It may just be a judgment call

“Judge not, lest ye be judged”. “I’m not judging you”. “Don’t be judgmental”.

From biblical times up to present day sitting in judgment of others has never been a path to popularity (Judges Wapner and Judy notwithstanding). Many wear as a badge of honor that they don’t question someone’s motives or decisions. That they don’t judge people. And those who do are unfair and biased. Blindly declaring that “I’m all in” is more often seen as a courageous show of support rather than an unthinking foray into the unknown. Is operating in a judgment-free zone a good idea? Is it even possible?

Ok, I’ll admit it. I am judging you. And you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re not judging me. Perhaps you’re in denial because you refused to acknowledge your Myers-Briggs “personality”. Sure, they told you that it was “completely voluntary” and “doesn’t really mean anything”. Then a ‘J’ (judging) ended up in your personality type and it hung around your neck like a lead-weighted character flaw. “But I’m not judgmental and bossy . . . actually I’m a very sensitive and caring person”.  A painful reminder to use better — judgment — the next time you’re asked to answer personal questions that “really don’t mean anything.”

Judgment, like luck, comes in two flavors: good and bad. They say that experience is the best teacher and good judgment comes from experience but the best experience comes from exercising bad judgment. So it’s complicated.

Gaining wisdom and insight, while important for personal growth, is not straightforward and can be downright dangerous to yourself and others. Some people use the expression “in my humble opinion” or the acronym IMHO in an attempt to deflect the judgmental tag. This is a losing strategy. No truly humble person would use the expression and the acronym just makes it more irritating.

Can a judgmental person and an accepting person be the same person? That’s really the issue isn’t it. In our society it is an acute moral failing if we are “judged” as a person who is unaccepting of others. Interesting that in this case being “judged” as an unaccepting person is somehow acceptable.

As you probably guessed my comments are a reaction to being “accused” of being too judgmental. Changing radio stations in the car from the passenger seat? Assuming “responsibility” for the TV remote? Controlling maybe, but judgmental?

“I’m not accusing you, it’s a fact!”

A fact? Hey, I’ll be the judge of that.

 

M. A. Duca is a resident of Twin Lakes narrowly focused on everyday life.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Lakeville Journal and The Journal does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

Alfred Lyon Ivry

Alfred Lyon Ivry

SALISBURY — Alfred Lyon Ivry, a long-time resident of Salisbury, and son of Belle (Malamud) and Morris Ivry, died in Bergen County, New Jersey, on Feb. 12 at the age of 91, surrounded by family members. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he was a graduate ofAbraham Lincoln High School and Brooklyn College, where he earned a B.A. in English literature and Philosophy and served as drama critic for the school paper.

Alfred earned a PhD in Medieval Jewish Philosophy from Brandeis University in Waltham, Massachusetts in 1963 and in 1971 was awarded a D. Phil in Medieval Islamic Philosophy from Oxford University, Linacre College.

Keep ReadingShow less

Alice Gustafson

Alice Gustafson

LAKEVILLE — Alice Gustafson (née Luchs), 106, of Lakeville, Connecticut, passed away on March 2, 2026. Born in Chicago on Dec. 15, 1919, Alice was raised between New York City, Florida and Lime Rock, where she graduated from Salisbury High School in 1937.

Alice’s career spanned roles at Conover-Mast Publications in New York City, The Lakeville Journal, the Interlaken Inn, and as a secretary to the past president of Smith College. In 1948, she married Herbert “Captain Gus” Gustafson at Trinity Church in Lime Rock.

Keep ReadingShow less

Larry Power

Larry Power

LAKEVILLE — Larry Power passed away peacefully at home on March 9, 2026.

Larry was born at St. Vincent’s Hospital in New York City in 1939.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

Carol Hoffman Matzke

Carol Hoffman Matzke

KENT — Carol L. Hoffman Matzke passed away peacefully with family by her side on Feb. 22, 2026.

She was a beloved mother and stepmother, daughter, sister, grandmother, great-grandmother, community member, and friend.Her presence will be deeply missed. She had a beautiful way of loving, accepting, and supporting all the many members of her vast family, and of welcoming others into her family circle. She was intelligent and well-informed about history and current events, and she took a genuine interest in knowing and understanding everyone she met, from friends and family right down to the stranger who stood next to her in line at the grocery store. Kind and generous, her family and friends knew that she would do anything in her power to help and support them.

Keep ReadingShow less

In remembrance: Grace E. Golden

In remembrance:
Grace E. Golden

As we reflect on the first year of our mom’s passing we can be grateful to God for having the best mother and grandmother of all.

We miss you every day and still struggle with your loss.

Keep ReadingShow less
Cornwall signs contract for new fire trucks

From left, is First Selectman Gordon Ridgway, Dick Sears and CVFD Chief Will Russ signed the contract for two new fire trucks March 3.

Provided

CORNWALL — Cornwall Volunteer Fire Department and the Board of Selectmen signed the contract for two new fire trucks Tuesday, March 3.

The custom rescue pumper and mini pumper will be manufactured by Greenwood Emergency Vehicles, located in North Attleboro, Massachusetts.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.