School remembers lost student

WEBUTUCK — The community came together Aug. 5 to mourn the loss and celebrate the life of Stephanie Murphy, a 16-year-old Amenia resident killed in a car crash in Salisbury on the night of July 31.

Close to 400 students, teachers, coworkers, family, friends and community members crowded into the Webutuck High School cafeteria to remember a girl described as “a free spirit� and “mischievous.�

Several dozen people were seen wearing T-shirts with Stephanie’s picture on them, made by one of her friends.

Friends and family shared funny stories and fond memories, ranging from before she was born to the day she died. Some said they wish they had known her better, and many said they wished to see her one more time.

Ceremonies were hosted by Tom Marshall, a social worker for Webutuck.

“Sometimes it’s best to share a journey,� he explained, “because we may have wanted to say something but didn’t know how to say it.�

One of the first things Marshall had the crowd do was to clap, loudly. The tension in the room eased immediately.

The podium, surrounded by flowers and photo collages of Stephanie, was then opened up to the floor. The first speaker was Marquise Williams, a friend.

“She was way ahead of her time,� he told the crowd. “She could tell you anything about life. And she always knew what she wanted to do.�

“She was my other half,� added Sam Caul, another friend. “There was never a dull moment in our friendship. She’s the one who’s keeping us strong through the hard times.�

Another friend, Justin Pavia, brought his guitar and performed a song he had written for Stephanie entitled “Turn the Lights Off.�

“I don’t know where you are / but I hope its not very far / So I can tell you / Turn the lights off,� he sang.

A common theme in the speakers’ comments was how Stephanie’s death made those in the community suddenly aware of how fleeting life can be.

“When I got the phone call, I ran outside and called everyone who meant something to me, and let them know how special they are,� Pavia recollected.

Throughout the evening, more and more people squeezed into the increasingly tiny room, lining up along the walls.

“I think we’ve exceeded the 135 limit,� Marshall said, alluding to the maximum capacity sign on the wall.

Several family members admitted that while they were very close to Stephanie growing up, in the last few years they had seen less and less of her, as she spent most of her time with friends.

“We missed out on a lot of the later years,â€� acknowledged Larry Murphy, her grandfather. “But that was normal. Yes, it hurt, but I understood why. She had moved on to be with her friends and to focus on academics...â€� He paused.  “And to raise hell,â€� he added, smiling.

One of the more poignant recollections came from Brett Sherman, who said he had dated Stephanie for a few months. He recounted, with tears in his eyes, their first kiss.

“I can’t really describe her,� he said. “She was amazing. I’ll miss her, even just the smallest things, like folding clothes. It meant so much to me. I wish I could just fold one more shirt with her.�

When Jerry Murphy, Stephanie’s father, took the microphone near the end of the evening, the room was moved to tears.

“The community is so amazing,� he said, tears welling. “If it wasn’t for them, we
wouldn’t be able to give Steph the proper going away party. I loved her very much, and even though I didn’t see much of her [during the time before she died], I was content knowing she was with her friends, and happy. I didn’t worry. It wasn’t her wild ways that got her, it was just an accident.�

Mike Farrell, a friend, entered the room to speak as the ceremony was coming to a close.

“I was the last person to see Steph,� he revealed. “She was leaving my house [on Friday night]. And as horrible as it sounds, I feel very guilty. Sitting outside [the cafeteria] and listening to everybody, and the outpouring from the community... I want to apologize and say thank you at the same time.�

High school Principal Drew Hopkins told the room that guidance staff would be on hand in the following days for students. Food for the event was provided by Dale Culver, Webutuck’s Board of Education president. The kitchen staff donated their time, as did the guidance counselors and Marshall.

The Stephanie Murphy Memorial Scholarship has been set up by the family through the Community Foundation of Dutchess County to help students who are interested in pursuing a career in nursing, a path Stephanie indicated she would be working toward in the future.

Checks may be sent to the Community Foundation of Dutchess County, Attention: Stephanie Murphy Memorial Scholarship, 80 Washington St., Suite 201, Poughkeepsie, NY, 12601. To help the family with funeral costs, checks may be sent to the Valentine Funeral Home at PO Box 275, Millerton, NY, 12546 or to Mr. and Mrs. Jerry Murphy, 168 Depot Hill Road, Amenia, NY, 12501.

Hopkins, who is new to the district and didn’t have the chance to know Stephanie, said the community’s response was overwhelming.

“It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen before,� he said. “She must have been somebody really special.�