No one in their right mind can admire deadbeat dads. To that I would add no one in their right mind should admire deadbeat moms.The world has moved on from considering moms to be stay-at-home housekeepers, with dad earning the money to support the family. Indeed, many businesses (and countries) make it the law that dads get equal paternity leave when a baby is born. So why is it that the courts, child protection services and a whole array of government agencies consider fathers the ones who are financially responsible and culpable if a marriage goes wrong, leading to the kids usually being given to the mother? Mothers are automatically considered the best child raisers (which is often not the case) while men are considered the ones who failed.Just how far off are these notions from the hateful treatment of women in some Muslim-governed countries? Don’t we decry women having to cover up their faces and maintain the role of subservience? And yet we automatically tell dads to cough up the support money, take the kids away from them and seem to favor women, when in fact we are also saying their role is that of housekeeper and mother.A friend of ours was stopped the other month for a burned out taillight. The officer checked his license and registration and was about to give him a warning when the officer’s computer spat out a suspended license warning. The officer checked why, and there it was: overdue payments in child support. Driver’s license suspended. Nevermind the idiocy of suspending a license for child support payments, meaning the man could not work and earn a wage to pay child support.The man went to the Department of Child Support Services (DCSS) and asked what gives. They said his payment record was 100 percent, especially since it comes directly out of his paycheck on time. So he took that readout and went to the judge, who stamped it. He then went to the Department of Motor Vehicles (and you now the wait there is a joy) and they charged him $65 for the privilege of unsuspending his license. The woman handling it quipped, “Next time maybe you’ll pay your responsibility on time.” That “deadbeat” dad label stung, especially since that day he had been late to his night shift since his kids were left alone when mom went out to party.How’d that notice get on there? It seems that months ago the mom had tried to get DCSS to pay toward medical insurance for the kids, claiming dad wasn’t paying. That’s true; he didn’t contribute cash toward medical insurance since his company policy already covered him and the kids (and his wife when they were married). But she thought she could get more money from them, and so he became a deadbeat dad. The DCSS staff were more than willing to come to the mother’s aid without checking the facts.And in case you think it was all cleared up, it wasn’t. DCSS reports to the state, which reports to Health and Human Services (HSS) in Washington, D.C., which tell the police. Our friend was stopped a few days ago for a temporary license plate check and they confiscated his driver’s license again. Washington, informed by DCSS, should “take about three months to remove the notice.” Any punishment for the mom for false filing? None. DCSS said it’s not their job.Another friend was recently stranded in Asia. Going to the embassy to add pages to his passport because he was working with educational relief across two borders, the embassy promptly confiscated his passport because he was a “deadbeat dad.” Let me see — an American in a far-off land is suddenly stripped of that blue book, that proof you are an American, because of money supposedly not paid back home? The risk to his life in the dangerous country he was in was very real.Deadbeat dad? Nope. Two lawyers and 50 long-distance calls and emails later, California DCSS was made to tell HSS, which supposedly amended its computer and told American Citizen Services (ACS) at the embassy they could return the passport. Without spending thousands of dollars to resolve the issue quickly, the embassy was worried it would have to destroy the passport “within a week” unless resolved. What would have become of this American then? He would have been given an embassy voucher to return to the U.S. to be arrested. Yes, arrested.How did the notice appear at DCSS and HSS, and then ACS? It seems his wife, who took the kids to live in another state, filed there as well to get more money from the local government that, in California, had been legally decided. She claimed poverty and a deadbeat dad to get extra cash. The DCSS in that state believed her, and they still do. Why wouldn’t they? She’s a “state-approved” mother; he’s guilty before innocent.Making partners live up to their responsibility is right and proper. Allowing this double standard based on outmoded stereotypes of men and women is not. The government is wrong here — wrong, meddling and abetting crimes of bad parenting, deception and, at times, vengeance. That is not a good government’s job. Peter Riva, a former resident of Amenia Union, now lives in New Mexico.
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One systemic consequence of slavery is the loss and obscuring of the histories of those who were enslaved. Records were often not kept about where Africans had been stolen from or who they were related to. Families were torn apart, leaving nothing but the faintest traces of the past. The delineation point, where genealogists can no longer trace histories back, is refered to this as the “document wall.”
Today, 250 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence and more than 160 years since the Emancipation Proclamation, there is a growing effort to restore some of the history stripped from enslaved people and their descendants. Among the leaders of these efforts is Mills, president of the Alex Breanne Corporation, a nonprofit organization that works to identify previously anonymous Black Americans from history and connect them with their living relatives.
The work began with Mills’ sister, who started digging into their family’s past in the 1990’s and introduced him to this emerging world of genealogy. Through that process, the Mills family discovered their great-great-grandfather, Ned Mills, who had been enslaved in Texas. His last name came from his final enslaver and remains the family surname. Through their research, they found that the document wall directly affected their ancestor, who learned of his liberation on June 19, 1865, now commemorated as Juneteenth.
“For the first time,” Mills writes on his website, “American slavery wasn’t something that had happened to anonymous people in a history book. It had happened to my family.”
The discovery gave Mills a familial pride he had been missing for years. That pride fueled his desire to help others find their own history. In 2023, Mills received his certificate in genealogical research from Boston University. He has used his expertise to help descendants of enslaved people uncover histories they never dreamed of learning.
To do this, he uses a process called “reverse genealogy,” identifying a person from the past and working forward to discover their descendants. Along the way, Mills has found some remarkable people who fought for freedom on American soil, some of whom were never freed.
Pay Bill for Robin Starr’s service in the Continental Army.Courtesy the Alex Breanne Corporation
At the Cornwall Historical Society event, Mills will present the stories of four Connecticut families: Job Lathrop of Norwich, the son of Pirmus Armes, about whom Mills has published a book; Prince Mortimer of Middletown, also the subject of a book by Mills;, the three sons of London Wallace of Simsbury; and Robert “Robin” Starr of Danbury, who later lived in Cornwall and Sharon.
A few years ago, Cornwall Consolidated School social studies teacher Will Vincent reached out to Mills for research guidance on a local history project his students were undertaking. Together, they learned about Naomi Freeman of Cornwall. After purchasing an acre of land on Great Hollow Road in 1828, Naomi Freeman became the first Black female landowner in Cornwall.
The students petitioned the town to rename a road after the historic Cornwall resident In April 2025, Great Hollow Road was officially renamed Naomi Freeman Historic Road. U.S. Rep. Jahana Hayes joined Mills and the Cornwall Consildated School students for a presentation of their research.
Since then, Mills has guided the students in their quest to learn more about Starr’s story. Starr was a Revolutionary War soldier who joined the Continental Army to earn enough money to buy his own freedom, receiving the Badge of Merit in the process. The stories of his descendents’ services are equally worthy of their own books.
In recognition of Mills and the students’ work, First Selectman Gordon Ridgway proclaimed Feb. 8 as Robin Starr Day.
Preregistration is required for the event at the Cornwall Historical Society. To learn more about Mills’ work, visit
alexbreanne.org.
John Mills speaking at Quinnipiac University.Courtesy the Alex Breanne Corporation
Stephanie Saetta runs Charlie Chicken Bones, a sanctuary in Salisbury.
Dogs have been at the center of Saetta’s life since childhood. She remembers going to the library to research different breeds and trying to convince her parents the family needed a dog. She had her heart set on an Irish Wolfhound, but she was more than happy when her mom brought home a West Highland terrier.
After college, she adopted Charlie as a puppy from a rescue on Long Island. He was a hound-shepherd-Rottweiler mix who suffered from intense seizures. Some veterinarians recommended euthanasia, but Saetta wasn’t ready to give up on him.
When Charlie would have an episode, she would sit with him, nose to nose, talking him through it. She learned to look for the moment he began to come around — when he could smell her again and his tail started to wag.
“You only get one or two of these soul connection dogs, so I do this in his honor,” Saetta said. “I like to think that all the dogs that come through are going to have that person that they connect with just the same.”
Through a network of women working to rescue animals in Texas, she learned about the desperate situations facing many dogs.
With limited space, some public pounds euthanize even healthy animals to make room. Limited access to veterinary care leaves sick dogs or unvaccinated puppies especially vulnerable.
Saetta saw that reality firsthand with a puppy named Gus, a Labrador mix she fostered who has since been adopted. Gus and his sisters had been dumped beside a road, where they were living under an abandoned car. People would leave food for them, but no one would take them to the pound.
“Even the people who rescue animals down there were like, ‘sadly, the best place for them to be is on the side of the road,’” she said. “That’s safer. Someone might actually help them that way.”
Saetta knows that there are far more dogs than any one person can save, but she also knows that helping one dog means one fewer on the street.
Stephanie Saetta,with her rescue dog George and Blue (left), a shepherd mix awaiting his forever home.Madi Long
Charlie Chicken Bone Sanctuary operates entirely through foster homes, a model that Saetta believes is best for the dogs and the humans hoping to adopt them.
Rather than moving directly from a difficult environment into a permanent home, the dogs have a chance to settle into a quieter setting. They can learn what it’s like to live with a family, sleep somewhere comfortable and receive affection without fighting for attention. Fostering also allows the rescue to really get to know each dog.
“As fosters, we’re honest,” said Saetta. We’ll tell you everything that’s been bad, everything that’s been good. What their temperament is and how they’ve responded to all the things they’ve experienced.”
A successful adoption is not just about finding a dog a home; it’s about finding the right home where the dog and family can thrive together.
Saetta is looking for more people willing to open their homes to foster dogs. She understands that the thought of growing attached and eventually saying goodbye can feel daunting. But she sees that goodbye a little differently.
Fostering means being part of a dog’s journey, even if only for a short time. It gives dogs a safe place to rest, the chance to trust again and the love they have gone without for much of their lives. And when the time comes for them to leave, it is not really a loss. It is the reward of knowing they are moving on to a forever home.
Blue, Saetta’s current foster, is hoping to find his perfect home.
Blue, a 7 year-old Shepard mix, is waiting for his forever home. Madi Long
Now around 7 years old, Blue spent most of his life wandering the streets of Texas. People sometimes left food out for him, but his mangy, dirty coat kept them from stopping to pet him. Today, he has a chance to experience something different.
Blue is still waiting for his forever home. Saetta believes he would do best as the only dog in a household or alongside another senior dog. He will need someone willing to continue working with him on his training and understand that a dog with his history needs patience.
But what he gives in return is a whole lot of love.
“He’s so enthusiastic, he’s so excited for life, he’s so friendly, and he’s got such a good heart, and he loves to cuddle,” Saetta said. “He’s a good, good, good dog.”
For more information on adopting Blue or how to foster, visit ccbsanctuary.org.
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