Animals are smart

I like elephants. Who doesn’t? Elephants are smart, but how smart? They really only have to do two things: be able to push heavy stuff and pull heavy stuff. If they can stand on their hind legs they achieve star status.

I guess this makes them smarter than horses, who only know how to pull stuff, and can also stand on their hind legs. The elephants are one up on them.  They both can carry people on their backs, but it is easier for the elephant, who hardly notices the weight. Horses only do this under duress.

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Dogs are pretty smart, or maybe I should say clever. Sometimes they play stupid if it is in their interest. This often gets them extra treats. Spot isn’t fetching consistently, so what do we do? We give him the really good treat if he brings us the fetchy thing. Will he never learn not to sleep on the furniture? Best not bother him. Tick him off and he could turn that into a chewy toy.

Cats are just plain sneaky. In the wild it is how they catch things to eat. In the not-so-wild it is how they steal things to eat. One of their favorite “tricks� is to use their stealth mode to place themselves directly under your feet without your noticing. This leads to all kinds of hilarious falls.

Cats are real jokers. Dogs are more serious, although they will clown around, sometimes rolling on their backs in the grass making growly noises, which scares the bejesus out of non-dog people who are sure they are witnessing a fit. When it comes to planned pratfalls though, you can’t beat a cat.

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Crows are supposed to be really smart. I don’t know if they are so much smart as they are suspicious. I sometimes feed a couple of them and they won’t come down out of the tree unless I back way off. I read somewhere that crows are one of the few species that can use simple tools. I don’t know about this. I left my hand saw by their treats, but I haven’t seen anything that impresses me yet.

Killer whales are said to be super intelligent.They haven’t shown us much yet except for a lot of splashing around and letting people ride on them. I have a feeling that they are very smart; just biding their time. When we are complacent and off our guard I think it will be a massacre. We look too much like seals without the hard-to-digest fur coats.

Humans are supposed to be the smartest of all. I am not so sure. When the check comes, my dog can never seem to find his wallet.

Bill Abrams resides in and contemplates animal intelligence from Pine Plains.