The Cream of the Crop for British Cop Shows

Almost the only fiction I read is crime fiction. I refuse to read most contemporary fiction, often written in the present tense, about youngish people who live in Manhattan and find life gray.

Same goes for television. I am not interested in superheroes, high-dollar English soap operas, or programs in which young, fit people go to a desert island and eat worms.

Here are five decent TV mystery series. I have excluded foreign language programs because it’s hard to nap to them, and if the pandemic has taught us anything, it is that napping is critical to the full enjoyment of television.

I have also excluded American shows because I’m going to do another listicle on that subject.

Midsomer Murders

There are 21 seasons and dozens of episodes to choose from. The setting is reminiscent of the Northwest Corner, except our crackpots aren’t as cracked and our population not nearly so bloodthirsty. You can choose between the somewhat wheezy John Barnaby asking about “the lettahs” and make bets on when his wife, Joyce, will complain about her husband abandoning her while he searches for serial killers. “Oh, Tom, it’s the Saint Swithin’s Holiday Fete and Badminton Tournament and you promised to go with me!” 

Or you can watch the newer,  younger Barnaby, who is frankly less interesting and who likes to talk to his dog.

Line of Duty

A British series focusing on a police anti-corruption unit. Solid acting and writing; doesn’t go in the weeds. Avoids many cop show clichés; I can’t remember anyone whizzing by, receiving an instruction and saying, “I’m on it.” Nothing fancy, just good storytelling.

The Brokenwood Mysteries

Set in New Zealand, it uses the Midsomer motifs of picturesque scenery and an eccentric, murderous citizenry. The main detective likes country music and drives an old car. Bonus points for New Zealand accents, which almost qualify as a foreign language. Example: “Detective” in English is “ditictive” in New Zealandese.

George Gently

Set in the 1960s in the north of England, George Gently is an old-school cop saddled with a headstrong young sergeant who, by the end of the series, has let himself go so far as to grow sideburns. Long, unfortunate sideburns. Interesting look at a rapidly changing nation.

Rumpole of the Bailey

Admittedly, this is an oldie. Written by John Mortimer, who also turned the scripts into short stories and novels. 

Leo McKern as the grumpy, disheveled Rumpole is the performance of a lifetime, and the supporting cast is terrific. You can’t nap to this one; the dialogue is too good.

Foyle’s War

SWM, 60-ish, seeks SWF, late 20s-early 30s, with engaging personality for one-sided conversations in which SWF asks a lot of questions and SWM says things like “Hmm” and “Right.” Must be able to sustain high level of dramatic tension and historical accuracy for what amounts to a series of 90-minute feature films. Also accepting applications for idealistic yet somewhat embittered young man with one false leg, and for rustic persons who chew things and spit.