Savoring the schlock, one terrible film at a time

"Mandy"
Produced by SpectreVision
"Mandy"
Since Christmas I have watched about 200 of the worst movies I could find. Thanks to the wonders of streaming, the supply of horrible films is, apparently, inexhaustible.
A note on methodology: I relied heavily on Rifftrax, an outfit that does the hard work of digging up these relics and offers them accompanied by what they call “riffing,” meaning they crack jokes.
The danger here is concentrating on the commentary and not the movies. Here at The Lakeville Journal’s Bad Cinema Desk, we write our own jokes.
So when feasible, I found the straight version of a flick Rifftrax covers.
Free-with-ads services such as Tubi, Freevee, and Plex have vast libraries of cruddy stuff, so it’s not that hard to track these things down.
But sometimes it was just simpler to go with Rifftrax and do my best to avoid swiping their gags.
Here are five awful movies that got my attention, for all the wrong reasons.
“Mandy” (2018): Psychedelic pshocker with the always-entertaining Nicolas Cage doing battle against a cult of weirdos whose leader (Linus Roache) seems to think he’s a cross between Jesus and Charlie Manson, with a little Jon Anderson (of Yes) thrown in for seasoning.
The weirdos are in cahoots with a gang of mutant bikers, and everybody’s drinking down this sludgy LSD specially created for them by the Chemist because, A) he doesn’t like them, and B) he’s got a tiger.
Kung fu with chainsaws, medieval weapons and bare fists. Eyeball-popping. Barbed wire. Hallucinations galore. King Crimson music. Custom vans. About 40 gallons of blood. Dorm room theology. And Cage in his skivvies, for maximum horror.
“Fungicide” (2002): This could be called “outsider cinema.” It could also be called “amateurish dreck.” Both descriptions are correct.
A mad scientist, an ex-military guy with issues, a jort-wearing tough guy from Philly and a real estate dork all show up at a rustic bed and breakfast.
The mad scientist has done something to the mushrooms so the spores are floating around creating killer mushrooms and the world is gonna end. I think that’s the gist of it. It’s hard to tell. The sound is kinda muddy.
What makes this shine are the killer mushrooms. There are three types: Mushrooms with teeth that are about 2 feet tall; man-sized mushrooms (no teeth); and unconvincing computer mushrooms.
Mushroom attack cam. Real estate broker chewed by mushrooms. Excellent stick fights between cast members and the big mushrooms. The slowest martial arts kicks ever captured on someone’s aunt’s camcorder. Mad scientist who would steal the show if there was a show to steal. Fascinating in its way. However, you may lose IQ points by watching this.
"Miami Connection"Produced by P.J.K. Group
“Miami Connection” (1987): Also outsider cinema, in the sense that it really wants to be inside.
This flick centers around the guys in Dragon Sound, a rock band that made me long for the hard-hitting sounds of Journey or a tape of seals giving birth, whichever is easier to round up.
The Dragon Sound members study tae kwon do with the rhythm guitarist, Mark, and they need it because they get mixed up with a cocaine-dealing bunch of ninja-type bad guys. Also Mark’s not much of a guitarist.
The flick’s got a “Scooby-Doo” or “Archies” feel to it, marred somewhat by the star’s inability to speak English.
The music sequences would be unbelievable…except they are indistinguishable from rock videos of the era. So if the hard work of dozens of professional filmmakers and musicians can be duplicated for about 10 cents on the dollar by a bunch of complete amateurs, that says something. Something profound. And if you give me a minute I’ll remember what it is.
“Radical Jack” (2000): Starring Mr. Achy Breaky his ownself, Billy Ray Cyrus, as Jack, ex-CIA, seeker of justice and proud owner of the most spectacular mullet haircut in world history.
Jack blows into a small Vermont town and gets tangled up in an arms-dealing racket. I know that when I’m in the market for a rocket-propelled grenade launcher or some other handy item, I always think “Vermont.”
Here I must bow in tribute to Rifftrax for the vocal stylings during the sponge bath scene.
Elsewhere, you will be as pleased as I was when the son of the bad guy gets it right in the pleated Dockers. In these lax, postmodern times, crimes against style are so rarely punished in public.
"The Apple"Produced by NF Geria II Filmgesellschaft
“The Apple” (1980): Saving the absolute worst for last, this is a sci-fi rock musical, written and directed by Menahem Golan.
The story is that something called the BIM is coming, and a whole mob of freaks in shiny underwear have to get ready. Meanwhile this guy Alphie wants to rescue this girl Bibi from the BIM and go live in a field with the hippies.
It’s difficult to describe this adequately, so let’s just go with “bonkers,” which was how Falls Village’s Garth Kobal summed it up in a recent discussion of the trashy and ephemeral.
The high point is a musical number, “Coming.”
I used to think that Donna Summer’s 1975 disco hit “Love to Love You Baby” was the last word in sex songs. I mean, it’s about 20 minutes of moaning over a relentless beat.
But next to “Coming,” Summer’s effort sounds like a Gregorian chant.
The other high point is the end. Well, near the end.
There is an honest-to-God deus ex machina. Literally. A guy in a glowing white suit who gets out of a glowing white Rolls Royce in the sky to lead the hippies to Paradise.
And it’s not John Lennon.
Note: Many Rifftrax flicks (and predecessor “Mystery Science Theater 3000”) are available on the above-mentioned streaming services. For the uninitiated, watching a riffed version is a safe way to enter the world of Bad Cinema. Only advanced viewers should attempt the original versions, due to the very real possibility of irreparable brain damage.
Aradev LLC’s plans to redevelop Wake Robin Inn include four 2,000-square-foot cabins, an event space, a sit-down restaurant and fast-casual counter, a spa, library, lounge, gym and seasonal pool. If approved, guest room numbers would increase from 38 to 57.
LAKEVILLE — The public hearing for the redevelopment of Wake Robin Inn is over. Salisbury Planning and Zoning Commission now has two months to make a decision.
The hearing closed on Tuesday, Sept. 9, after its seventh session.
Michael Klemens, chair of P&Z, had warned at the opening of the proceedings that “this might be a long night” due to a last-minute influx of material from experts hired by Wells Hill Road residents William and Angela Cruger to oppose the project, but this turned out not to be the case.
These 11th hour submissions set a sour tone to the start of the meeting, with commissioner Robert Riva stating that it was “not very professional to pull this stunt on this Commission.” Riva said he had diligently reviewed the already substantial documentation provided by both the applicant and the opposing experts, and was surprised to find a “dump” of additional information submitted just hours before the meeting’s start time at 6 p.m.
Tensions were quickly eased, however, when William Cruger offered his concise summation of his platform’s opposition to the expansion, which is the second iteration of the project after an earlier version was withdrawn late last year.
“It’s important for you all to hear from me that there was never any disrespect intended to the Commission, the commissioners, and to the process,” Cruger said. He defended the last-minute submissions as an effort on the part of the experts to be thorough in their analysis: “Our intention… has been and remains to do our best to get whatever we think will be helpful in your deliberations into the record.”
The Crugers formally entered the hearing process as intervenors for the first application from Aradev LLC, the applicant, in the fall of 2024, meaning they and their hired consultants had full party status in the hearing proceedings. During this cycle, however, they chose not to petition for intervenor status, yet during this round of hearings their role has been similar. Klemens described them as having “almost intervenor status — not quite.”
William Cruger summarized the consultant’s findings for Aradev’s revised application, noting they found it to be “virtually identical in scale to the previous proposal.”
“Our position is that the proposed expansion would absolutely negatively impact the usefulness, enjoyment and value of the surrounding properties,” he said.
Aradev’s attorney Joshua Mackey countered by saying that the special permit conditions would elevate the currently non-conforming hotel in the zone, describing it as a “community asset that is improved, regulated, and safeguarded for generations to come.” He characterized Aradev as “the next steward of this storied property.”
After Mackey and Aradev co-founder Steven Cohen concluded their remarks, Klemens closed the hearing with no public comment, which he had stated would be the case at last week’s hearing session on Thursday, Sept. 4. Klemens said that P&Z will begin deliberating the proposal in early October after the commissioners have had the chance to review the information in the record.
A total of 45 letters, including the Crugers’ experts’ testimony, were submitted since the Sept. 4 meeting alone, alongside hundreds of pages of application materials and additional testimony.
As the Commission deliberates and reviews, all of this information is available for public viewing on the “Meeting Documents” subpage under P&Z’s section on the town website, www.salisburyct.us.
The Commission must issue a decision on the application by Nov. 13, the end of the statutorily defined deliberation window.
The Weavery is Stanton Home’s oldest activity space, featuring a collection of vintage and modern floor looms. It offers opportunities for building dexterity, creative expression, and social connection through fiber arts.
Stanton Home is holding its annual Harvest Roast fundraiser on Saturday, Sept. 13 in Great Barrington, an evening of farm-to-table dining, live swing music, and community connection.
For nearly 40 years, Stanton Home has supported adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities through residential programs, therapeutic services and skill-building activities.
“Here in the Berkshires, adults with diverse abilities often face barriers like limited housing, tricky transportation, and fewer opportunities for meaningful work,” said Executive Director Peter Stanton. “Stanton Home flips that script. Our mission is to partner with adults to pursue healthy, self-determined lives.”
The Harvest Roast features locally grilled meats, roasted vegetables from Stanton’s own gardens, warm apple crisp with SoCo Creamery ice cream, and beverages —all set to the swing and gypsy jazz rhythms of the Lucky 5 Band.
“The Harvest Roast is a celebration of what makes our community strong, inclusive, and vibrant,” Stanton said. “Every ticket and sponsored table supports programs that make a lasting difference.”
Guests will begin in the gardens with a signature cocktail before gathering at long farm tables for a shared meal and celebration.
“Though this night matters, the work is year-round,” Stanton added. “People can help by shopping locally at the farm store or buying handmade weavery goods, pitching in with time or skills, gardening, lending a hand at events or by partnering with Stanton’s programs like composting or sourcing local goods. Folks can also speak up for inclusion in their workplace or community circle. Even the smallest action helps keep the mission alive.”
Tickets are $125 per person. Proceeds support Stanton Home’s inclusive programs. Reserve at donorbox.org/events/771775/steps/choose_tickets or call 413-441-0761.
Following the memorable benefit reading last season of Charles Busch’s Tony-nominated Broadway hit, “The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife,” the Sharon Playhouse will present a one-night-only staged reading of his riotous comic melodrama “Die Mommie Die!” on Friday, Sept. 12 at 7 p.m.
The production —a deliciously over-the-top homage to classic Hollywood mid-century thrillers — continues the Playhouse’s artistic partnership with Busch, who reprises his iconic role of the glamorous yet troubled songstress Angela Arden.
The playwright and performer is no stranger to the Playhouse and, luckily, he’s supported by a truly stellar powerhouse cast of top-notch comic actors — some returning to the Playhouse stage, and some making their debut. The cast includes Richard Kind; two-time Tony Award nominee Kristine Nielsen, who was part of the original New York cast; Tony Award winner Celia Keenan-Bolger; Andrew Keenan-Bolger; and Claybourne Elder.
The production also marks a fortuitous alignment of talent and history. It is directed by Sharon Playhouse Artistic Director Carl Andress, who performed in the play’s Los Angeles premiere in 1999.
“I have a long and happy history with this particular show,” Andress said. “At the Sharon Playhouse, we’re thrilled to offer unforgettable, one-of-a-kind live experiences. With Charles Busch and this phenomenal cast, ‘Die Mommie Die!’ will surely light up the Olsen Stage with laughter, wit and glamour.”
The original music is by Lewis Flinn, whose score for the 2007 Off-Broadway production is being adapted specially for this event.
The play is a classic Charles Busch concoction that, like all his work, lovingly and intelligently spoofs some of the greatest talents and tropes of stage and screen. The original production was praised by critics as his “funniest, most accomplished and, without question, raunchiest work.”
In 2003, Busch won the Best Performance award at the Sundance Film Festival for the film version of “Die Mommie Die!” His indelible contributions to American theater have been recognized with countless awards and he was recently inducted into the Theater Hall of Fame.
The event promises to be an unforgettable night of laughter, glamour and theatrical fun, with all proceeds going to benefit Sharon Playhouse’s productions and educational programs. The funds will help ensure that the Playhouse continues to thrive as a cultural destination for audiences and artists alike.
For tickets, visit: sharonplayhouse.org. Running time: 90 minutes.
Richard Feiner and Annette Stover have worked and taught in the arts, communications, and philanthropy in West Berlin, Paris, Tokyo, and New York. Passionate supporters of the arts, they live in Salisbury and Greenwich Village.