Ways to get rich quick

I have this great idea. I will write a book that tells you how to get rich quick. It will only cost $5. The book will tell you to sell get- rich-quick books, something many people will buy. Who doesn’t want to get rich quick? How did I come up with this idea you may well ask? Guess.Write a column or draw a comic strip and get it syndicated, then sit back and rake in the dough. What I found out is that you have to have an agent who you pay to approach various newspapers. You pay him in advance to do this and in return he promises to “try real hard” to get your column out there. No guarantees. No refunds. The agents tend to live in places like St. Moritz and Bahia.I am getting pretty sore at those TV segments where they tell you how you can save real money. This would be as opposed to the fake kind; the kind that has chocolate inside. Their money-saving tips include, don’t go out to dinner as often during the week, take one less vacation this year, sell off one of your homes, ask your cook to find more frugal meals and cut back on your political donations.• • •Here are my real-world money-saving tips. Don’t tip. Just keep going to different places and you won’t have to face the people you stiffed. When the kids are really little, convince them that your pots and pans are toys. They won’t know the difference until they are old enough to support themselves. Stop sending greeting cards. Nobody keeps them; they barely even read them. On one TV show the recipient did not even open them. He just looked at the return address and then threw the sealed envelope in the trash. If you must send cards, stop writing in them. Then the other person can reuse the card, possibly sending it back to you.We can also take a page from the TV people; you just have to adjust their suggestions to reality. Eliminate your one luxury meal, the takeout pizza. Work through your vacation since you can’t afford to go anywhere anyway. Abandon your home to the bank or skip out of your apartment and go live in a box. Eat cereal for dinner more often and be sure to buy the store brands. Do not check that little box on your income tax form for the voluntary one dollar political donation. For more great tips on how to save big money, write your name and address on a five dollar bill and send it to …

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