Why we are here

Through the ages man has pondered the meaning of his existence. Well, to be honest, not all men, just those who had spare time for that sort of thing. I use the term “men” here in the general sense, as in “mankind,” not specific as in men and women. To be fair, women usually have more to do, so they have less time for philosophy. How many women do you know that regularly take the weekend off to go golfing or fishing?Anyway, some men and women who have enough leisure time and are not working two or more jobs, falling into a dead sleep with their face in the plate at dinner, have been trying to wrestle with this concept. It is pretty much a draw. Here are some of their theories.In the Accidental Version the human species is a transplant, arriving on this planet from another world. Maybe their spaceship broke down. The place where they came from probably still had Velociraptors that kept their population in check. Here, without an efficient predator, rather than becoming a food source they became a plague. Multiplying like cockroaches, they overran the planet, stripping it like an invasion of locusts. Trees, oil and size 11 plain, black loafers were depleted.Then there is the Evolution-Gone-Haywire theory. In this one we have monkeys who gradually change over the centuries, the brightest and strongest being most likely to survive and dominate their dimmer competition, especially in the area of selection of mates. This continuous pairing of the brightest of the bright and the strongest of the strong naturally led to more of the same. It explains how come there are more and more blondes every day, why we still have bullies, and the popularity of bananas.Finally, there is the Reversal of the Order idea. In this theory, we find that man was put on the earth as food for other species. This is why he was made weaker and without too much hair. Then one day, the food discovered that it was cleverer. Just think of it in terms of reaching into the lobster tank for the next victim, only to be seized and pulled into the tank because one really smart lobster had figured out how to get those little wedges out of its claws and, being a natural leader, had formed an organized resistance.So in the end, no one as yet seems to have come up with a definitive answer to this age old question. In answer to the question, why are we here, I have come up with my own theory. It is because we are not there.Bill Abrams ponders his existence in Pine Plains.