Dishing it out

Who invented dishes and why? Seems like a lot of unnecessary work. TV dinners have addressed this quite nicely with their throw-away, biodegradable, recyclable packaging.

I know that the idea of pottery is very old. I can understand this. It is what they carried liquids in. When you don’t have to live right next to the river, but can be a couple of hundred feet back, it means you don’t get eaten by crocodiles quite so often. Very useful.

I do not see what the driving force was behind dishware. Was it decorative? A sign of affluence? Was a slab of wood not good enough to cut your food on? Well, they took that too far, didn’t they? The royalty of France, for one, had gold dishes and utensils. Gold conducts heat at a rapid rate. The kings  and queens of France probably never had a hot meal.

For some reason, dishes are supposed to match. I happen to think it is more fun to have all different kinds around the table. Sometimes this leads to trouble as everyone is jealous of my Daffy Duck plate.

When company comes, even if it is the little fledglings, now all grown up, everything has to match. This means washing dishes before you eat off them (they have been sitting in the air in the china closet for months), then washing them again. This is madness.

The matched dishes even have special, extra dishes, that we put stuff  into that we would normally serve out of the pot, like peas and potatoes. One dish is not good enough for the roast. You have to have one with the roast on it, a sort of a staging area, and then another for the slices that can be passed around.  More dishes. Dessert has its own little dish and its own little fork. Arrrrrgh!

This brings me to silverware and reminds me that there is one surefire way to determine if your restaurant is “fine diningâ€� or “family fare.â€� No, it is not the prices on the menu. It is when they come to take away your salad plate and the waitress says, “Did you want to keep your fork?â€�  You had better say yes because you are not getting another one.

Evidently, all of the silverware (stainless steel, really) has to match, also. Growing families with limited means are hard pressed to come up with enough matching silverware for guests. It takes many trips to Applebee’s to collect enough of the same pattern. Oh. That is not what the waitress meant? (He said innocently.)

For many years my old Hopalong Cassidy spoon joined the posse whenever we had company. It was either that or stir your coffee with your finger. Ouch!

Bill Abrams resides and grumbles about dishware in Pine Plains.