MMS fights bullying

MILLBROOK — Principal Phyllis Amori invited parents to the Millbrook Middle School (MMS) cafeteria Tuesday, Jan. 31, for an Anti-Bullying Coffee Hour. Amori and Assistant Principal Marisa Merlino led a discussion about partnering against bullying behavior. Amori told parents about a recent middle school assembly where she said inappropriate and hurtful words to the students.“Loser, slut, brown nose, faggot, that’s so gay, etc., one could have heard a pin drop. I then apologized to the students,” said Amori. “I talked a little bit about how students in this room have said those things. Maybe not directly to the person but they have said them, and I know because those people they have said them about have come to me in tears. Let’s try and become a school where the only way we say anything to anyone is right to their face.” If a student chooses to say those words they should be able walk up to a person and look them in the face and say them. Amori said that the students don’t want it to be that type of school, and they don’t want to engage in that type of behavior. “So how are we going to overcome some of the natural tendencies in adolescents of picking on someone else just because it makes us feel a little bit better?” asked Amori. “This assembly kicked off the Building Leadership Team initiative, which is really coming to a head for No Name-calling Week. We are a part of a national movement where the slogan is, ‘Call Me By One Name, My Name.’”Each student in Millbrook Middle School was given a book about bullying at their reading level, and on Thursday, Feb. 2, there was an extended home period where parents were welcomed to join in and discuss the books. Amori wanted to invite parents to the coffee hour for a discussion about bullying to figure out ways parents and the school can partner to combat bullying. Amori said that it’s even more important to understand what constitutes bullying behavior, because on July 1 New York’s Dignity For All Students Act (DASA) will go into effect.“When the new legislation goes into effect it will absolutely impact every time someone comes to my office and says, ‘I have been bullied,’ and whenever a parent calls saying their child is being bullied,” said Amori. “One of the essential tasks I am beginning to describe tonight is what is bullying and how do we do create a climate so that type of behavior doesn’t exist and is not accepted?”DASA aims to end discrimination and harassment in schools by establishing anti-harassment and anti-discrimination policies. It also seeks to create school training programs and increase staff awareness and response time to such incidents. Also, the curriculum for students in grades K-12 must include civility, citizenship and character education. Amori explained that the principle characteristics of bullying include a specific type of aggression where the person intends to harm or disturb another person. This aggressive behavior is usually repeated over time, creating an imbalance of power between the attacker and the victim. The principal said that many times students report behavior that is far from being kind but not quite bullying.“With our sixth-graders everything is interpreted as bullying,” said Amori. “Because everything feels weird to them in terms of social interaction, because everything is changing.”With DASA going into effect it’s important to know what bullying behavior is, so false reports are not made, which could distract the school from the real bullying. Amori said that research shows that most incidents of bullying are not reported because students don’t think it’s bullying or they are too scared or ashamed to come forward. Merlino said that many times bullying is shown through a student’s body language.“There is excluding by body language, where it doesn’t have to be overt or physical but instead someone feels shunned. That is a lot of what we see,” said Merlino. “When it happens repeatedly they start getting upset and we see things like a student not wanting to come to school or avoiding the cafeteria.”Amori shared with parents some facts about bullying from researchers: 90 percent of middle school students have reported being bullied. Merlino said that she believes this percentage is so high due to the amount of bullying that occurs via Facebook, texting and other social media, which happens frequently since it’s more difficult to monitor students’ behavior through technology. “I think they interact so much differently than we did because they have the texting and Facebook,” said Kerry Weller, parent. “I wonder if that’s part of it if they can hide behind that façade?”Craig Wolff, who is a member of the Millbrook School District Board of Education as well as a parent, expanded on the issue.“Because of social media and video games I don’t think kids go out and play with each other as much as we did,” he said. “There is less of the face time so they don’t know how to deal with each other because they are not together as much.”Amori also pointed out that the lingo among adults and students on what bullying behavior is, is different. While an adult may call it bullying students often call it drama. Amori said that especially with female students drama and gossip seem more appealing to be a part of then bullying. Parent Shanon O’Hearn said she has a daughter in the first grade and is already seeing the exclusive bullying behavior and can already see who the “cool bees” are in the class. She also sees some children going home crying because they are not being accepted.Amori said it’s important for parents to have an open and comfortable communication with their children about what is happening in their lives and monitor their child’s social media usage.“Why are we even sitting here, why is this legislation happening? It’s because we are all aware of the suicides,” said Amori. “Because the media has made us aware, rightly so, of the incidents where this stuff went unnoticed, unaddressed and children made very painful yet impulsive decisions. They couldn’t see beyond the pain they were experiencing and we as adults were incapable of preventing [tragedies]. They are extreme examples, but they do take place.”Amori said Millbrook Middle School has already implemented programs to help prevent bullying in the school such as curriculum based programs and interventions among students. The sixth-grade class recently took a trip to Dover to speak with a father who lost his son as a result of cyber bullying.“I don’t think we have a huge bullying problem at Millbrook Middle School,” said Amori. “I don’t think we do but what we have is lots of problems that are affecting all middle schools and all schools in our society. That has to do with unkind behavior. That seems to become more the norm through the media and how celebrities act. The messages kids get from the larger context is it is cool to be mean. Mean behavior may not be bullying but it’s not good. We need to make it cool to be kind.”