Making difficult decisions about our safety

I was taking a walk amidst falling golden leaves with a friend I’ll call Lisa. Since we were outside and there was a nice breeze, we weren’t wearing masks. But we were trying to keep 6 feet between us, which meant each time we neared each other as we talked, one of us cautiously moved away. I’d brought a mask, thinking Lisa might want us to wear them, but she’d brushed the idea aside. Still, she had hung a mask around her neck to put on if we encountered someone on the road. So I folded mine and put it in the pocket of my down vest.

Lisa was distressed about an old friend from Long Island, a coronavirus hot spot, who had asked to visit. Her immune system is compromised, which her friend knows, so she was surprised when the man arrived without a mask. Although they were sitting on the porch, she asked him nicely to put one on, even offering him a disposable mask she had handy. But he was obviously angry as he rejected her offer. “You can cower in fear during the pandemic,” he snapped at her. “But I’m going to live my life.” He went without a mask throughout the visit, with the result that she had decided not to see him again during the coronavirus pandemic. 

She stopped, turning to me, and asked: “Why, when everyone is making their own rules about what feels safe, does it make people angry when someone is being more careful than they are?” 

“We also get angry when someone is less careful than we are,” I said.  “You and I believe that science is on our side, and you probably hid your anger, but you were clearly annoyed that he didn’t take the virus seriously.” 

I thought the man was absolutely wrong not to wear a mask, especially since she’d specifically asked. But I suspected that his anger was defensive. I’ve experienced irritation when someone shows much more fear of the virus than I do, probably because their caution makes me wonder whether I’m being reckless with my health, or the health of my husband, who was seriously ill earlier this year. Since I’m not someone who succumbs readily to fear, almost out of my awareness, my fear can easily turn into irritation, even anger. Probably not very different than Lisa’s friend.

The CDC and Dr. Fauci have made two rules clear for staying safe during the pandemic: wearing a mask and social distancing. Still, Lisa was right: a lot of situations remain unclear. We have to make our own difficult decisions, and no two people decide in exactly the same way.

Since my immune system seems resilient, I enjoy regular trips to the grocery store, post office and bank. Despite recent increases in the coronavirus, including in the Northwest Corner, I attended a small indoor party a few weeks ago, where the hostess had a HEPA filter going, the women stayed at least 6 feet from each other, and, except to put delicious bites of cake into our mouths, we all wore masks. Missing shopping, I’ve even wandered into a shoe shop and a clothing store — activities that would horrify some of my friends. 

Still, Thanksgiving, which is likely to be too cold to eat outside, presented a problem for me. As I worried about six people sitting together over a long indoor meal, my Egyptian friend with whom I have shared many Thanksgivings repeated a Swedish adage: there is no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes. And so, with some amusement, we decided to eat a hot turkey soup on my terrace; to come inside for a well-spaced conversation with our masks on; and to go back outside for pecan and pumpkin pie. I doubt whether our solution will have mass appeal, but I offer it with the hope that, as the day draws near, each of us can combine what we have read and heard, along with how hardy we feel, to make decisions that will feel comfortable, even if they are unique and idiosyncratic.

And yet—and yet, shouldn’t choices that can result in life or death also give us moments of aloneness and uncertainty?  

 

Carol Ascher, who lives in Sharon, has published seven books of fiction and nonfiction, as well as many essays and stories.  She is trained as a spiritual director.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Lakeville Journal and The Journal does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

Robin Wall Kimmerer urges gratitude, reciprocity in talk at Cary Institute

Robin Wall Kimmerer inspired the audience with her grassroots initiative “Plant, Baby, Plant,” encouraging restoration, native planting and care for ecosystems.

Aly Morrissey

Robin Wall Kimmerer, the bestselling author of “Braiding Sweetgrass” and a member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, urged a sold-out audience at the Cary Institute of Ecosystem Studies on Friday, March 13, to rethink humanity’s relationship with the natural world through gratitude, reciprocity and responsibility.

Introduced by Cary Institute President Joshua Ginsberg, Kimmerer opened the evening by greeting the audience in Potawatomi, the native language of her ancestors, and grounding the talk in a practice of gratitude.

Keep ReadingShow less

Melissa Gamwell’s handmade touch

Melissa Gamwell’s handmade touch
Melissa Gamwell, hand lettering with precision and care.
Kevin Greenberg
"There is no better feeling than working through something with your own brain and your own hands." —Melissa Gamwell

In an age of automation, Melissa Gamwell is keeping the human hand alive.

The Cornwall, Connecticut-based calligrapher is practicing an art form that’s been under attack by machines for nearly 400 years, and people are noticing. For proof, look no further than the line leading to her candle-lit table at the Stissing House Craft Feast each winter. In her first year there, she scribed around 1,200 gift tags, cards, and hand drawn ornaments.

Keep ReadingShow less
Regional 7 students bring ‘The Addams Family’ to the stage

The cast of “The Addams Family” from Northwest Regional School District No. 7 with Principal Kelly Carroll from Ann Antolini Elementary School in New Hartford.

Monique Jaramillo

Nearly 50 students from across the region are helping bring the delightfully macabre world of “The Addams Family” to life in Northwestern Regional School District No. 7’s upcoming production. The student cast and crew, representing the towns of Barkhamsted, Colebrook, New Hartford and Norfolk, will stage the musical March 27 and 28 at 7 p.m., with a 2 p.m. matinee on March 29 in the school’s auditorium in Winsted.

Based on the iconic characters created by Charles Addams, the musical follows Wednesday Addams, who shocks her famously eccentric family by falling in love with a perfectly “normal” young man. When his parents come to dinner at the Addams’ mansion, two very different families collide, leading to an evening of secrets, surprises and unexpected revelations about love and belonging.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

‘Quilts of Many Colors’ opens at Hunt Library

Garth Kobel, Art Wall Chair, Mary Randolph, Frank Halden, Ruth Giumarro, Project Chair, Maria Bulson, Barbara Lobdell, Sherry Newman, Elizabeth Frey-Thomas, Donna Heinz around “The Green Man.”

Robin Roraback

In honor of National Quilt Day, a tradition established in 1991, Hunt Library’s second annual quilt show, “Quilts of Many Colors,” will open Saturday, March 21, with a reception from 5 to 7 p.m. The quilts, made by members of the Hunt Library Quilters, will be displayed through April 17. All quilts will be for sale, and a portion of each sale goes to the library.

At the center of the exhibit is a quilt the Hunt Library Quilters collaborated on called the “Quilt of Many Colors,” inspired by Dolly Parton’s song”Coat of Many Colors.” Each member of the Hunt Library Quilters made two to four 10-inch squares for the twin-size quilt, with Gail Allyn embroidering “The Green Man” for the center square. The Green Man, a symbol of rebirth, is also a symbol of the library, seen carved in stone at the library’s entrance. One hundred percent of the sale of this quilt benefits the library.

Keep ReadingShow less

New in at Kenise Barnes Fine Art

New in at Kenise Barnes Fine Art

New works on display at Kenise Barnes Fine Art in Kent

D.H. Callahan

Since 2018, Kenise Barnes Fine Art in Kent has been displaying an impressive rotation of works across a range of artists and mediums. On Saturday, March 14, art enthusiasts arrived to see a new exhibition at the gallery featuring a wide variety of new pieces.

Large-scale paintings by David Collins and Melanie Parke alongside small 3-by-3 inch oil-on-panel works by Sally Maca.

Keep ReadingShow less
Trailblazing divorce attorney Harriet Newman Cohen to speak at Norfolk Library

Harriet Newman Cohen

Provided

Harriet Newman Cohen weathered many storms in her five-decade-long journey to become one of the nation’s most celebrated divorce attorneys. Voted one of the top 100 attorneys in New York for many years, Cohen served as president of the New York Women’s Bar Association and has been a champion of divorce reform. She and her co-author, journalist David Feinberg, will give a book talk about her memoir, “Passion and Power: A Life in Three Worlds,” at the Norfolk Library on Sunday, March 22 at 2 p.m.

What began as a personal record of her life, intended for her family, grew into a memoir that journalist Carl Bernstein describes in his endorsement as “wise and riveting.” Born in 1932 in Providence, Rhode Island, to parents who immigrated in 1920 from Ukraine and Poland, Cohen traces the arc of her life and the challenges she faced entering a legal profession that was overwhelmingly male at the time, leading to her success as a maverick divorce attorney fighting for women’s rights and equity in the law. She received her Juris Doctor, cum laude, from Brooklyn Law School in 1974, one year after Roe v. Wade was decided. She is a founding partner of Cohen Stine Kapoor LLP in New York City, a family and matrimonial law firm she formed in 2021, at age 88, with her daughter Martha Cohen Stine and Ankit Kapoor.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.