Christmas Means Zippered Waders and Pontoon Boats


Christmas is not my favorite time of year. The endless crummy music insults my ears; the ever-increasing commercialization assaults my soul.

However, I do take some pride in finding gifts that are unusual and perfect for that special individual, so for those with a sports-crazed or fishing-obsessed person on the shopping list, here are a few suggestions:

 

"The Great American Novel," by Philip Roth , is, loosely speaking, a baseball novel. It is a lot of other things as well, but it centers around the season of the Ruppert Mundys, the big leagues’ only homeless club, forced by the exigencies of the war effort to play all of the 1943 season on the road while the Department of War uses their stadium. It’s told in alliterative blasts by a sportswriter named Word Smith, and the Mundys’ roster is populated by players named after gods of various mythologies. And sometimes this comes closer to home plate than you’d like, especially when you consider fictional Babylonian pitcher Gil Gamesh and real-life major-leaguer Gil Meche.

 

I also advocate  the football novels of Dan Jenkins , starting with "Semi-Tough." Hilarious and decidedly offensive in this age of political correctness, Jenkins’ characters often blurt out what plenty of people would love to have the nerve to say in public. Jenkins allows the closet curmudgeon to live vicariously.

 

Back in the baseball department, consider obtaining the biggest  first baseman’s mitt  you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. Like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.

 

Ebbets Field Flannels (ebbets.com) makes throwback  jerseys for long-defunct teams in the Negro Leagues, the Federal League, and other obscure outfits. They are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by Major League Baseball.

 

And the  Cooperstown Ballcap Company (ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. a representative of the company told me they pore over old spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. my pueblo (colo.) peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"in the negro leagues, the federal league, and other obscure outfits. they are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by major league baseball.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial", starting with "semi-tough." hilarious and decidedly offensive in this age of political correctness, jenkins’ characters often blurt out what plenty of people would love to have the nerve to say in public. jenkins allows the closet curmudgeon to live vicariously.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial", is, loosely speaking, a baseball novel. it is a lot of other things as well, but it centers around the season of the ruppert mundys, the big leagues’ only homeless club, forced by the exigencies of the war effort to play all of the 1943 season on the road while the department of war uses their stadium. it’s told in alliterative blasts by a sportswriter named word smith, and the mundys’ roster is populated by players named after gods of various mythologies. and sometimes this comes closer to home plate than you’d like, especially when you consider fictional babylonian pitcher gil gamesh and real-life major-leaguer gil meche.>, is, loosely speaking, a baseball novel. It is a lot of other things as well, but it centers around the season of the Ruppert Mundys, the big leagues’ only homeless club, forced by the exigencies of the war effort to play all of the 1943 season on the road while the Department of War uses their stadium. It’s told in alliterative blasts by a sportswriter named Word Smith, and the Mundys’ roster is populated by players named after gods of various mythologies. And sometimes this comes closer to home plate than you’d like, especially when you consider fictional Babylonian pitcher Gil Gamesh and real-life major-leaguer Gil Meche.

 

I also advocate  the football novels of Dan Jenkins , starting with "Semi-Tough." Hilarious and decidedly offensive in this age of political correctness, Jenkins’ characters often blurt out what plenty of people would love to have the nerve to say in public. Jenkins allows the closet curmudgeon to live vicariously.

 

Back in the baseball department, consider obtaining the biggest  first baseman’s mitt  you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. Like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.

 

Ebbets Field Flannels (ebbets.com) makes throwback  jerseys for long-defunct teams in the Negro Leagues, the Federal League, and other obscure outfits. They are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by Major League Baseball.

 

And the  Cooperstown Ballcap Company (ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. a representative of the company told me they pore over old spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. my pueblo (colo.) peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"in the negro leagues, the federal league, and other obscure outfits. they are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by major league baseball.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial", starting with "semi-tough." hilarious and decidedly offensive in this age of political correctness, jenkins’ characters often blurt out what plenty of people would love to have the nerve to say in public. jenkins allows the closet curmudgeon to live vicariously.> the football novels of Dan Jenkins, starting with "Semi-Tough." Hilarious and decidedly offensive in this age of political correctness, Jenkins’ characters often blurt out what plenty of people would love to have the nerve to say in public. Jenkins allows the closet curmudgeon to live vicariously.

 

Back in the baseball department, consider obtaining the biggest  first baseman’s mitt  you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. Like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.

 

Ebbets Field Flannels (ebbets.com) makes throwback  jerseys for long-defunct teams in the Negro Leagues, the Federal League, and other obscure outfits. They are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by Major League Baseball.

 

And the  Cooperstown Ballcap Company (ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. a representative of the company told me they pore over old spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. my pueblo (colo.) peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"in the negro leagues, the federal league, and other obscure outfits. they are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by major league baseball.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.> first baseman’s mitt you can find for your weekend warrior softball player. Like those platter-sized tennis rackets everybody uses these days, a big first baseman’s glove covers a multitude of fielding sins, and can also be used as a base in a pinch.

 

Ebbets Field Flannels (ebbets.com) makes throwback  jerseys for long-defunct teams in the Negro Leagues, the Federal League, and other obscure outfits. They are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by Major League Baseball.

 

And the  Cooperstown Ballcap Company (ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. a representative of the company told me they pore over old spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. my pueblo (colo.) peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"in the negro leagues, the federal league, and other obscure outfits. they are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by major league baseball.> jerseys for long-defunct teamsin the Negro Leagues, the Federal League, and other obscure outfits. They are infinitely cooler than the polyester models aggressively marketed by Major League Baseball.

 

And the  Cooperstown Ballcap Company (ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. a representative of the company told me they pore over old spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. my pueblo (colo.) peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.> Cooperstown Ballcap Company(ballcap.com) does the same for caps, covering teams nobody has ever heard of. A representative of the company told me they pore over old Spaulding guides and other artifacts to get their hats on straight. My Pueblo (Colo.) Peppers cap is one of my prize possessions.

 

And these caps don’t have the modern billboard effect — they sag nicely, making the wearer look even crustier than he is.

Speaking of crusty, a hefty gift certificate from humongous sporting goods retailer


 Cabelas (cabelas.com) would certainly make me happy. As would  a pontoon boat for two, so I can take my cousins out bass fishing without getting blown around the lake in the canoe. Harder to tip over, too.

 

Any fly-fisherman would certainly enjoy  a float trip on the Housatonic, or a guided trip on the Farmington. Our native tackle shops offer these services, and a few hours with a good guide can be a real eye-opener, even for know-it-alls like me.

 

For the more ambitious and well-heeled, send your loved one to Siberia, South America, or New Zealand for the  fly-fishing adventure of a lifetime.

 

Back on earth, and to the bookshelf,  Taylor Streit’s "Instinctive Fly Fishing" is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. Streit, a guide and guru based in Taos, N.M., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. streit, a guide and guru based in taos, n.m., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"of a lifetime.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"on the housatonic, or a guided trip on the farmington. our native tackle shops offer these services, and a few hours with a good guide can be a real eye-opener, even for know-it-alls like me.>

 

Any fly-fisherman would certainly enjoy  a float trip on the Housatonic, or a guided trip on the Farmington. Our native tackle shops offer these services, and a few hours with a good guide can be a real eye-opener, even for know-it-alls like me.

 

For the more ambitious and well-heeled, send your loved one to Siberia, South America, or New Zealand for the  fly-fishing adventure of a lifetime.

 

Back on earth, and to the bookshelf,  Taylor Streit’s "Instinctive Fly Fishing" is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. Streit, a guide and guru based in Taos, N.M., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. streit, a guide and guru based in taos, n.m., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"of a lifetime.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"on the housatonic, or a guided trip on the farmington. our native tackle shops offer these services, and a few hours with a good guide can be a real eye-opener, even for know-it-alls like me.>

 

For the more ambitious and well-heeled, send your loved one to Siberia, South America, or New Zealand for the  fly-fishing adventure of a lifetime.

 

Back on earth, and to the bookshelf,  Taylor Streit’s "Instinctive Fly Fishing" is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. Streit, a guide and guru based in Taos, N.M., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. streit, a guide and guru based in taos, n.m., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.>style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"of a lifetime.>

 

Back on earth, and to the bookshelf,  Taylor Streit’s "Instinctive Fly Fishing" is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. Streit, a guide and guru based in Taos, N.M., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"is the single handiest book for the fly-rodder looking to refine his technique. streit, a guide and guru based in taos, n.m., writes simply and concisely and offers more good advice in a few paragraphs than most fishing writers do in reams of overblown copy.>

 

 

Zippered waders are all the rage now, and anybody who has struggled with the leak issue will immediately understand where I’m going with this. ("Damn you, Moby Trout! Damn you, tiny bladder!")

 

The top-of-the-line Simms model carries a hefty $700 suggested retail price tag, and doesn’t even come with a five-year, 100,000-mile warranty. Less expensive zippered waders are available as well.

I read somewhere that by age 65 the average American has voluntarily endured nine years of television. That’s 3,285 days, or 78,840 hours, and you have to figure 78,740 of those hours were spent watching something incredibly stupid.

So if you’re planning on watching nine years of "Boston vs. New York" poker or the "What’s Happening" marathon I cannot advise getting one of these super-duper flat-screen TV sets.

But if you plan to own the  Complete Emma Peel Collection of "The Avengers" episodes then, by all means, indulge. Nobody ever looked better in leather than Diana Rigg, not even Catwoman.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"episodes then, by all means, indulge. nobody ever looked better in leather than diana rigg, not even catwoman.>

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"are all the rage now, and anybody who has struggled with the leak issue will immediately understand where i’m going with this. ("damn you, moby trout! damn you, tiny bladder!")>are all the rage now, and anybody who has struggled with the leak issue will immediately understand where I’m going with this. ("Damn you, Moby Trout! Damn you, tiny bladder!")

 

The top-of-the-line Simms model carries a hefty $700 suggested retail price tag, and doesn’t even come with a five-year, 100,000-mile warranty. Less expensive zippered waders are available as well.

I read somewhere that by age 65 the average American has voluntarily endured nine years of television. That’s 3,285 days, or 78,840 hours, and you have to figure 78,740 of those hours were spent watching something incredibly stupid.

So if you’re planning on watching nine years of "Boston vs. New York" poker or the "What’s Happening" marathon I cannot advise getting one of these super-duper flat-screen TV sets.

But if you plan to own the  Complete Emma Peel Collection of "The Avengers" episodes then, by all means, indulge. Nobody ever looked better in leather than Diana Rigg, not even Catwoman.

 

style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: arial"episodes then, by all means, indulge. nobody ever looked better in leather than diana rigg, not even catwoman.> Complete Emma Peel Collection of "The Avengers"episodes then, by all means, indulge. Nobody ever looked better in leather than Diana Rigg, not even Catwoman.

 

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