All about spoons

The common spoon; what do you think of? Metal, plastic, wood? Why a spoon at all? The spoon is surely a sign of an advanced civilization. Let’s face it. You don’t really need a spoon. A spoon is a convenience. It allows us to more efficiently handle certain problematic consistencies, like pudding and soup. Sure you could eat them without a spoon, but would you look and feel genteel? I think not. It certainly saves a great deal of hand and face washing, at the very least. The spoon is a builder of self-image. We can eat messy foods and not get messy ourselves, with a bit of practice. And, of course, you have to want to not get messy. I have known some that just use their spoons to accelerate the process. They seem to take especial delight in taking a tool meant for good and turning it to the dark side. I am sure we all know people like that. They are the ones for whom the plastic spoon was invented. They deserve no better. The wooden spoon, of course, is what you give people who might have a tendency to do themselves harm, like very small children and very depressed adults. While wood can be fashioned into any number of weapons, the wooden spoon is definitely not in that category. It is inherently blunt. It is benign to the extreme. On the downside, they do feel funny in your mouth. The taste leaves something to be desired as well, and then if the spoon is very old there are the splinters, not really dangerous; more on the order of inconvenient. Is this too negative? I really must try to be a bit more upbeat. Then maybe they will let me have my metal spoon back.Now, you might think that all you need is about three spoons: a small one for grapefruit, a medium one for cereal and a large one for soup, serving and disciplinary action. • • •But man cannot leave things alone. He takes it and runs with it, unlike scissors. Slotted spoons, spoons with curvy handles, spoons with straight handles, stainless steel, pewter and gold plated. The French Monarchy is supposed to have had gold dinnerware and utensils. Gold supposedly sucks the heat out of food (not that I would know this firsthand), so they must never have had a hot meal. No wonder they look so unhappy in all of their portraits.Spoons can also be instruments, sort of a poor man’s castanets. You used to see a lot of this on the old variety shows in the 1950s.Finally, there is the spoon as a plaything. There are people who try to bend spoons with their minds. I think these people need something to do.Bill Abrams counts his spoons in Pine Plains.