Everything you wanted to know about fly-fishing

Often people say to me, “Hey you, how do you do [insert fishing question here]?”

I count myself lucky to be addressed as “Hey you.” Compared to such salutations as “You bleeping bleeper bleep” and “the defendant,” both of which have figured prominently in my past, “Hey you” is practically a paean.

Hiram Witherspoon of Fetid Gulch, Ark., writes: “Hey you, how do you keep dry flies floating, especially on those bleeping three-fly rigs you’re always babbling about?”

Dear Hiram: First off, overalls, even if you spray them with Scotch Guard, are not a valid substitute for waders.

As for dry flies, the most common practice is to use a silicone gel. The second most common practice is to a) use too much and b) not allow it to dry.

If you grease up your fly and then stick it in the water, it will indeed float — for a little while. Then the stuff washes off and the fly is heavier than ever.

Another popular method is to use powdery stuff. I don’t want to get into brand names, but there are several, and they vary a bit. The most effective one I’ve found comes in a little bottle with a brush in the cap. The powder is applied with the brush.

Unhappily, the bottle costs about six bucks and doesn’t last long. Much of the powder winds up airborne.

I solved this problem by buying hydrophobic fumed silica in bulk. A quart of the stuff costs $25 or so, and I can refill the little bottle 60 times. And I only had one visit from the Department of Homeland Security, wanting to know what on earth I was up to with the sinister-sounding hydrophobic fumed silica.

But here is the absolute best way to keep that dry fly floating like a cork. Apply the silicone gel first, and let it dry. This takes five minutes. Leave the fly in the sun, and take a break. Observe. Contemplate. Daydream. (And for Pete’s sakes, Hiram, keep the daydreams to yourself.)

Then apply the powder. Presto! That fly will float forever.

Magnolia Glendennon of Frabble Falls, Minn., writes: “Hey you, do I need to buy special leaders for largemouth bass fishing?”

Dear Magnolia: I bet you have a sister named Wisteria. And no, you don’t need to buy leaders tapered for bass fishing, although they are nice to have around.

Because I am a cheapskate, I save my ordinary 9-foot 3X trout leaders after they have been cut and spliced to the point where only the loop and 4 feet of heavy monofilament remain.

Then I add appropriate lengths of mono — say,  30 pound to OX to whatever, depending on the size and configuration of the bass flies I am using. In general, leaders for largemouth are going to be quite a bit shorter than those used for most trout fishing situations.

In doing so I effectively double the life of the leaders and save a few bucks, which I spend instead on useful things like hydrophobic fumed silica and neckties with leaping trout on them.

In other exciting news, I finally managed to catch something in a super-secret hole of the Blackberry River the other day. I have been working this spot for several years and never got a thing.

But I have been playing around with a Euro-nymphing line, which is just a long, skinny, double-tapered running line with an orange section at the end that is supposed to alert me to a strike.

It takes some getting used to, but I am getting the hang of it. The 16-inch rainbow I hoisted out of the super-secret spot last week attests to this.

There are some nice places to fish in the Blackberry, if you are willing to walk a bit. By walk, I mean scramble, stumble and splash around. It’s worth it to get away from the obvious and hard-fished areas.

And you can daydream about Euro-nymphs, possibly named Magnolia, while waiting for your fly to dry.