Functioning without a schedule

Dolly Parton sang about “9 to 5” and I lived it; I find the sudden absence of a schedule a huge challenge.

I spent my entire work life on a Monday-through-Friday timetable — the alarm at 5:30 a.m., the bus at 6:30, the gym by 7, the office by 8:30, the market opening at 9:30. If any part of that routine failed — I forgot the alarm or the bus was late — it threw me; I was a stockbroker, laser-focused until the Market closed at 4:30 p.m.. I ate lunch at my desk — chicken salad on rye and a Diet Coke every day — and was always on the phone. I’d leave by 5 p.m., meet my husband — who also worked on Wall Street — for an early dinner, occasionally we’d order in, Chinese food or pizza, and then collapse in front of the TV, repeating the routine the next day. I had earlier careers, from TV news producer with a 4 a.m. wake-up to director of tourism for New York City under Mayor John Lindsay and working evenings. But I always had a schedule, so life felt under control.

My challenge now is how to structure my day. I wake up at 5 a.m. — a function of a restless puppy — and often stay in bed reading my phone in the same order every day: the weather, bank and brokerage accounts, social media — Instagram and Facebook, VERY recent for me — and newspapers: always the New York Post, which I remember fondly carrying a nickel in my pocket to buy; The New York Times, which I first learned to read, folded vertically, riding the subway; the Washington Post which initially came free with Prime; and the Wall Street Journal, which I subscribe to for the weekend edition.

By then it’s often 10 a.m. and I am racked with guilt that I have not really gotten out of bed, let alone done anything productive — though I’m never sure if that means saving the world or simply putting away the prior night’s dishes — and feeling badly that I have trained my dog to forgo breakfast until I get really hungry. I have learned to turn breakfast into an “activity,” making a fruit smoothie or a bowl of cold cereal with lots of diced fruit, mostly because I’m in no hurry.

The next several hours are tricky: I’ve replaced my morning gym visits with pilates two days a week and a trainer two others, and with driving, I fill several hours, including grocery shopping and UPS to return everything I order from Amazon that I have no intention of keeping — a subject for a later column, along with the aforementioned change in diet, and sleep habits, and exercise routine, and shopping habits. I make myself a late lunch — never having learned to cook, I fill my refrigerator with pre-made salads — and sit down to a proper meal, trying hard to just contemplate rather than constantly read.

Then I have more down time, guilt-ridden because there’s laundry plus closets to organize.

Instead I hang out with my puppy and read a crime novel until my partner arrives home . He has a schedule — he’s a jewelry designer and spends his days in the studio — and once he’s home, MY day finally has structure: we catch up and plan dinner — he cooks — while we watch TV. He’ll fall asleep first — he’s had a productive day, after all — and I’ll read until well past midnight, or work on my column.

I try to embrace this lack of structure — it’s what retirement should be and I’ve “earned” it after working since I was a teenager — but it feels wrong. There are Zoom meetings, or mentoring calls with young folks, visits with friends and family, and doctor appointments and emails, but it’s never enough, and as I become less able to do the work around the house, I feel even more like a slug.

I must learn to embrace this, cherish the opportunity to create my own schedule enjoy reading an entire book in one sitting, eat when I am hungry and play with my puppy, but it’s really difficult for me, as I imagine it is for many of you .

Please reach out to me with your thoughts or questions at GwenG@millertonnews.com

Gwen lives in Pine Plains with her partner, Dennis, her puppy, Charlie, and two Angus cows, who are also retired.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Lakeville Journal and The Journal does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

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