A balance is needed in order to to protect children

No one in their right mind can admire deadbeat dads. To that I would add no one in their right mind should admire deadbeat moms.The world has moved on from considering moms to be stay-at-home housekeepers, with dad earning the money to support the family. Indeed, many businesses (and countries) make it the law that dads get equal paternity leave when a baby is born. So why is it that the courts, child protection services and a whole array of government agencies consider fathers the ones who are financially responsible and culpable if a marriage goes wrong, leading to the kids usually being given to the mother? Mothers are automatically considered the best child raisers (which is often not the case) while men are considered the ones who failed.Just how far off are these notions from the hateful treatment of women in some Muslim-governed countries? Don’t we decry women having to cover up their faces and maintain the role of subservience? And yet we automatically tell dads to cough up the support money, take the kids away from them and seem to favor women, when in fact we are also saying their role is that of housekeeper and mother.A friend of ours was stopped the other month for a burned out taillight. The officer checked his license and registration and was about to give him a warning when the officer’s computer spat out a suspended license warning. The officer checked why, and there it was: overdue payments in child support. Driver’s license suspended. Nevermind the idiocy of suspending a license for child support payments, meaning the man could not work and earn a wage to pay child support.The man went to the Department of Child Support Services (DCSS) and asked what gives. They said his payment record was 100 percent, especially since it comes directly out of his paycheck on time. So he took that readout and went to the judge, who stamped it. He then went to the Department of Motor Vehicles (and you now the wait there is a joy) and they charged him $65 for the privilege of unsuspending his license. The woman handling it quipped, “Next time maybe you’ll pay your responsibility on time.” That “deadbeat” dad label stung, especially since that day he had been late to his night shift since his kids were left alone when mom went out to party.How’d that notice get on there? It seems that months ago the mom had tried to get DCSS to pay toward medical insurance for the kids, claiming dad wasn’t paying. That’s true; he didn’t contribute cash toward medical insurance since his company policy already covered him and the kids (and his wife when they were married). But she thought she could get more money from them, and so he became a deadbeat dad. The DCSS staff were more than willing to come to the mother’s aid without checking the facts.And in case you think it was all cleared up, it wasn’t. DCSS reports to the state, which reports to Health and Human Services (HSS) in Washington, D.C., which tell the police. Our friend was stopped a few days ago for a temporary license plate check and they confiscated his driver’s license again. Washington, informed by DCSS, should “take about three months to remove the notice.” Any punishment for the mom for false filing? None. DCSS said it’s not their job.Another friend was recently stranded in Asia. Going to the embassy to add pages to his passport because he was working with educational relief across two borders, the embassy promptly confiscated his passport because he was a “deadbeat dad.” Let me see — an American in a far-off land is suddenly stripped of that blue book, that proof you are an American, because of money supposedly not paid back home? The risk to his life in the dangerous country he was in was very real.Deadbeat dad? Nope. Two lawyers and 50 long-distance calls and emails later, California DCSS was made to tell HSS, which supposedly amended its computer and told American Citizen Services (ACS) at the embassy they could return the passport. Without spending thousands of dollars to resolve the issue quickly, the embassy was worried it would have to destroy the passport “within a week” unless resolved. What would have become of this American then? He would have been given an embassy voucher to return to the U.S. to be arrested. Yes, arrested.How did the notice appear at DCSS and HSS, and then ACS? It seems his wife, who took the kids to live in another state, filed there as well to get more money from the local government that, in California, had been legally decided. She claimed poverty and a deadbeat dad to get extra cash. The DCSS in that state believed her, and they still do. Why wouldn’t they? She’s a “state-approved” mother; he’s guilty before innocent.Making partners live up to their responsibility is right and proper. Allowing this double standard based on outmoded stereotypes of men and women is not. The government is wrong here — wrong, meddling and abetting crimes of bad parenting, deception and, at times, vengeance. That is not a good government’s job. Peter Riva, a former resident of Amenia Union, now lives in New Mexico.