Lazy, hazy days of...winter?

When syndicated columnists run out of ideas they do one of two things.

First they collect the last couple year’s worth of columns and call it a book. These are published to great acclaim from other syndicated columnists and show up in due course in gigantic, ziggurat-shaped mounds at Costco for $4.98 a pop.

We’re working on that one.

The other standby is this right here: The “Things That Caught My Eye Recently” column.

Item: How’s the fishing?

Lousy. As I peck this out on the Chromebook with the sticky “s” key, the latest wild guess from the weather people says we’re going to get the first proper snowstorm of the winter starting tomorrow — Sunday, Jan. 19.

If that happens as predicted then the following advice will have to include the phrase “be prepared for snowdrifts.”

If I was going to drop a line somewhere, I would go first to the West Branch of the Farmington, probably in the two miles or so downstream of the Goodwin dam.

The same water that keeps the river cool in the summer works in the opposite direction in the winter. You’ll find more clear, ice and slush-free water here than anywhere else.

Downstream from where the Swift River enters at Riverton you will almost certainly encounter ice and slush. The latter will clear out on a sunny day but the shelf ice won’t. Do not walk on the shelf ice. It isn’t safe, period, and an unscheduled bath in January is absolutely no fun at all.

If that’s not appealing, then I would try a little blue line. The warning about shelf ice applies here too. Because the brush is down, you can forget the little rod and deploy a nine-footer. You’ll need the extra length to flip your flies into the clear channel of water between the ice floes without messing with the shelf ice along the banks.

For the Farm, try junk flies first: squirmies, mops, eggs and so forth. If nobody salutes try big stonefly nymphs. If that’s a bust, Wooly Bugger ‘em.

And if that fails to click, go home already. It’s freezing out.

On the little stream, big, high-floating dries like Stimulators, Parachute Adamses and Chubby Chernobyls are the way to go. Try adding a short, 12 inch, dropper with a kebari or soft-hackle wet fly.

Item: Should I be monitoring the winter clearance sales?

Yes you should. This is the time to pick up things like discontinued models of wading boots at considerable savings. There is nothing worse than having a set of boots fall apart and having to pay top dollar for replacements. Extra worseness for paying for overnight freight.

However, this is not necessarily the time to buy new flies unless you have carefully and methodically cleaned out and organized your fly boxes so you know exactly what you need.

My fly boxes are, for the most part, still in the car. So I am resisting the lure of stocking up on size 6 Double-Gilled Wampus Busters.

Item: Is it dangerous to fish in cold weather?

Yes. It’s also mostly unpleasant and unproductive. The pain and misery can be mitigated by dressing in wicking layers and getting out of the water when you can’t feel your feet.

But catching a decent fish in the winter makes for a good story, in which the size of the fish is in inverse proportion to the air temperature. In other words, the colder it is, the bigger your fish gets in the retelling.

Finally, I note that the great angling writer John Gierach died recently.

Spend a little time with one of his books and you’ll realize that while any idiot can string a few jokes together with some basic fishing information — ahem — very few can do it in such a way to make the story about life, not fishing.