A Lawyer’s View of the Absurdities of Tort Law

Bill Littauer interviewed Tom Morrison’s “Please Pass the Tort$,” the follow-up to “Torts ‘R’ Us,” on a Zoom meeting sponsored by Noble Horizons Wednesday, Jan. 13.

The two “Torts” novels are legal farces, following the adventures of Pap and Pup Peters, the brothers who decide to chuck their traditional law practices and dive headfirst into the zany and lucrative field of class action and patent lawsuits.

Littauer, a Salisbury, Conn., resident who had a 50-year career in journalism, led off by asking if finding humor in the practice of law isn’t oxymoronic.

Morrison replied: “Most lawyers take themselves way too seriously.”

He should know, having spent 50 years in the profession. An attorney who now lives in Salisbury, Morrison has quipped that everyone likes to make lawyer jokes, so the legal profession lends itself naturally to comic fiction.

He said he conceived of a farce about modern litigation — “especially class action lawsuits.”

Such actions rely on the notion that “every perceived slight in life” is a legitimate cause.

The result is a lot of frivolous lawsuits, he added.

Morrison said he tried to do to the legal profession what Joseph Heller did to the Army Air Corps in “Catch-22.”

Asked about where he finds his raw material, Morrison said he drew on news and legal reports, and from his experience.

The novel relates the tale of a lawsuit against the makers of blueberry Corny Flakes, in which the plaintiff opened 21 boxes of the product without finding a single berry.

“There are hundreds of cases where similar claims have been made,” said Morrison, adding there is an attorney on Long Island who specializes in such matters.

Such cases are frivolous, he continued, not because companies should be allowed to mislead consumers, but because “the consumer is going to get a coupon and a couple of bucks.”

The big money goes to the lawyers.

Morrison noted that certain jurisdictions, notably California, are fertile ground for class action lawsuits because they have broad consumer protection laws.

In “Please Pass the Tort$” the Peters Brothers, who work in New York but live in Connecticut, try to convince the state Legislature to pass a similar law so that the federal courts in Bridgeport, New Haven and Hartford get an increase in the volume of class action suits, and thus bring economic prosperity and tax revenue to those cities as legions of lawyers and their entourages pack hotels and restaurants.

Littauer asked about Morrison’s writing process.

“I wrote all my life,” responded Morrison, referring to his legal career.

“I wrote both books fairly quickly.”

The court dialog came easily. “I did it all my life.”

“Please Pass the Tort$” is available at Oblong Books in Millerton, N.Y., and at the Salisbury General Store on Main Street.

Latest News

Love is in the atmosphere

Author Anne Lamott

Sam Lamott

On Tuesday, April 9, The Bardavon 1869 Opera House in Poughkeepsie was the setting for a talk between Elizabeth Lesser and Anne Lamott, with the focus on Lamott’s newest book, “Somehow: Thoughts on Love.”

A best-selling novelist, Lamott shared her thoughts about the book, about life’s learning experiences, as well as laughs with the audience. Lesser, an author and co-founder of the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, interviewed Lamott in a conversation-like setting that allowed watchers to feel as if they were chatting with her over a coffee table.

Keep ReadingShow less
Hotchkiss students team with Sharon Land Trust on conifer grove restoration

Oscar Lock, a Hotchkiss senior, got pointers and encouragement from Tim Hunter, stewardship director of The Sharon Land Trust, while sawing buckthorn.

John Coston

It was a ramble through bramble on Wednesday, April 17 as a handful of Hotchkiss students armed with loppers attacked a thicket of buckthorn and bittersweet at the Sharon Land Trust’s Hamlin Preserve.

The students learned about the destructive impact of invasives as they trudged — often bent over — across wet ground on the semblance of a trail, led by Tom Zetterstrom, a North Canaan tree preservationist and member of the Sharon Land Trust.

Keep ReadingShow less