Schlock and Awful spring edition: Skin shows, taste goes

Schlock and Awful spring edition: Skin shows, taste goes

A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."

cinepunx.com

It’s been a long, boring winter. Thank goodness for the proliferation of free-with-ads streaming services that specialize in films so majestic and unforgettable that nobody bothered to renew the copyright.

Zombie Nightmare (1987): From the oeuvre of Canadian bodybuilder and hair metal musician Jon Mikl Thor, this tale of small town bigotry, casual misogyny and voodoo zombies lacks the critical component that makes or breaks the exploitation flick: gratuitous nekkidity. Not that any sentient being would want to see this cast, which includes Adam West, nekkid. But it’s the principle of the thing. You can do much better with…

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (also 1987): Thor’s showcase flick, starring his hair, his pecs, and his unconventional taste in underwear. Nekkidity abounds. In fact nekkidity drives the plot. With little foam rubber demons, one large economy-sized foam rubber demon, a foam rubber remake of the famous “busting out” scene in “Alien,” and an absolutely ear-shredding soundtrack by Thor and his band, the Tritonz.

Velvet Smooth (1976) is a poor man’s “Foxy Brown” and also the greatest (and only) film in the oeuvre of Emerson Boozer, the poor man’s Rosey Grier. Velvet Smooth (Johnnie Hill) is a private detective and when local kingpin King Lathrop starts having trouble with goons muscling in on his highly lucrative action (protection money from a dry cleaner, a shoeshine guy and a newsie), Velvet Smooth gets the call. Unconvincing kung fu, an illegal casino, cut-rate Diana Ross and the Supremes, and subtle visual commentary on why you don’t want to combine a zebra-striped couch with blonde wood paneling if you are a self-respecting kingpin.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980): The last of three Happy Hooker flicks, starring the immortal Martine Beswick as Xaveria Hollander, the Happy Hooker. Plus Adam West, Phil SIlvers, Chris Lemmon and Richard Deacon. It’s like a slightly raunchy episode of “The Love Boat,” minus the boat. Enough gratuitous nekkidity to advance the plot, which mercifully does not get in the way of the story. As dour Hollywood melodramas go, it’s no “Day of the Locust” or “What Makes Sammy Run,” but there are glimmers of actual human intelligence at work in a scene where the Happy Hooker takes on a snarky TV gossip show host.

In short, it’s almost not bad enough to make the S&A cut. Almost.

Of interest to the ovine community is the utterly baffling “Godmonster of Indian Flats” (1973). Sort of a Western, kinda sci-fi, and loaded with sheep, the movie lurches from setting to setting so abruptly the viewer may lose faith in the space-time continuum. But fear not, there is a giant mutant sheep to the rescue. Also some banjo players and a glad-hander named Elbow Johnson, who features early and then disappears completely. No nekkidity, which is a good thing. One of the bad guys looks a bit like Larry Bird but with more chin. Transfer station fans will enjoy this flick for the lengthy scenes featuring waste disposal. My goodness, how far we’ve come in that department. Baa.

Humble Acknowledgment Department: The Bad Cinema desk hereby admits to stealing the “plot gets in the way of the story” joke from Joe Bob Briggs, which isn’t even his real name. We also announce our plans to build a giant statue of Joe Bob Briggs in a spot where everyone can see it but nobody can do anything about it.

Latest News

Barbara Meyers DelPrete

LAKEVILLE — Barbara Meyers DelPrete, 84, passed away Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2025, at her home. She was the beloved wife of George R. DelPrete for 62 years.

Mrs. DelPrete was born in Burlington, Iowa, on May 31, 1941, daughter of the late George and Judy Meyers. She lived in California for a time and had been a Lakeville resident for the past 55 years.

Keep ReadingShow less
Shirley Anne Wilbur Perotti

SHARON — Shirley Anne Wilbur Perotti, daughter of George and Mabel (Johnson) Wilbur, the first girl born into the Wilbur family in 65 years, passed away on Oct. 5, 2025, at Noble Horizons.

Shirley was born on Aug. 19, 1948 at Sharon Hospital.

Keep ReadingShow less
Veronica Lee Silvernale

MILLERTON — Veronica Lee “Ronnie” Silvernale, 78, a lifelong area resident died Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2025, at Sharon Hospital in Sharon, Connecticut. Mrs. Silvernale had a long career at Noble Horizons in Salisbury, where she served as a respected team leader in housekeeping and laundry services for over eighteen years. She retired in 2012.

Born Oct. 19, 1946, at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, she was the daughter of the late Bradley C. and Sophie (Debrew) Hosier, Sr. Following her graduation from high school and attending college, she married Jack Gerard Silvernale on June 15, 1983 in Millerton, New York. Their marriage lasted thirty-five years until Jack’s passing on July 28, 2018.

Keep ReadingShow less
Crescendo launches 22nd season
Christine Gevert, artistic director of Crescendo
Steve Potter

Christine Gevert, Crescendo’s artistic director, is delighted to announce the start of this musical organization’s 22nd year of operation. The group’s first concert of the season will feature Latin American early chamber music, performed Oct. 18 and 19, on indigenous Andean instruments as well as the virginal, flute, viola and percussion. Gevert will perform at the keyboard, joined by Chilean musicians Gonzalo Cortes and Carlos Boltes on wind and stringed instruments.

This concert, the first in a series of nine, will be held on Oct. 18 at Saint James Place in Great Barrington, and Oct. 19 at Trinity Church in Lakeville.

Keep ReadingShow less