Making difficult decisions about our safety

I was taking a walk amidst falling golden leaves with a friend I’ll call Lisa. Since we were outside and there was a nice breeze, we weren’t wearing masks. But we were trying to keep 6 feet between us, which meant each time we neared each other as we talked, one of us cautiously moved away. I’d brought a mask, thinking Lisa might want us to wear them, but she’d brushed the idea aside. Still, she had hung a mask around her neck to put on if we encountered someone on the road. So I folded mine and put it in the pocket of my down vest.

Lisa was distressed about an old friend from Long Island, a coronavirus hot spot, who had asked to visit. Her immune system is compromised, which her friend knows, so she was surprised when the man arrived without a mask. Although they were sitting on the porch, she asked him nicely to put one on, even offering him a disposable mask she had handy. But he was obviously angry as he rejected her offer. “You can cower in fear during the pandemic,” he snapped at her. “But I’m going to live my life.” He went without a mask throughout the visit, with the result that she had decided not to see him again during the coronavirus pandemic. 

She stopped, turning to me, and asked: “Why, when everyone is making their own rules about what feels safe, does it make people angry when someone is being more careful than they are?” 

“We also get angry when someone is less careful than we are,” I said.  “You and I believe that science is on our side, and you probably hid your anger, but you were clearly annoyed that he didn’t take the virus seriously.” 

I thought the man was absolutely wrong not to wear a mask, especially since she’d specifically asked. But I suspected that his anger was defensive. I’ve experienced irritation when someone shows much more fear of the virus than I do, probably because their caution makes me wonder whether I’m being reckless with my health, or the health of my husband, who was seriously ill earlier this year. Since I’m not someone who succumbs readily to fear, almost out of my awareness, my fear can easily turn into irritation, even anger. Probably not very different than Lisa’s friend.

The CDC and Dr. Fauci have made two rules clear for staying safe during the pandemic: wearing a mask and social distancing. Still, Lisa was right: a lot of situations remain unclear. We have to make our own difficult decisions, and no two people decide in exactly the same way.

Since my immune system seems resilient, I enjoy regular trips to the grocery store, post office and bank. Despite recent increases in the coronavirus, including in the Northwest Corner, I attended a small indoor party a few weeks ago, where the hostess had a HEPA filter going, the women stayed at least 6 feet from each other, and, except to put delicious bites of cake into our mouths, we all wore masks. Missing shopping, I’ve even wandered into a shoe shop and a clothing store — activities that would horrify some of my friends. 

Still, Thanksgiving, which is likely to be too cold to eat outside, presented a problem for me. As I worried about six people sitting together over a long indoor meal, my Egyptian friend with whom I have shared many Thanksgivings repeated a Swedish adage: there is no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes. And so, with some amusement, we decided to eat a hot turkey soup on my terrace; to come inside for a well-spaced conversation with our masks on; and to go back outside for pecan and pumpkin pie. I doubt whether our solution will have mass appeal, but I offer it with the hope that, as the day draws near, each of us can combine what we have read and heard, along with how hardy we feel, to make decisions that will feel comfortable, even if they are unique and idiosyncratic.

And yet—and yet, shouldn’t choices that can result in life or death also give us moments of aloneness and uncertainty?  

 

Carol Ascher, who lives in Sharon, has published seven books of fiction and nonfiction, as well as many essays and stories.  She is trained as a spiritual director.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Lakeville Journal and The Journal does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

Roomful of Blues set for April 17 show at Infinity Hall in Norfolk
Photo provided

NORFOLK –Roomful of Blues, the Rhode Island-based band hailed by DownBeat magazine as being “in a class by themselves,” will bring its mix of blues, jump, swing, boogie-woogie and soul to Infinity Hall in Norfolk on Friday, April 17, at 8 p.m.

The long-running group, formed in 1967, is touring behind its Alligator Records album Steppin’ Out!, released in late 2025.

Keep ReadingShow less

Robert E. Stapf Sr.

Robert E. Stapf Sr.

MILLERTON — Robert E. Stapf Sr. (Bobbo), a devoted husband, loving father, grandfather, great grandfather, brother and friend to many, passed away peacefully on April 9, 2026, at the age of 77, happily at home surrounded by lots and lots of love and with the best care ever.

Bob was born Jan. 16, 1949, to the late Peter and Dorothy (Fountain) Stapf. He began working at an early age, met his forever love, Sandy, in 7th grade and later graduated from Pine Plains Central School.

Keep ReadingShow less

Michael Joseph Carabine

Michael Joseph Carabine

SHARON — Michael Joseph Carabine, 81, of Sharon, Connecticut, passed away on the morning of Friday, April 3, 2026, at Bryn Mawr Hospital in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. He was the beloved husband of the late Angela Derrico Carabine and loving father to Caitlin Carabine McLean.

Michael was born on April 23, 1944, in Bronx, New York. He was the son of the late Thomas and Kathleen Carabine of New York.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

Chion Wolf brings ‘Audacious’ radio show to Winsted with show-and-tell event
Nils Johnson, co-founder and president of The Little Red Barn Brewers in Winsted, hosted Chion Wolf and her Connecticut Public show “Audacious LIVE: Show and Tell,” which was broadcast on April 8, drawing a sold-out crowd.
Jennifer Almquist

The parking lot of The Little Red Barn Brewers in Winsted was full on Wednesday, April 8, as more than 100 people from 43 Connecticut towns — including New Haven and Vernon — arrived carrying personal treasures for a live taping of “Audacious LIVE Show & Tell.”

Chion Wolf, host and producer of Connecticut Public’s “Audacious,” and her crew, led by production manager Maegn Boone, brought the program to the packed brewery for an evening of story-driven conversation and shared keepsakes.

Keep ReadingShow less
Marge Parkhurst, the preservation detective

Marge Parkhurst with a collection of historic nails recovered from wall cavities during restoration work.

Photo courtesy of Marge Parkhurst/Cottage & Country Painting Company
Walls still surprise me. If you look hard enough, you can find buried treasure.
Marge Parkhurst

After nearly 50 years of painting some of Litchfield County’s oldest homes and landmark properties, Marge Parkhurst has developed an eye for the past—reading the clues left behind in stenciled vines, forgotten bottles and newspapers tucked into walls, each revealing a small but vivid piece of Connecticut history.

Parkhurst was stripping wallpaper in a farmhouse in Colebrook — the kind of historic home she has spent decades restoring — when she noticed something odd. Three layers of paper had already come off — each one a different era’s idea of decoration — and beneath them, just barely visible under dull, off-white plaster, a pattern emerged.

Keep ReadingShow less
Wings of Spring performance at the Mahaiwe Theater
Adam Golka
Provided

On Sunday, April 19, at 4 p.m., Close Encounters With Music (CEWM) presents On the Wings of Song at the Mahaiwe Performing Arts Center in Great Barrington.

The program focuses on Robert Schumann’s spellbinding song cycle Dichterliebe (“A Poet’s Love”), a setting of sixteen poems by Heinrich Heine that explores love, longing, and the redemptive power of beauty. Featured artists include John Moore, baritone; Adam Golka, pianist; Miranda Cuckson, viola; and Yehuda Hanani, cello.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.