references. It is playing widely.

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