Lessons learned at WSS vigil

SALISBURY — A theme of the Women’s Support Services (WSS) candlelight vigil on Tuesday night, Oct. 7, was the idea that men need to teach other men, especially the younger generation, that being a man doesn’t mean being abusive to women. 

The keynote speaker at the dusk event was Gary MacNamara, who is the chief of the Fairfield Police Department as well as chairman of the White Ribbon Campaign for the Center for Family Justice in Bridgeport and chairman of the 10x10 Campaign for the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

The 10x10 Campaign offers training for men about how to teach other men that domestic violence, dating violence, stalking are a crime. The concept is that 10 men can spread the word to 10 men, who can each then spread the word to 10 other men and on and on. 

In his remarks, MacNamara stressed the importance, especially, of spreading the word to  younger men.

As it happened, there were quite a few young men at the vigil. The Salisbury School, an independent boarding school for boys, had sent 16 members of its boy’s choir, with musical director Michael Whitney Brown. 

Also performing was the all-girls a capella singing group Calliope from The Hotchkiss School, a co-ed independent boarding school in Lakeville. 

Each group sang two songs, standing at opposite ends of the town Green in front of The White Hart. Calliope began with an a capella arrangement of the song, “Run To You;” Salisbury began with “Lord, Help Me To Hold Out.”

MacNamara then spoke, and encouraged the many men attending the vigil — and the Salisbury School boys standing beside him — to change the culture of men thinking that they can show violence toward their loved ones in the privacy of their own homes (or in the privacy of a closed elevator, he said, as was the case recently with NFL player Ray Rice). 

His speech was followed by the always moving reading of names of women, children and men who died in domestic incidents in the past year. They included a 20-month-old baby and a 60-year-old woman. 

A Prayer for Continued Courage was offered by the Rev. Richard Taber, who noted that one reason for reading aloud the  names of those killed in domestic incidents is so that “death does not have the final word.”

“In hope, amen,” he concluded.

A wish fulfilled

The Calliope singers then offered an upbeat rendition of the song “Drops of Jupiter.” At that point in the service,they had moved closer to the Salisbury boys, so that all were grouped under a tent to avoid the light rain that was falling.

As the young ladies sang, and with the encouragement of Brown, the Salisbury boys danced along and, as the song ended, they shouted out encouraging words; they praised the soloists, calling out “Good job!” and “Do it!”

When it was their turn to sing, the Salisbury boys took turns singing solos in the song, “We Are the World.” Brown, an enthusiastic and inclusive musical director, had the audience clapping and singing along and then called the Calliope singers to sing the chorus on their own. 

High fives and hugs were shared all around after the song ended, and it seemed that the young men had heard the message of the vigil and would perhaps go share it with their classmates. 

Before everyone went into the recently reopened White Hart for refreshments, WSS Executive Director Lori Rivenburgh shared some sobering statistics about the rise in domestic violence. 

She had also opened the vigil, explaining that WSS is a nonprofit agency created in 1981 and serving the towns of Canaan (Falls Village), Cornwall, Kent, North Canaan, Salisbury, Sharon and other area towns. 

Strained resources

She also referred to the Ray Rice incident and noted that it has to some degree shown a light on domestic violence in the United States and the culture that contributes to it. Since that story spread on the news media and social media, she said, calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline have increased by 84 percent; statewide, calls have increased by 30 percent. 

While of course it’s good that more people are seeking help, the burden has increased on agencies and resources. 

“Locally, our requests for shelter have increased significantly,” she said. “The majority of these requests are from other domestic violence programs across the state because they are at capacity and are unable to provide shelter to all the victims in need.”

Specifically, she said that between July 2013 and June 2014, more than 46,000 victims of domestic violence in Connecticut received  more than 177,000 services from local domestic violence agencies. 

WSS alone provided service to 615 adults and 56 children, responded to 462 crisis phone calls and walk-in visits and provided more than 333 individual  counseling sessions (44 adults and children attended support groups). 

Short-term shelter was provided to 13 people. 

“The need is great, even in our little corner of the world,” she said. 

She stressed that, as a culture, it’s important to stop asking why women put up with abuse and don’t report it or don’t just leave. 

“It’s on each of us to change the conversation from ‘Why did she stay?’ to ‘How can I help?’,” she said. “Don’t judge. Just help.”

To learn more about WSS, go to www.wssdv.org.