Does Happiness Dwell In a Grilled Cheese Sandwich?


Are you happy?

I just polled my office colleagues, using the very brief questionnaire in Richard O’Connor’s latest book: "Happy at Last." And it seems some people are not as happy as they look.

That’s because being unhappy is socially unacceptable, O’Connor tells me in an interview at his home in Lakeville. "A lot of people put up good fronts." And that, he explains, is because people feel guilty about being unhappy. It just goes from bad to very bad.

Now O’Connor, a pleasant and receptive fellow, knows about unhappiness. He has suffered from depression, and he has treated many depressed people in his psychotherapy practice in North Canaan and New York City. So, over time, he has developed interesting views on the subject.

For starters, "Happiness is not our normal state of mind," he tells me. "It’s not part of our genetic makeup."

That’s because the people who were content and unwary got eaten by bears. So we, the survivors, are hardwired to be alert, combative and always wanting more than we have already. All this striving outwitted the carnivores, but it took some of the joy out of life.

Looks pretty grim, doesn’t it? But O’Connor is not a grim sort of guy. He takes a practical view of joy: that we can, with practice, change; we can rewire ourselves to get more pleasure out of life; we can delight in a really good grilled cheese sandwich; we can switch our goals from immediate, if temporary, satisfactions ("don’t distract yourself with things") to long-term and permanent and meaningful accomplishments (not just climbing the corporate ladder); and we can pursue success and still find peace and joy.

But, it’s a job, one that he details in "Happy at Last," a very readable and entertaining book for people who want to be happier, and even for people who cling to their wary, striving selves. It’s just a thought. But of course, that’s the start.

 


Richard O’Connor, Ph.D., will read from his latest book, "Happy at Last," at a reception Oct. 26 from 2 to 4 p.m., at the Wake Robin Inn in Lakeville. For information, call 860-435-2000.

Latest News

Sharon Hospital drops Northern Dutchess Paramedics as ambulance provider

Sharon Hospital

Stock photo

SHARON — Northern Dutchess Paramedics will cease operating in Northwest Connecticut at the start of the new year, a move that emergency responders and first selectmen say would replace decades of advanced ambulance coverage with a more limited service arrangement.

Emergency officials say the change would shift the region from a staffed, on-call advanced life support service to a plan centered on a single paramedic covering multiple rural towns, raising concerns about delayed response times and gaps in care during simultaneous emergencies.

Keep ReadingShow less
Connecticut crowns football state champs

Berlin High School’s football team rejoices after a last-minute win in the Class M championship game Saturday, Dec. 13.

Photo courtesy of CIAC / Jada Mirabelle

In December’s deep freeze, football players showed their grit in state playoff tournaments.

Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference named six state champions in football. The divisions are based on school size: Class LL included schools with enrollment greater than 786; Class L was 613 to 785; Class MM was 508 to 612; Class M was 405 to 507; Class SS was 337 to 404; and Class S was fewer than 336.

Keep ReadingShow less
Citizen scientists look skyward for Audubon’s Christmas Bird Count

Volunteers scan snowy treetops during the Trixie Strauss Christmas Bird Count in Sharon. Teams identified more than 11,400 birds across 66 species.

Photo: Cheri Johnson/Sharon Audubon Center.

SHARON — Birdwatching and holiday cheer went hand in hand for the Trixie Strauss Christmas Bird Count on Sunday, Dec. 14, with hobbyists and professionals alike braving the chill to turn their sights skyward and join the world’s longest running citizen science effort.

The Christmas Bird Count is a national initiative from the Audubon Society, a globally renowned bird protection nonprofit, that sees tens of thousands of volunteers across the country joining up with their local Audubon chapters in December and January to count birds.

Keep ReadingShow less
A warehouse-to-home proposal in downtown Kent runs into zoning concerns

John and Diane Degnan plan to convert the warehouse at the back of the property into their primary residence, while leaving the four-unit building in the front available for long-term rentals.

By Ruth Epstein

KENT — A proposal to convert an old warehouse into a residence on Lane Street in downtown Kent has become more complicated than anticipated, as the Planning and Zoning Commission considers potential unintended consequences of the plan, including a proposed amendment to Village Residential zoning regulations.

During a special meeting Wednesday, Dec. 10, attorney Jay Klein of Carmody, Torrance, Sandak and Hennessey presented the proposal on behalf of John and Diane Degnan, who have lived at 13 Lane St. since 2022.

Keep ReadingShow less